does this ballad work for this love themed listing?

[johnlewitt]

Hi All,

Here's a new tune I'm working on finishing up and I wanted to get your thoughts based on the listing below.

https://soundcloud.com/john-lewitt/who-needs-tomorrow

I was thinking of submitting it to this listing which is due next Friday. Now, that's strictly based on the A Great Big World reference. Do you think I'm on target? Any comments on the mix or a al's would also be appreciated as I'm still fine tuning things.

INTROSPECTIVE, LOVE-THEMED, ACOUSTIC-BASED SINGER/SONGWRITER SONGS with Male Vocals are needed by the CEO of an A-List Film/TV Music Publishing Company that's aggressively expanding its catalog to pitch for feature films, top TV shows, and TV commercials. Please submit emotionally stirring Down-to-Mid-Tempo Songs that could be found on the same playlist as artists like Noah Gunderson, A Great Big World, Ben Howard, Ed Sheeran (first album), etc., etc., etc. Give them well-crafted songs with super catchy melodies, captivating lyrics, and an emotional vocal performance. They'll be looking for a chorus that really seals the deal on an emotional level. Lyrics should be universal, avoiding references to specific names, dates, times, places, brands, and profanity.

Thanks for listening!

John

[funsongs]

Hi John.
This song sounds well-crafted and nicely performed.
You didn't ask for comments on the lyrics/writing...
but if you are open to some "fwiw/imho" feedback...
just indicate so.
Cheers,
Peter

[johnlewitt]

I'm always open to any suggestion!

[funsongs]

Okay... cool. It's not intended to be negative, but hopefully constructive:

Your "pay-off"... line 3 & 6 in the Chorus seems weak...
and a let down compared with the others building up to them.

"So I’m going to live for today.
‘Cause who needs tomorrow
When we’ve got this day.
I’m going to spend my time with you like there’s no tomorrow
‘Cause who needs tomorrow
When we’ve got today."

Your song reminds me of this classic one: "We've Got Tonight"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C3BuITOx3Cs

So... my thought is: if you could change up those two phrases... say the same thing, using some different words/images;
so that yours has something very original about it.

I hope that helps, and doesn't seem too brutal at this stage of recording and production.
The other elements of your song are good, imho.
Cheers,
Peter

[johnlewitt]

I've never heard this cover before, I just remember the Bob Seger original!

So I've been racking my brain to see if there's a better line that I can come up witt and everything that's popped in my head is pretty weak. I was going for something very conversational and timeless. Does anyone else think those lines are let downs?

Let me know.

John

[funsongs]

fwiw... just trying another pattern:

"So I’m going to live for today
‘Cause who needs tomorrow
Feelin's here and somehow
I’m going to spend my time with you... you... yeah, you...
‘Cause who needs tomorrow
Let's be lovin' here right now"

Hey... ... if it was easy, we'd all be writing the next big hit right now.
hth; rootin' for your success with this.
Cheers,
Peter

[feaker66]

John

Structure is good. Melody line cool, prechorus right on target and a killer chorus.

I see this sooooo movie trailer. Great vocal delivery. I have now graduated to fan:)

Sincerely

Paul

[Bliciouz]

Hey John,

Nice song man!
I think the chorus would work like this but if you do want to give it a interesting twist you could change 'today' for 'yesterday'.
That would make 'tomorrow', 'today' and 'yesterday' sum up. It would change the rythm of the chorus a bit. This would however in my opinion change the emphasis from who needs tomorrow' to 'who needs yesterday'. Thus changing your title.

It would make the chorus:
So I’m going to live for today.
‘Cause who needs tomorrow
When we got yesterday.
I’m going to spend my time with you like there’s no tomorrow
‘Cause who needs tomorrow
When we got yesterday.

While listening i noticed that in the first line of the chorus there's some noise in the background like someone is rumbling through your basement . You might wanna clear that out.

Anyway these are just some ideas. I know how awful it can feel when someone is trying to change your 'baby' so please bear in mind it are just suggestions.

Grtz Bert

[funsongs]

Hey John,
I know how awful it can feel when someone is trying to change your 'baby' so please bear in mind it are just suggestions.
Grtz Bert

... indeed; even a baby needs changing at times.
(just jokin' with yuz...)

[PeterD]

Hey John!

I like it, but I'm concerned about a few things ...

There's a strong 80's vibe that's coming through. I LOVE 80's, but the industry may not as much. The piano sounds a tad stiff in spots and the vocal reverb may be backing you in that corner.

I'm not a lyric master, so I can't really comment on them.

I do think a less-polished, raw (but well produced) version of that would have a better chance at getting a screener's attention.

Again, my 1.75 cents only. I like to hear all objective comments when I'm on the fence about submitting to something I'm unsure about. I can deal with losing $5 now and then, but it ruins my week when I feel so strongly about a song that gets returned.

Good luck with your decision!!