When We Had It Right

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bobporri
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Re: When We Had It Right

Post by bobporri » Mon Jul 14, 2014 1:36 pm

Jim, thanks for the feedback. No problem. I'm taking it all in.

Cass, thanks for your comments. Glad you liked it. I had thought XTC sound somewhere along the line also. I checked out Charlatans UK link.

Paul, yes, I had thought Byrds also, Tom Petty was another one. Not sure where the voice fits though :) . The on the beat approach was intentional, not to say it was the only or best way to go. Based on comments I may try a different version also trying to breath a bit more "life" into the choruses. So the very last word I say is "right" and it was the only word I think I put on an upbeat. Not enough huh? :lol:

Bob, really glad you liked the song. I do sort of like the harmonies, but may lose a few lines here and there on remixes. Very glad about the universal comment. If a screener hears it that way, that would be a good thing. I do try to be mindful of having lyrics apply to many people and situations. By the comments, it looks like that may have worked more than I thought it might with this one.

Gar, thanks for the comments. Sorry it hits home at this time, but glad to hear you liked it. I worry a bit with lyrics about things like, "it doesn't sound conversational", or "am I sounding too personal", or "am I trying to be too clever and sounding stupid instead", but overthinking can stifle. Most people so far seem to be at least OK with what was said.

Andy, I'll be reworking and remixing and maybe trying a few other parts to address at least some of what has been mentioned here. Your comments will play a good part of that. Thanks.

Peter, :) I'll certainly keep this version along with any reworking. Really glad you liked the song and appreciate your comments.

Bob P.

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Re: When We Had It Right

Post by Robtoons » Mon Jul 14, 2014 2:00 pm

Cool tune Bob!
I missed this before, major Birds feel for me too, a bit psychedelic.
Sounds like the drum part is mostly one pattern throughout, but you mentioned doing some drum work earlier, so that should help things. I'm with Andy on trying to get more sectional changes worked in there.
Really nice work I like it! -Rob

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Re: When We Had It Right

Post by bobporri » Mon Jul 14, 2014 2:04 pm

Thanks Rob. I'll definitely be addressing some of these things. The drum patterns did change a few times, but I know I need to add some more fills (sparingly I think). I'll be trying what Andy suggested about the verse and chorus with that left side guitar part dropping out at least the first verse, maybe the second also.

Bob P.

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Re: When We Had It Right

Post by johnlewitt » Mon Jul 14, 2014 2:34 pm

Bob,

A lot has already been said, so I won't repeat anything. One idea I'd like to hear is more variation in the way the vocal is stacked. How about a solo voice until 0:30, and then have the stacked vocals kick in? It might, just maybe, add a nice punch when that change happens.

Overall I like where it's going.

John

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Re: When We Had It Right

Post by CrimsnSyrn » Mon Jul 14, 2014 6:34 pm

Hi Bob!

I'm late to the party here - just wanted to say I really enjoyed this. :-)

I'm thinking: Byrds - but yeah, now that I think about it, I can definitely hear XTC. :-)

Is all very vague lyrically, which means it would probably work in a lot of places, LOL.

Musically, yes, as you said, would love to hear more drum fills, and the tambourine louder, ..and it's probably already been suggested, but a button ending is always more useful.

Nice tune! Looking forward to the final.


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Juliet
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Re: When We Had It Right

Post by rdance » Tue Jul 15, 2014 12:26 pm

damn bob, this is cool. love how the chorus words 'see...do...go' hit on the four beat. i might even accent those with cymbal crashes.

also like the right channel git strumming pattern.

at the end of v1 at about :48 on the word 'right", i would stop the drum pattern and let that note/chord ring out through the end of the three beat, creating a nice little edit point/tiny hole on four, and then v2 begins with a bang on the first beat of the next bar.

the lead-in to the bridge at 1:27... i'm hearing "when we had it right" landing on a five chord (A) of some kind (instead of the D), on the word "right", with an E note accented in that A chord...so when it modulates to E, the listener has been "led" there through a transitional chord.

the melody guitar through the bridge could stand out a bit more somehow.

at about 2:30 when you are repeating the refrain, i would up the intensity in the vocal by singing a different line at least once...then do a similar edit point ring out like i suggested for :48, and then bang into that strong outro.

i know this is re-writing your great tune, thanks for the indulgence :mrgreen: . sometimes i can't help myself when i get excited about the tune!

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Re: When We Had It Right

Post by bohemianlife » Tue Jul 15, 2014 2:02 pm

Hi,

I think the song is kick butt. I enjoyed it and it's something I would listen to again. Here's what I'd change on gut reaction:

The "rising, falling, kettle calling" stands fine. To contrast I would make

Long short short Long for "Who did we see?"
Long Long short Long for "What did we do?" play around with it.

Also, on crucifying, just to get variety, I'd change it to

Cruuu ci fyy ing, It sounds a little more natural

I would play around with those second parts, otherwise it becomes da da da da, i.e., short short short short pretty much all the way through.

Sorry I don't have the terminology to explain this.

Hope this helps.

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Re: When We Had It Right

Post by DanLuedke » Tue Jul 15, 2014 6:54 pm

Everybody loves it, Bob! Me too!

If you do anything to make it sound contemporary, I wouldn't go crazy with it. I think that retro sound fits extremely well and comes across as deliberately complimenting the nostalgic subject matter of the song.
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Re: When We Had It Right

Post by bobporri » Wed Jul 16, 2014 9:47 pm

John, Juliet, Richard, Bohemian, Dan - thanks for listening and lending your suggestions. I've made the changes listed below.

I made a number of edits on this over the last few days. I didn't rerecord anything but some of what I did based on suggestions were the following.

Rhythm guitar was taken out of the opening half of each verse so there was more of a build. It seemed too much to take it out of the entire verse. Hopefully the harmony builds the chorus enough. At least for now, I didn't actually change the rhythmic delivery and kept things square on the beats. It's how I heard this from the beginning. I may experiment with this at a later time and try adding some syncopation. Couldn't hear it yet though.

Took out the harmony on the "When we had it right" lines in the main choruses. I think I may have taken a little harmony out in a few other places also. Just trying to lighten things up a bit and build a little more strategically.

I pulled out drums for part of a measure around :48 for a bit of a "stop" effect (I need to learn more about actually using "edit points") as well as once at the end. I added crashes (not too loud though) on the "see", "do", "go" in the chorus.

Added a doubled guitar (the echo lick) during the bridge to boost that part.

Brought up the tambourine level a bit.

I added some drum fills. Some work well I think, a few I'm not sure of. The ones at the stop points might have to be changed.... maybe.

I appreciate all the suggestions. Of course we can go a little crazy trying to implement everything said, so I had to take what resonated for me at this time and was fairly easy to accomplish for now. I would still appreciate any other suggestions and look into editing more.

https://soundcloud.com/bobp3/when-we-had-it-right-mix

Thanks so far everyone.

Bob P.

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Re: When We Had It Right

Post by DanLuedke » Thu Jul 17, 2014 12:48 pm

Big improvement! Everything you did to the drums helped. I like "when we had it right" without the harmony.

Nice work!
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