DOWN TIME is my lyric "ready"

[lyricsbykc]

I feel this is ready to go but am never 100% sure I couldn't somehow improve my lyric.

Its a country, love song that imagine with a rocking mid to up tempo chorus.

Is there anything that sticks out to you that doesn't work?
I appreciate your thoughts, feedback and constructive criticisms, Thank you! Karyn


DOWN TIME

My heart nearly stopped when you slipped your blue school sweater off
I remember thinking only an angel's skin could be this soft
I can still taste the cherry slushee that flavored your cool lips
My shaking hands slowly slid to the forbidden curve of your hips
I bolted out the back door when we heard your Momma get home
And two decades later my pulse still races when we're all alone

Just you and me and our DOWN TIME
I'm ready morning, noon or nighttime
Let's go undercover for a while
Feel free to show in nothing but a smile
When you're so close to me
There's no place I'd rather be
I'll thank God that you're mine
And for giving us our DOWN TIME

You keep up with the chaos, I keep climbing the ladder
Raising our kids up right helps me stay focused on what matters
Love 'n laughter warm our house, getting me through long days
Nothing we got is perfect, but you make life perfect anyway
I'd have no direction without you, you're true north in my world
But I'm okay with getting lost in love with my favorite girl

(Repeat Chorus)

I see that fire in your eyes
And baby I want you more
That's a real cute dress you're wearing
But it'd look much better on the floor

(Repeat Chorus)

[cassmcentee]

Hi Karyn!
My first thought is that the lyrics are written for an older generation...
If you have a place to market that then everything is fine!
But if you want to hit the current market it would be better suited to change some references to make it younger.
"Blue School Sweater" (1950's to 1960's) ...not sure what could replace this phrase
"Cherry Slushie" (1970's to 1990's) ...many possibilities for change but not as necessary as the "Sweater" line

2 cents
Cass

[lyricsbykc]

Thanks for your thoughts Cass, I'm not sure why the sweater line has to be dated though? Lots of high school kids ( even today) wear a uniform sweater to school. private school, catholic schools , even some public schools wear uniforms, then there are sweaters for athletics too, so i'll agree to disagree with you on that. This song does show some passage of time and would probably be appropriate for an artist in their late 30's or 40's . The number of decades referenced in the last line of the verse could be changed to fit the singer.

The point of the first verse is to show that it was in the past.

[adessell]

Hmm not sure I'm totally married to the title Down time. I almost wonder if in lost in love with favorite girl would be a little more memorable of a title line. Maybe my favorite girl. That might work well.

The opening lines kinda screamed pervert to me (/:
But as I read I. I realized that you were probably describing your early relationship with someone that became a significant person in your life which later sounded like your wife.

It's cool.

[lyricsbykc]

Lol I've re written much of that lyric since then to eliminate some of the confusion. thanks for your input!

[adessell]

ohhh.. someone else just told me that on another. post. sorry still learning how to use the forum. I'm new here..