Country/Pop Lyrics "She's my dude"

[Strangesound]

Hey guys,

I am working since 2014 on these lyrics but I think they are OK now. Although I'm not a current country expert, I thought it could have a "Joe Nichols - Yeah" vibe. I'm curious if the lyrics have enough images and if you guys dig the concept.

If anyone is a experienced country-writer who pitched successfully via Taxi to artists; I'd love to do a collab, shoot me a mail.

But first things first, the lyrics


She's my dude
Adrian Czarnecki ©2015

Intro
Guitar melody

Verse 1
She passes on, pink skirt toys
turning skrews that's her kinda job
she's cool with the boys

Her jaded jeans, cough white dust
she claps her hands, it's raining chalk
she'll never ever fall for rust

Pre-Chorus
kicking it up, all bottles fly
throwing stones in her head, she ain't shy
raising her finger, that's how much she cares

Chorus
And If I ever fall I won't fall low
yeah I know a gal I can count on
She's my dude

She's the trace I'm gonna follow
like a secret sixth sense I rely on
She's my dude
She's my dude

Guitar-melody

Verse 2
She keeps her elbows razorsharp
don't wanna take a lot, too much to heart
though, she doesn't want to play this part

Pre-Chorus 2
Her shredded shirts ain't much alive
can't hide her curves, that's her style
raising two fingers that's how much she cares

Chorus
And If I ever fall I won't fall low
yeah I know a gal I can count on
She's my dude

She's the trace I'm gonna follow
like a secret sixth sense I rely on
She's my dude
She's my dude

Bridge
I'd turn every stone around this Earth
to find someone just like her
having her number raises my net-worth

But don't extend, the rubber bend
until it's gone and you're left with two dangling ends
then you're got a lot going on to get of your chest

Small instr. break

Chorus
And If I ever fall I won't fall low
yeah I know a gal I can count on
She's my dude

She's the trace I'm gonna follow
like a secret sixth sense I rely on
She's my dude
She's my dude

-------------------------------
Thanks!

[mikemichnya]

Hey Adrian,

I'm a country writer and a long time member of the Nashville Songwriters Association International (NSAI). I haven't had any success pitching country songs to Taxi, but my lyric reviews usually have very positive comments. (I get returns due to my melodies and production. ) Country lyrics tend to focus on clear story lines and images, and every pro Country writer I've ever talked or listened to really focuses on writing to the hook. I don't think you've done that here. I think the song idea "She's My Dude" is cool, but it needs more development.

One thing I like is that you're still re-writing the song. Until it gets picked up or cut by someone, I'd say keep at it. My comments are below>

Verse 1
She passes on, pink skirt toys (I don't know what "pink skirt toys" are, or what she "passes on.")
turning screws that's her kinda job (if she's a mechanic, then just say so...)
she's cool with the boys

Her jaded jeans, cough white dust (did you mean 'faded jeans?' The 'cough white dust image' is cool, but disconnected...)
she claps her hands, it's raining chalk (Is she a teacher? Why does it rain chalk when she claps her hands?)
she'll never ever fall for rust (I don't get this line...)

Pre-Chorus
kicking it up, all bottles fly (I don't get the "all bottles fly' reference...)
throwing stones in her head, she ain't shy (or the "throwing stones in her head" line...)
raising her finger, that's how much she cares (or what raising her finger signifies how much she cares, and for what...)

Chorus
And If I ever fall I won't fall low
yeah I know a gal I can count on ("she's the one that I can count on..." makes it more personal)
She's my dude

She's the trace I'm gonna follow (I'm not sure this line is adds anything...)
like a secret sixth sense I rely on
She's my dude
She's my dude

Guitar-melody (no need to indicate this in your lyrics...)

Verse 2
She keeps her elbows razor sharp (Cool image, but why? How does that make her your 'dude'?)
don't wanna take a lot, too much to heart (who? her or you? a lot of what?)
though, she doesn't want to play this part (which part? mechanic? teacher? your dude?)

Pre-Chorus 2 (I like that you wrote a second pre-chorus...)
Her shredded shirts ain't much alive (I don't know what this means...)
can't hide her curves, that's her style (does this mean she tries to hide her beauty but can't?)
raising two fingers that's how much she cares (what's the difference between one and two fingers? What does that mean?)

Chorus
And If I ever fall I won't fall low
yeah I know a gal I can count on
She's my dude

She's the trace I'm gonna follow
like a secret sixth sense I rely on
She's my dude
She's my dude

Bridge
I'd turn every stone around this Earth
to find someone just like her (why if she's already your dude?)
having her number raises my net-worth (This line's kinda cool...)

But don't extend, the rubber bend (you mean the rubber band? And what does it have to do with the hook?)
until it's gone and you're left with two dangling ends (I don't get this line either...)
then you're got a lot going on to get of your chest (or this one...)

etc....

Adrian, I don't think the bridge is working. You could build something around the line about raising your net worth, but the reference to broken rubber bands and dangling ends was confusing.

I think the chorus is unique, but consider simplifying it:

And If I ever fall I won't fall low
She's the girl I rely on
like a secret sixth sense I can count on
She's my dude
She's my dude
She's my dude

"She's My Dude" might work as a hook, but I'm not sure it's a very country idea. Also, you have to write to that hook. What makes her your dude? What does 'dude' mean to you, and how does she exemplify it? You really have to paint the picture of her as cool and laid back (assuming that's your definition of 'dude").

Keep working on it. Good luck with whatever you decide!

[Strangesound]

Hey Mike,

thanks a ton for your elaborate reply! I really appreciate it. I really had the feeling that I have a clear, concise lyric but if these questions came up in you during the first reading, well, I'm not done yet.

I've got specific images in my head but failed obviously to deliever it clearly in every line. Your comments make sense although I could explain every line. Since the listener is on his own I better let him figure it out without any obstacles.

What I also notice now is that I might have too many ideas going on. The song is packed with too many images which don't get deepened. Is that the case here?

Thanks so much again.

Adrian

[Strangesound]

You really have to paint the picture of her as cool and laid back (assuming that's your definition of 'dude").

Yes, that was my intention. A girl everyone loves to hang out with and she's doing fine on her on with her active lifestyle and she does not get any s*** get her down.

As a writing novice: I thought that this could be a fitting country concept. What does it take to bend the concept so much that you'd say that it works fine and makes you wish you had written this song?

Edit: I just realized that I failed to introduce a personal interaction between the lyrical me and her. It's too much vague description and "what she does" during the day instead of me being part of her life.