Emotional Acoustic Singer Songwriter tune

[ericmakesmusic]

Would love some thoughts on this.

https://soundcloud.com/ericmakesmusic/i ... ng/s-Qu15F

I didn't write it to a specific listing but I may submit it to this one.


SAD or HEARTFELT, EMOTIONALLY TOUCHING, ACOUSTIC-BASED SINGER/SONGWRITER SONGS with Male Vocals are needed by the Owner of an A-List Film/TV Music Publishing Company that's new to running listings with TAXI, and we're glad to have them on board! Submit heartfelt, Down-to-Mid-Tempo Songs that could be found on the same contemporary playlist as artists like James Blunt, Passenger, Jason Mraz, etc. Quoting the source: "Lyrics about love, life, and general relationship based themes always work really well for us." Give them well-crafted songs with emotionally compelling melodies, great hooks, and instantly relatable lyrics. Be sure your vocals are well-performed, with cool phrasing and emotional believability. Please keep your lyrics universal enough to work for a variety of scenes and scenarios. Please avoid specific names, places, dates, times, and brands. Do NOT copy or rip off the referenced artists in any way, shape, or form. Use them only as a guide for tempo, texture, and tone. This company offers an EXCLUSIVE deal. They pay quarterly based on the licensing revenue generated by the music. You'll keep 100% of the Writers share of performance royalties and the company will get 100% of the Publisher's share. Since this is an EXCLUSIVE deal, please be sure your material is NOT already signed to any other Libraries or Catalogs. You must own or control 100% of your Master and Copyright to pitch for this. Broadcast quality is needed (great sounding home recordings are fine). Please submit one to three Songs online or per CD, include lyrics. All submissions will be screened and critiqued by TAXI and must be received no later than Friday, November 28, 2014.
TAXI # S141128SS




Lyrics

verse

I stand in the smoke
the fire took it all
away

our hearts were so close
who’d a thought
we’d lose it all
to the flames

pre

now it’s just me
and these memories
stuck on repeat
trying to find the great mistake

chorus

but I gave it everything
yes I gave it everything
still it all broke down
and its all gone now

but I gave it everything
yes I gave it everything
still it all broke down
and she’s all gone now

verse

I’m an empty vessel
I poured my contents out
across the floor


and now it’s all been wasted
nothing’s gonna grow here
not anymore

pre

so I don’t move
cause I’m too consumed
why isn’t she here
here in my room

chorus

when I gave it everything
yes I gave it everything
still it all broke down
and its all gone now

but I gave it everything
yes I gave it everything
still it all broke down
and she’s all gone

bridge

now
I think I’ll disappear
Let me fade away
I’m sure the view is better from the clouds

I can’t face this down
how do I escape
to anywhere but here

chorus

cause I gave it everything
yes I gave it everything
still it all broke down
and its all gone now

I gave it everything
yes I gave it everything
still it all broke down
and she’s all gone

[sguiles]

Ha. Ok. Sorry. I thought it was for a listing. Thanks for putting one in there. I find it's much easier to hit a target if there's a target to shoot for. Since you weren't originally aiming for a listing, is there an artist you had in mind for this song?

Love your performance though.
Nice, gentle piano playing and you have a great tone and vibrato to your voice.

I think the main vocal track may need to be a bit more "exact" or cleaned up.
The strings need to sound a bit more real. They work in some spots, but when they stick out (especially when they're all by themselves) they sound not so real.

Good lyric too. Pretty universal feelings of sadness at a broken relationship.

Hope this is helpful.

[Fullertime]

What's up Eric!

Great start man. I LOVE the piano feel and the "up front-ness" of the vocal. I agree with Steven on the production ideas as well.

There were a few spots where the vocal could be tuned or tightened up and I think the strings that come in need to be either A. More realistic B. More warm and/or pad like or C. Not there at all. The song really stands on it's own as is with Piano & Voice. Although I would like a little more "high-end" in the vocal EQ... it could be just a touch brighter in the upper frequencies...

I would also like to hear maybe a little more intensity in the vocal on the last chorus... a little more heartache... a little more biting to it.. think Bruno Mars

But seriously man, you got a great idea in the works...

My only other feedback, and this is strictly my opinion, take it or leave it... I would like to see maybe just a "glimmer" of hope at the end instead of suicidal despair:) lol Perhaps, an inlking of "maybe, just maybe" things could get better or look up.... or You can become a better person because of this experience or etc.... or what you could do different going forward to prevent this from happening again... make sence?

Anyways, really enjoyed listening to it. Thanks for sharing!!! It's got a lot of potential bro!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Fuller

[ericmakesmusic]

Thanks for the feedback Steve and Fuller.

Steve, I didn't have an artist in mind but I was going for something that might work on Grey's Anatomy.

Thanks to you both. I'll look at cleaning up the vocals and addressing those strings.

[Fullertime]

Eric one more thing...

Dude your song "Too Big For The City" is freaking legit man!!!

Seriously. That thing is the real deal bro. Anything happening to that piece?

Peace
Fuller

[ericmakesmusic]

Thanks Fuller,

That song is signed with an exclusive library. No activity on it as of yet though.

[denalihighway]

Hey Eric

just wanted to chime in and say nice job - very evocative vocal. Beautiful. I didn't notice the vocal tightness as much as the guys but I would trust their ears more than mine

the strings yes, perhaps better samples or better articulation / expression etc.

might be just me but thought the piano got lost sometimes when the vox went up - perhaps some automation required. being picky though...

really enjoyed it.
Gar

[LamarPecorino]

Eric:

Did you happen to post to the listing that was looking for piano driven material ala John Legend "All Of Me"? I think that would have been a good shot.

[ericmakesmusic]

Thank you Gar and Lamar,

Really appreciate the feedback. Lamar, No I didn't see that listing. But thanks, I'll look out for those types in the future as well.

[feaker66]

Very nice Eric

Only slight problem I hear is the exact one that I face each time I make a new song. If you don't actually sing the song as you play the piano, (IMHO) you just cant be smooth in the delivery. Your voice has a lot of character and the emotion is present. Just get it to flow:)

sincerely

Paul