My Heartland - Universal Enough?

[nylyrics]

Hi Songwriters:

I was wondering if my lyrics are universal enough on this one? Before I put up a melody - i just wanted to make sure
and consider and strong or weak points you might read........ Thanks in Advance for your time. Andy


My Heartland
© Andy Mackay

You’re strong enough to let me get lost
Bravely abandon the shore and sail off
And when I’m discovering who I’m gonna be
Wherever I am ,you’re next to me
Smiling as I find my way
cheering front row center everyday

And I know I’m not the same for you
And feelings, I don’t always let them show
But I want you to know

You’re my heartland
You’re my home base
You’re the center of my crazy world
my safe place
You’re my tower
my cathedral
And I fly like and eagle
And when I mess everything up
you reach out with understanding hands
You’re my heartland

It’s frightening to be in this life alone
Turning corners to places unknown
But when I start shaking lost in the night
I remember you saying I am the light
And my fears they melt away
As I blaze into a beautiful day

And I see, the place where I came from
And your love, its my guiding star
Wherever you are

You’re my heartland
You’re my home base
You’re the center of my crazy world
my safe place
You’re my tower
my cathedral
And I fly like and eagle
And when I mess everything up
you reach out with understanding hands
You’re my heartland

[bobporri]

Andy, good lyrics. The following things are just how this hit me.

A few least favorite lines,
"cheering front row center" (just seems to try too hard or something)
"You're my home base" (there is probably a better way to say this)


Favorite lines,
"You're the center of my crazy world" (This brings a nice emotion into things)
"my safe place"

It was on the "light" line that I realized this was a Christian song I assume. I kept trying to make it a human relationship before that. I think if you are careful of the "light" line, it could still be either. Like if you said "I am your light" it could still be seen either way. "the light" pins it if that's what you really want.

Just my thoughts.

Bob P.

[nylyrics]

Hey Bob:

Thanks for the thoughtfu response. I am actually trying to walk that line where it could be a relationship between any two people or at the same time somone else might walk away with the christian thing. On the light line I may change that to, "i remember you saying I can be the light".

Thanks.

Andy

[larrymagee]

Hi Andy - I really like the chorus except for the cliche "fly like an eagle". What genre are you going for?

I think the verses and prechoruses could possibly be improved. To me, they don't sound conversational nor do they paint word pictures - and those are the two things that usually work best. But if it is a Christian song they might be fine.

I've paid the $20 and had Taxi critique two songs. It's really worth it. You might want to do that after you get everything finished.

[nylyrics]

Hi Larry:

Good points. Thank you for your time and input. Genre I was not quite sure - adult contemp maybe - I am trying to not go obvious christian as much as "human" - a user friendly sentiment for many situations/relationships. Certainly something with crossover potential.
I agree with the eagle line - thinking that when i used it. Gonna work on that and certainly the verses too.

I love the word pictures advice and i love to use them. I am wondering if you have a "go to" song that you think about that displays that really well in todays terms? I always get inspired by great works- "oh yeah that's how you do it" and then write a new idea my way.

Thanks again.

Andy

[funsongs]

Without the benefit of a melody, the cadence of your phrases seem to have a good rhythm to them.
The overall theme seems to be solid and complete in its imagery.
I agree with Larry's comment that "fly like an eagle" is too cliche'
and weakens the momentum and where this could go.
The majority of it reads like it works.
I look forward to hearing it put to a melody;
which will allow you to place emphasis and emotion on the elements
that are key to your storytelling; and that make the Chorus pop & memorable.

To answer your question - yes; the lyrics are universal enough; imho.
hth; Cheers,
Peter R.
(ed. fixed a typo )

[nylyrics]

Peter:

Thanks for the input. Appreciate it. Glad we have a concensus on the eagle thing..... I am working on it.
Best.

Andy

[nylyrics]

Still working on the verse improvements but how is this for the chorus to replace the "eagle cliche"

thanks. Andy

New:

You’re my heartland
You’re my home base
You’re the center of my crazy world
my safe place
You’re my tower
my cathedral
You come running out the door when I need you
With open arms. With reaching hands
You’re my heartland

old:

You’re my heartland
You’re my home base
You’re the center of my crazy world
my safe place
You’re my tower
my cathedral
And I fly like and eagle
And when I mess everything up
you reach out with understanding hands
You’re my heartland

[larrymagee]

good changes.

[Fullertime]

These lyrics are strong! My only thought... I would leave off "out the door" in the Chorus.

:

You’re my heartland
You’re my home base
You’re the center of my crazy world
my safe place
You’re my tower
my cathedral
You come running (remove: out the door) when I need you
With open arms. With reaching hands
You’re my heartland

Peace!
Fuller