Are these lyrics universal? "Knocking"

[joyfrost]

"Knocking"

I've removed these lyrics as a member lifted them and turned them into his own rewrite without permission..

[Kolstad]

Hi Joy,

I think the overall theme is pretty universal. Most people would recognize the experience of others shutting down emotionally, and lack of feedback.

I loved the opening "I couldn't resist moving to a heartbreak beat", and was hoping you would stick with that one family of metaphors throughout. Maybe you could see if that could tie the sections a little more together, when you rewrite. Not going overboard, but just stick with the universe the musical metaphors can provide.

There were some lines I thought might be a challenge to phrase for a singer, like "And strumming your guitar strings" i V1 and "Now the silence stings" in V4 (or 2nd prechorus). It would require some gum-nastics to sing those esses Maybe consider some alternative alliterations there with singability as a main criteria.

Anyway, just some quick thoughts.

Here's a short write from Robin Frederick on universal lyrics.
http://www.taxi.com/transmitter/1107/un ... yrics.html

[joyfrost]

https://soundcloud.com/joy-cootey/knocking


Here is a link to a quick recording I made last night of the song. I really appreciate your feedback! You gave me some good ideas for a stronger rewrite in certain places i feel it needs a tune up I'll post those too when i'm done with em

[joyfrost]

Edits so far in blue:

[Kolstad]

Looking forward to hearing it, Joy.

[melodymessiah]

what about "knocking on an OPEN door"?;-)

and making that the song title...


paul b.