WIP - Edited -ReMixed 27 July

[mikemichnya]

Hey Steve,

Nice lead guitar work in the intro and the bridge. Very tasteful.

I agree with losing the count in, but IMHO the piano at the end doesn't add enough to justify it. I'd end it around the 2:51 mark on that big chord. I agree w/John that it works equally well from male perspective, but I'd like to read the lyrics.

Great start!

[SteveJCurtis]

Hi Mike
Thanks for the comments. I have edited the mix and for info here are the lyrics:-

WHEN YOU COME HOME -Steve J Curtis / Bushranger Music c & p 2015

Verse 1
ALONE AGAIN IN THE DARK
I HEAR YOUR CAR LEAVE THE DRIVE
WE NEED TO TALK
NOT THAT THERE'S MUCH TO SAY
WE COULD HAVE WORKED THIS OUT
IF YOU STOPPED RUNNING AWAY

Pre-Chorus 1
YOU'RE WAY OUT OF LINE
WENT TOO FAR THIS TIME

Chorus
SO FROM NOW ON
YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN
MY FAITH IN YOU HAS GONE
I WON'T BE HERE WHEN YOU COME HOME

Verse 2
I'M TIRED OF ALL THE FIGHTS
THE SQUEAL OF YOUR TYRES
HELPED ME DECIDE
MY LIFE HAS BEEN ON HOLD
I SEE THAT NOW
SO I'M TAKING CONTROL

Pre-Chorus 2
IT SCARES ME TO THE CORE
BUT I'M STILL CLOSING THE DOOR

Bridge
DEEP DOWN I HOPE YOU'LL BE OK
BUT THAT WON'T MAKE ME STAY

[DanLuedke]

Just wanted to say this is really good, Stevie! All around.

but three things pooped out at me.

Sorry - I can't be mature and pretend I didn't see that typo....

[SteveJCurtis]

[johnlewitt]

It's that damn auto correct, honestly!

[KenSmith]

Sounding great Steve, love this song, Topping and tailing has worked and like the organ coming through more, particularly at the end. it "poops out well" lol

[mikemichnya]

Steve,

Mix sounds great. I really like that intro, and I think your vocal delivery is solid. I think it could work from either a male or female perspective, although as it's written, it does come across more as a female song.

I wonder if you considered a couple of lyric ideas:

The easy one is changing the second line in the chorus from "You're on your own" to "I'm on my own". That it would make it more about the singer's power, instead of something vindictive...

I hear a bit of a disconnect between the last couple of lines in the first verse and your hook:

WE COULD HAVE WORKED THIS OUT
IF YOU STOPPED RUNNING AWAY...

...I WON'T BE HERE WHEN YOU COME HOME

To me, that comes across like the singer is running away, too. (what's good for the goose?) Consider ending the first verse with something like (and this isn't it):

We're long past working this out (or I'm done trying to work this out or something similar...)
I think it's time we called it a day...

Then the "I won't be here when you come home" doesn't conflict w/the hook, and goes right to WHY the singer will be gone this time.

Just my two cents, for what they're worth. Great job overall, and good luck w/it!

[SteveJCurtis]

Hi Mike
Thanks for the comments and ideas. You have given me something to think about there so I'll ponder on it.
Very best regards
Steve

[lesmac]

Hi Steve,

I too like this song, your laid back vocal delivery [and tone], as well as your playing.

I know I've chimed in late but I'll throw up a word change for consideration.
'gone' to 'flown' as in ..my faith in you.

I listened to this track when you first posted and it has stuck in my head…thats a good sign.

[SteveJCurtis]

Hi Lester.
Thanks for the comments and the suggestion.
Everything everyone has suggested has got me thinking, and that just proves the power of this forum. It's a great place!
Cheers/Steve