Are these lyrics universal? "Knocking"
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- joyfrost
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Are these lyrics universal? "Knocking"
"Knocking"
I've removed these lyrics as a member lifted them and turned them into his own rewrite without permission..
I've removed these lyrics as a member lifted them and turned them into his own rewrite without permission..
Last edited by joyfrost on Sun Nov 16, 2014 4:18 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Are these lyrics universal? "Knocking"
Hi Joy,
I think the overall theme is pretty universal. Most people would recognize the experience of others shutting down emotionally, and lack of feedback.
I loved the opening "I couldn't resist moving to a heartbreak beat", and was hoping you would stick with that one family of metaphors throughout. Maybe you could see if that could tie the sections a little more together, when you rewrite. Not going overboard, but just stick with the universe the musical metaphors can provide.
There were some lines I thought might be a challenge to phrase for a singer, like "And strumming your guitar strings" i V1 and "Now the silence stings" in V4 (or 2nd prechorus). It would require some gum-nastics to sing those esses Maybe consider some alternative alliterations there with singability as a main criteria.
Anyway, just some quick thoughts.
Here's a short write from Robin Frederick on universal lyrics.
http://www.taxi.com/transmitter/1107/un ... yrics.html
I think the overall theme is pretty universal. Most people would recognize the experience of others shutting down emotionally, and lack of feedback.
I loved the opening "I couldn't resist moving to a heartbreak beat", and was hoping you would stick with that one family of metaphors throughout. Maybe you could see if that could tie the sections a little more together, when you rewrite. Not going overboard, but just stick with the universe the musical metaphors can provide.
There were some lines I thought might be a challenge to phrase for a singer, like "And strumming your guitar strings" i V1 and "Now the silence stings" in V4 (or 2nd prechorus). It would require some gum-nastics to sing those esses Maybe consider some alternative alliterations there with singability as a main criteria.
Anyway, just some quick thoughts.
Here's a short write from Robin Frederick on universal lyrics.
http://www.taxi.com/transmitter/1107/un ... yrics.html
Ceo of my own life
- joyfrost
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Re: Are these lyrics universal? "Knocking"
https://soundcloud.com/joy-cootey/knocking
Here is a link to a quick recording I made last night of the song. I really appreciate your feedback! You gave me some good ideas for a stronger rewrite in certain places i feel it needs a tune up I'll post those too when i'm done with em
Here is a link to a quick recording I made last night of the song. I really appreciate your feedback! You gave me some good ideas for a stronger rewrite in certain places i feel it needs a tune up I'll post those too when i'm done with em
- joyfrost
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Re: Are these lyrics universal? "Knocking"
Edits so far in blue:
Last edited by joyfrost on Sun Nov 16, 2014 4:19 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Are these lyrics universal? "Knocking"
what about "knocking on an OPEN door"?;-)
and making that the song title...
paul b.
and making that the song title...
paul b.
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