A new song! GIVE YOU UP

[LyricsMatter]

I hope you enjoy listening to GIVE YOU UP as much as we enjoyed writing it! Once again, Jan surpassed every expectation I had for this song idea and lyric with his wonderful production skills.

https://soundcloud.com/lyrics-matter-21 ... ive-you-up

We welcome ANY and ALL comments and/or suggestions fellow Taxians!

All the best!

Trisha


GIVE YOU UP

I, I remember the day I met ‘cha  
That little cafe on the corner / you looked my way 
You, you didn’t need to win me over 
I liked that boyish look of wonder / on your face 

Now I’m dying on the line 
I don’t know what to say 
Feeling like a fool in a thousand ways 
And the street we sat beside doesn’t look the same 
Oh I guess I didn’t know ya
No I guess I didn’t know ya
So I think it’s time I told ya

It’s time to give you up
Give up what was never mine
It’s time to give you up
And I hope she loves your songs
And I hope she loves your smile 

I, I liked your warm embrace we fit great
Since then nothing’s been the same / guess you could say
You, you’ve been a bitter pill to swallow
We should’ve gone our separate ways / was a mistake

Now I’m dying on the line
I don’t know what to say 
Feeling like a fool in a thousand ways 
And the street we sat beside doesn’t look the same 
Oh I guess I didn’t know ya
No I guess I didn’t know ya
So I think it’s time I told ya

It’s time to give you up
Give up what was never mine
It’s time to give you up
And I hope she loves your songs
And I hope she loves your smile

Little did I know / little did I know 
Sunny blue-skied day
Seems like only yesterday / little did I know
Another time another place 
Who knows / who knows
I didn’t ask to feel this way / little did I know
Shades of blue / you stayed / I flew 
Saved good-bye for another day

It’s time to give you up
Give up what was never mine
It’s time to give you up
And I hope she loves your songs
And I hope she loves your smile

It’s time to give you up
Give up what was never mine
It’s time to give you up
And I hope she loves your songs
And I hope she loves your smile

[stevetwosheds]

Hi Trish

I feel we should be honest otherwise we aren't really helping each other - so in the spirit of honesty I think this could have been a little stronger, melodically I guess, although it was certainly nice enough and enjoyable to hear - but just didn't leap out for me, enough to WANT to play it again and again - which is really what a hit is.

But what do I know - I only know what I like, so a few more opinions I guess - someone else might be totally besotted with it.

I enjoyed reading the lyric cold a little more than the actual tune - Perhaps I was expecting something more emotional because the lyric itself made me feel something - but then I stopped FEELING it when I heard it sang - I MAY have been very slightly distracted by an unfortunate nasal tone, a slightly blocked nose perhaps - I'm no expert but I wondered whether mic position could help.

I'm very self conscious that I can't do any better so "who the hell am I" etc etc - and I've never had the guts to let people comment on my own material - life's depressing enough without having to face yet another demon - But you;ve posted yours and presumably don't want us to tell white lies that it "sounds like a hit" unless we genuinely believe that - My opinion is amateur but it IS sincere - I think you could make the melody reflect the sadness of the situation. but I could be completely wrong - It COULD be a hit - There is stuff on the charts I just don;t get - This is just my opnion as a 58 year old british bloke who mainly likes the more sincere types of modern songs, not so much the hip hop or posy R&B stuff - so my opinion may be skewed.

If it's an important song to you, a real situation perhaps, in your shoes I would have ten goes or more, completely different melodies, lyrical approaches, looking for the one that conveys the feeling of the situation best.

Yeah, it's hard though - I know! But at least it's fun trying

How does Diane Warren manage to write tunes that pull at our heart strings so immediately? Tunes that MAGNIFY the words? 20 years or so ago she explained on a BBC radio show/documentary that she works so hard on her melodies, improving them in small increments until they are as good as they can possibly be. She also added that her melodies improved most when she transferred from writing on guitar to keyboard.

Lyrics matter but melody clearly does too.

I hope I have not sounded judgemental - It's brave of your to let us hear stuff and I thank you for letting us as we learn too from the experience. One day I'll be brave too and you can return the gesture by telling me my song needs a re-work.

I hope I'm wrong. It wouldn't be the first time, Trish!

Hope you get some more opinions and I look foolish when everyone disagrees!

Steve

PS I CAME BACK FOR A SECOND LISTEN - The problem for me seems to be mainly that the chorus is the least enjoyable part - it kinda dies a little instead of that being the BEST part we look forward to. Feels a bit TOO simple - that instrumental hook that fills the gap in the chorus would have to be absolutely great to serve it's purpose, EARN it's place - it sounds a little throw-away if I;m honest - it;s not the greatest instrument sound on that hook either. MAYBE I'm the wrong person to judge the genre. Or maybe it really does need a stronger chorus and a slightly better lift / pre-chorus so that we feel we are being taken on an emotional journey, riding a wave. It starts off rather well, I thought but falters a little. The chorus needs something stronger happening - it isn't particularly memorable - something gimmiky perhaps - some excitement if not going down the emotional tune route.

I've no idea how screeners cope with the stress of commenting on songs!

[lesmac]

This sounds cool and has my head nodding. I sort of know what Steve was referring to a bit but I think an easy fix in the chorus would be to repeat "give you up 3 times after each phrase.
The more times I listened I was more forgiving of the sparse chorus but it stood out early as needing something.

1st verse: I think you mean this- you didn’t have to try to win me over
"didn't mean" is a little ambiguous to me.

I think your whole second verse could be improved with a continuous theme throughout.
The imagery feels disjointed at present.

"Seems like only yesterday" I'd look for another "ay" rhyme.

"Little did I know / little did I know
Sunny blue-skied day
Seems like only yesterday / little did I know
Another time another place
Who knows / who knows
I didn’t ask to feel this way / little did I know
Shades of blue / you stayed / I flew
Saved good-bye for another day

I think this verse could have a little more clarity. There are a lot of questions and repetition, lines and words. More solid imagery is needed here IMO.

These are just my suggestions, maybe some may resonate. The overall vibe and sound is great.

[songmaster]

Hi Trisha and Jan

I really enjoyed listening to this song. The lyrics and production are great and there is a real subtle hook going on through out the song. I agree with Les that it might punch it up a bit if you repeated the " give you up " line 3 times and maybe have your singer go from a high octave on the first " give you up " down to the low octave on the third " give you up ".

Having said all that , even if you don't make any changes, it is still a great song. I can see a lot of uses for it in Film and TV also.

Cheers

Tom

[LyricsMatter]

Brilliant, Steve! I always admire your frankness.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. You raise some good points and we will carefully ponder upon each one.

All the best!

Trisha

[nick.moxsom]

Good pop song, Trisha

Is that you singing? You have a really nice voice.

For me there is enough melody in there for the genre... BUT...

I'm not convinced the groove is right yet, for this lyric. I'd like to hear a more aggressive approach to the vocal. Make the whole song harder, over a techno beat or similar – still with the drop chorus, but have a section that really pumps. Then big up that chorus hook line vocal with some echo/reverb/whatever. It feels to me ike it wants to drop into a proper dance tip. Why not go Ibiza on it. A more energetic vocal would really help the song, I think.

Just my two cents; feel free to ignore. But I love the song, whatever. Well done

Best,
Nick

[Len911]

I really liked the song, aimed more toward a young woman, than an old man like myself, perhaps,lol!

Being an old man, "on the line" used to be cliche in the seventies for telephone line, maybe today it has a different meaning, like on the hook, another old cliche? Just a piece of trivia, not a suggestion or critique, because I don't know the contemporary view.

The first line of the chorus, u-up, not really a critique, but it gives it a sadder feel, than if it was just up! accented that would change the feel to give the song a more empowered vibe. "It's time to say goodbye", in the first line might give it a break from being a little overly repetitious with the "give you up". You could still break 'bye' into 2 syllables and the second syllable dropping in tone, and bye comes closer to rhyming with 'mine', and a chorus usually loves all the rhyme it can get.

The production, singing, lyrics were really all very excellent! I can even envision two versions, the sadder one, and the empowered version. Personally I like a more sadder song, aka Mr. Pitiful himself, Otis Redding. But I can understand a pop diva preferring the empowered one.

[LyricsMatter]

Hi, Lester!

So glad this song had your head nodding and you enjoyed the overall vibe!

You indicated that you somewhat shared Steve’s perspective in that you both agreed the chorus begs for more hook driven impact and momentum.

Steve commented:

I enjoyed reading the lyric cold a little more than the actual tune - Perhaps I was expecting something more emotional because the lyric itself made me feel something - but then I stopped FEELING it when I heard it sang

If I understand Steve’s comment correctly, he was expecting more of an emotional impact in the chorus after reading the lyric cold because “the lyric itself” evoked emotion in him. That’s a fair and valid point - and one I’m glad Steve made because first impressions do matter - in songwriting.

Les, I’m glad you listened beyond your first impression and became “more forgiving of the sparse chorus” the more times you listened - that’s relevant.

It’s relevant because there is indeed a subtle duality of message and mood between the lyrics and the simplicity of the music (Tom aka Songmaster picked up on this!) in this song.

Give You Up is not a song about loss or regret - in fact, it’s not a sad song at all.

It’s a song about letting go and moving on in a healthy-minded way. It’s about the act of forfeiting a fraudulent relationship to another and being empowered by the decision to do so. (Len correctly sensed and intimated the element or vibe of empowerment present in this song)

The emotion and message of this song are summarized by the last two lines in the chorus - thus our decision not to repeat the hook/title a third time.

And I hope she loves your songs
And I hope she loves your smile

Boom. Healthy. Positive. I wish you well. Goodbye. Done.

I think the lightheartedness of the music in the chorus section accurately reflects a more buoyant vs melancholy message. Wouldn't you agree?

1st verse: I think you mean this- you didn’t have to try to win me over
"didn't mean" is a little ambiguous to me.

Les, I could understand your ambiguity if the lyric was “didn’t mean” but it’s not. The lyric is “didn’t need” - it syllabically fits and makes perfect sense, imo.

Seems like only yesterday" I'd look for another "ay" rhyme.

Little did I know / little did I know
Sunny blue-skied day
Seems like only yesterday / little did I know
Another time another place
Who knows / who knows
I didn’t ask to feel this way / little did I know
Shades of blue / you stayed / I flew
Saved good-bye for another day

Lastly, I agree with you with regard to line 3 in the bridge section. I prefer to avoid using the same word or word ending(s) as a rule. I did actually swap lines 3 and 6 more than one time during the writing process but the chronology of the lyrical story nagged at me a bit more than the sound of the word endings did. If you listen again, you’ll notice the intentional overlap at the end of “yesterday” and “little did I know” in an effort to help it be less noticeable. I will certainly take this into consideration once more should we decide to re-record this song.

All in all, good feedback!

Trisha

[LyricsMatter]

Kind words, Tom. Intuitive and insightful, too!

There is indeed a subtle hook going on throughout this song and I love love love that you were able to discern that subtlety. Glad you enjoyed the listen!

All the best!

Trisha

[LyricsMatter]

Hi Nick!

Nope, not me singing but I’m glad you like the vocals - and the song.

Going for a more chill sounding Chainsmoker / Louis The Child vibe with this one - one good reason why the drop isn’t a full party drop. I do, however, understand the thinking behind your idea…absolutely nothing wrong with going full on Ibiza every now and then. Tell ya what, write your idea of full on Ibiza and I’ll throw some words on it.

All the best!

Trisha