what does this song need?

[johnlewitt]

I just released an album earlier this week and I've been going through my files and organizing some of the tracks that didn't make the cut. This is one I wrote in January and worked on for far too long without a result I liked. So my questions is what would you do to make it better?

https://soundcloud.com/john-lewitt/devi ... etails-wip

Thanks for listening.

John

[feaker66]

One thing it doesn't need John, is a better singer

You know, everybody has a different take on what they think they would change on your song. Most of the time you would rather not go there, especially with the time you have put into this.

I was anxious to see what direction you would in the vocal after hearing the banjo intro. I was expecting something way different.

I like everything about this song except the banjo. Oh no?? Seems like that intro could be used for something else because it is very catchy.

You know my expertise level John, so take that with a large grain of salt. The last thing I want to do is insult anybody.

Ok, enough...good luck

sincerely

Paul

[eeoo]

I dig this John, cool vibe! When the harmony vox come in something is pretty out of tune, I would isolate the culprit and either re-sing it or get rid of it.

Nice tune!

eo

[bobporri]

John,

Great song. I like it a lot. Ethan hit one of the points I was going to mention about the harmonies being off in a number of areas (for instance, listen close to where they first come in about :40). The other thing, is how you set up the nice sounding bass (root and lower 5th) alternation on the I chord (and also the regular guitar strum pattern) but then during the ii chord and the V chord you change that. I personally think the same patterns might be used (the same continuous root to lower 5th alternation on each of the respective chords and also the guitar strum pattern). I think you were intentionally trying to change things up, but I think the song would just fall into place better if you remained consistent with those things in this song's case. I did not have an issue with the banjo myself, I liked it. Maybe the bass drum could be a bit stronger/more driving throughout/(maybe lower end EQ?). Really nice song and these were just how I heard things.

Bob P.

[johnlewitt]

Thanks guys. An alternate ear is always appreciated and I'm glad you liked the song itself.

Paul, that's interesting that you thought the song was going somewhere else. I'd love to know where!

Ethan, I can fix, change or delete that vocal easily. I spent so much time on the arrangement of everything else, that I overlooked the vocals. I will work on them.

Bob, yes I deliberately changed the rhythm pattern when I initially arranged and tracked the tune. But now that you mention it, that may be what's bugging me. I'm going to try and keep it the same throughout. Such a simple thing - I wish I 'd thought of that earlier!

John

[CrimsnSyrn]

Hi John -

Enjoyed your track. Are you going to the Road Rally?

The thing that most stood out to me (that feels awkward) is the way you sing "the devils in THE details" .

Most contemporary songs are sung so that they sound conversational and natural - hence I would switch it around so that you're singing "the devils in the DEtails"...

Sometimes it's as easy as just changing the accent to emphasis the right syllable- sometimes it requires a note change (usually going up on the emphasised syllable.)

A good exercise I've learned from Pat Pattison when writing lyrics - first speak the line naturally, so that you know which syllables to emphasise...

Just my 2 cents.

[DanLuedke]

I think this is pretty good already. If you can fill an album with songs better than this one, I think you should just keep writing new songs.

What didn't work for me is the tagline "Devil's in the Details". I felt like the lyrics were developing really well and were either leading to a profound statement about love or existential crisis or something. I might be way off about that, but to me the verse lyrics and vocal performance establish a great sort of understated agony/struggle that needs to resolve with something stronger than devil's in the details. It might be more satisfying if the tagline rhymed too, but maybe not.

Grain of salt though. I'm not much of a lyricist, just a listener and that was my impression.

Congrats on the album release!

[funsongs]

At this point these are gonna just be comments-to-taste, for what they're worth...
so, with that in mind, and just addressing the music portion, here's what I would do:
(the introduction of the John Mellencamp-ish squeeze-box and harmonica sounds led me to this):

1. I'd shorten the intro so that it's max :10 when vocals come in by letting the banjo and guitar start together, and give us a hint of the melody with a few of the harmonica notes that will get reintroduced later in the song.

2. My ears were itching for more from the bass... like a counterpoint melody or something interesting in the lower register, but that doesn't get in the way of the rest of it. Possibly even adding a complementary cello line to boost that?

3. I'd like to hear a version where you employ the full-time tempo for the whole song; building it up from beginning to end... and then compare them to see/hear which stands the strongest.

Others have made good suggestions re lyrics.

hth;
Cheers.
Peter

[johnlewitt]

Juliet, yes I struggle all the time with trying to sound contemporary and placing the emphasis on the proper syllable - I always need people to point out when I'm not! And yes, I'm going to the rally. Went last year for the first time, so I'm really looking forward to this one with the knowledge I picked up from last year!

Dan, that's an interesting take on the lyrics. The songs actually about dealing with death, or more specifically not being able to deal with death in the traditional way. So when I wrote 'I guess the devils in the details', it was supposed to be a retort to anyone judging the narrators nature as everyone grieves in their own way (or at least that was my attempt!).

Peter, I think I've come to the conclusion that I will be recording a new bass line so I'll keep that in mind. A cello might be interesting (and there's no harm in trying!).

Thanks,

John