Im looking for comments on the basics: lyrics / melody/ arrangement for this one.
Genre is (female point of view) country/pop.

This is just a quick mock-up with mistakes, bad pitch (to my defence, I have a terrible cold at the moment ) and everything. I need to redo it all, and I'll have a female singer on, so please don't bother commenting the mix.

http://soundclick.com/share?songid=8903414

© 2010 Magne Kolstad

WHEN I NEED YOU THE MOST

Lately life has lost it's magic
It's taken a toll on me
I was a high achiever, and a high believer
Now, I don't feel all that free

And I haven't been there for you
As much as you'd want me to

You should know that I love you
That hasn't changed
But there are different rules now, to the game
If we're to make it through
Please let it go, and just hold me close
Cause when life looks the worst is
WHEN I NEED YOU THE MOST

When you say I need to change
You make me feel so alone
Cause I'm not a different person, and no more worse than
The one you once chose

Though I've grown up to take a stand
Some castles are really made of sand

You should know that I love you
That hasn't changed
But there are different rules now, to the game
If we're to make it through
Please let it go, and just hold me close
Cause when life looks the worst is
WHEN I NEED YOU THE MOST

We must stay strong
Make wishes instead of want's
When we feel hurt, and just make things worse
Let's break the circle, and rise above
To meet hurt with love

(instrumental break)

.. if we're to make it through
Please let it go, and just hold me close
Cause when life looks the worst is
WHEN I NEED YOU THE MOST

You should know that I love you
That hasn't changed
But there are different rules now, to the game
If we're to make it through
Please let it go, and just hold me close
Cause when life looks the worst is
WHEN I NEED YOU THE MOST

Cause when life looks the worst is
WHEN I NEED YOU THE MOST

Hi Magne,

I feel this is going to be a good song, even though I am not qualified to comment on the lyrics nor the direction of what such a song should be heading for. I only know a good melody when I hear one and I.M.H.O. this is an overall good melody. The only part I am not so sure about and I could be totally wrong, is your chorus line "When I need you the most". I feel it is going too hi...perhaps it could be kept low through out the song like you did on your last line.

Good work! Can't wait to hear the finish product.

Guy ♪

Hey Magne
The melody is nice in the verse, but if you're ever going to be submitting for country listings, you might hear about
sectional contrast....maybe? I'd go ahead and do a simple acoustic guitar version with the female vocals (if that's your
plan), and sub it to a country listing that has "critique from Taxi" in it and see what they say. Or get a custom which has more detailed info. Me, I'd do the $5 thing coz the extra $15 to me is needed elsewhere right now. You might not have that problem
tho
Really dug that guitar tone!
All the best
Steve

...
Hey Magne,

What's your goal for this song .. artist pitches or film-tv?

I think the lyric is way too general to pitch to country artists. And the hook is not big enough to pitch to country artists.

But a general/universal lyric is good for film-tv.

I REALLY LIKE the song. I love the vibe. I'd forget about country .. I'd go singer-songwriter ... with a male vocal ... your vocal .. sounding much like it does now .. just produced better.

Dean

Hey Magne, good song but nowhere near "hooky" enough for anything other than Americana/or singer songwriter genre imo. Reminds me of someone . . . if I think of who I'll post back.

Guy,
Thanks for listening. Feels good to hear the melody works for you overall. I'll consider that peak note. I don't want to write something thats too demanding, as that might narrow the marketability too much, but I quickly got artists similar to Faith Hill in mind when I wrote it.

Steve,
You are right about the contrast, of course. I choose to launch the chorus with the same chord as the verses, because it felt natural at the time. The melody still goes up, so Im hoping just to mark the chorus more in the arrangement. I will get pro coaching on it. I use a lot of different sources for feedback (sort of a 360 degree approach). I save where I can, but I still spend more than 500$ a year on pro coaching, and that is just for the chosen few songs. Not to mention all the homestudio gear, pro demos and 'access to the market' fees - and at this point with no returns to justify it.. pheww!

Dean,
I don't really know the goals yet, Dean. My approach is to write the best song possible, then shoot for the sun and maybe end up hitting the moon. The range of a la country artists I usually write for is the more rock/ pop oriented ones, like Faith Hill, Carrie Underwood, Martina McBride, Miranda Lambert, Reba McEntyre, Lee Ann Womack, Keith Urban, Tim McGraw, Jason Aldean. I write a la, because the ones we can hope to reach are the newer generations that are influenced by that generation of artists. I don't write directly for these people, but I usually hear my songs in their range. At least I'd like to visualize that.

If I write the best song I possibly can, then Im basically happy. I take a different approach with my instrumental and non-country stuff, where I more try to learn the writing to specs thing. Based on the first few comments on this, it looks like I should aim for the moon, and maybe end up hitting a haystack or something

But this is still just a first draft lyric, and those tend to be more general for me. My next step is to rewrite for specifics, and Im hoping to take it 1up there. Thanks for listening and share your thoughs. Appreciate it.

Bill,
Thanks for taking the time to listen and comment. Well, those genres are certainly not second rate to me, so if thats where it'll fit, Im gonna do my best to make it REALLY fit The lack of hooks comment are a great reality check, and helpful, so I'll try to give that more attention in the next stage.

magne

Id agree with dean on this one.real nice tune but for country the lyric HAS to be very specific. yours is kind of a general musing with no real examples WHY i need you most or WHAT has happened that now I need you most. there is no real setting for the song . are you in a diner? early morning ? driving to work? the listener has to have something to grab onto . the song is a real good start as far as a theme but we don't know exactly what is ging on that you need him the most. best of luck. re-writes are the key to any great song .

scotty

You are absolutely right, scotty, it has to be very specific for country. That's the most important genre requirement. It's also my biggest challenge in writing lyrics, and what takes me the most work and time to get right. Your q's are great to kick off the process, scotty. You nailed it! The who, when, where, why and what is exactly what the pro's ALWAYS start out with. Somehow that always eludes me. Thanks a bunch..

Magne,

Singer/songwriter with a Americana lean to it......a little more contrast from verse to chorus would help.......for a work in progress it's a pretty good start...

Regards,
Dick

Thanks Dick,

I'll do my best to deliver on this one! A rewrite will do it good.
It feels good to sing and play, and those things are important too