Should've Been Faithful

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michaelzapin
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Should've Been Faithful

Post by michaelzapin » Sat Jun 04, 2016 5:52 pm

In a wake of truth,
I said too much.

It got back to you,
Now we're losing touch.

But if I had the chance,
I'd learn to laugh.
I'd learn to lie.
I'd learn to give and take sometimes.
Now look what I've gone and done.

And so with no surprise and no remorse,
You said your chips were down,
And you're taking your loss.

But if I had the chance,
Just one more time.
I'd want to pay.
Oh look what I've gone and done.

Now at the end of Spring,
Begins the fall,
And though you gave it your all,
You're all that I've got left to give.

How deep is the pain love?
That you can't even whisper my name anymore?
Oh, I see I should have been faithful.
I should have been faithful, love.
Oh, I see I should have been faithful. Should have been faithful, love. Every day.


From many seeds I've blown,
They ought to remind.
That what we reap, we've sown, in kind.


How deep is the pain love?
That you can't even whisper my name anymore?
Oh, I see I should have been faithful.
I should have been faithful, love.
Oh, I see I should have been faithful. Should have been faithful, love. Every day.

adessell
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Re: Should've Been Faithful

Post by adessell » Wed Sep 07, 2016 10:15 pm

Hmm kinda has potential.

In a wake of truth,
I said too much.
It got back to you,
Now we're losing touch.

To me this section kinda sounds like you're regretting you said too much opposed to being unfaithful. Is that what you're trying to convey. Maybe consider taking out the said too much. And just come out say I told someone I cheated on you. Nice and direct. Or I told our friend that I slept with another woman.

But if I had the chance,
I'd learn to laugh.
I'd learn to lie.
I'd learn to give and take sometimes.
Now look what I've gone and done.

Not sure how the first 4 lines tie in with the theme. I'm a little lost.

And so with no surprise and no remorse,
You said your chips were down,
And you're taking your loss.

This section I just knew you were gonna say something like with no surprise she left me. Or phew man something more dramatic here. By the end of these lines listener should be drawn in tightly. It's the first time you talk about her reaction. Stab us in the chest with drama here. We would love it!! Did she throw chairs. Did she leave you. Was she emotionless. Please give us something. Lol

But if I had the chance,
Just one more time.
I'd want to pay.
Oh look what I've gone and done.

Ok at this point. I'm zoned out.
This is one of those songs you wanna give tons of details and imagery. Would work well here

Try rewriting this whole lyric. But don't worry about rhyming. Come up with s story. To me I wanna know her reaction

How deep is the pain love?
That you can't even whisper my name anymore?
Oh, I see I should have been faithful.
I should have been faithful, love.
Oh, I see I should have been faithful. Should have been faithful, love. Every day.

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