2 Mixes of THIS IS NO WONDERLAND

[oddgirl]

Hi, all:

I am trying to figure out the production on my new co-write THIS IS NO WONDERLAND. We've done 2 mixes so far. The 2nd one has a little more instrumentation than the original mix, but I'm wondering if it is a better mix in terms of the production as well as for pitching the song. The original mix got generally really good feedback but there was some thought all the sections sound too much alike and the mix felt more like a work tape than a professional recording. It's a singer-songwriter/alt-pop type song, so I think the production can be fairly sparse, but I still need it to sound like something that would fit on a film soundtrack or on AAA radio.

I'm really hoping to pitch this song (which I really love) to some of the listings on TAXI that have deadlines in early July. So I'm trying to figure out the production pretty quickly.

This is the 1st mix:

https://soundcloud.com/tgrahamwrites/th ... nd-1st-mix

This is the 2nd mix:

https://soundcloud.com/tgrahamwrites/th ... nd-2nd-mix

What do you guys think? Is the production on either mix good enough to start pitching the song around? Or does it still need something more to make the track stand out more? I'm not a production person; I'm a lyricist, not a musician, so I'm not great at knowing when the production really works. I may love it & everyone else says "no" (or the other way around).

I'd appreciate any feedback -- ggeneral or specific.

Thanks in advance.

[ottlukk]

I listened to the first half of both, and preferred mix #1. No reason, just liked it better. Ott

[lesmac]

I liked the second mix better listening on my phone. Had 3 listens and think the guitar riff needs variation from intro to verse and also going into 2nd verse. Either change the last 2 or 3 notes through the verses or do something mix wise for variation. The rest varies very nicely.
Just one persons opinion.

[andygabrys]

2nd production is better cause something happens in the chorus which was needed.

But the vocal in the 2nd mix feels too loud for me.

the second chorus and the bridge need more parts - perhaps double the guitar with another identical performance on the left side, it falls a little flat there.

You can think of it this way:

Verse - narrow and more sparse.
Chorus - big wide exciting
Bridge - more of the same as the chorus
Breakdown - small, narrow, giving the final chorus someplace to explode from.

and IMO - the ambience isn't quite right.

The drums are somewhat roomy, and the guitar is in space, but the vocal is pretty dry except for the delay in the second verse.

I would be looking first of all to put the drums and vocal in the same room - either dry up the drums a little, or wet down the vocal. Then find a way to make the guitar and piano work with those two first elements. maybe just bringing up the guitar could work.

[oddgirl]

Thanks for the feedback, everybody. I appreciate it