AC Ballad?

[BradGray]

Hey Zaychi,

I think you've done a great job in conveying emotion. I like the tambre and tone of your voice. The chorus is also memorable and pulls you in - nice work!

In a quick couple of listens, I did not hear a bridge section that stuck out to me. For a song that's 3:25 seconds, you should have a bridge, or a stop, or something different or the listener won't hang in there until the end of the track. To my ears it sounded like v/c/v/c/v/c, which is absolutely fine but if that's the case I would suggest ending it by around 2:30 at the latest.

The suggestions that I have, are ones that always ring though my head when I'm writing:

1) Consider shortening the piece, or develop an effective bridge to make the arrangement stronger
2) Work on developing the vocal melody more, throughout the song. The melody in the verses, in the first-half, are not as interesting in the 2nd half. I do like your chorus melody!
3) Do multiple vocal takes on each section, and comp the best pieces.
4) The John Legend reference had some layered vocal parts to "thicken up" the sound in the chorus' . Consider doing that as well, as the song develops.

Hope that helps! I quite enjoyed the track.
Brad

[Zaychi]

i think this is a great example of when NOT to sing on your own songs. your vocal makes it sound very dated. you could have written the best song in the world, and it would still sound dated. hire a demo singer!

Would you expand a bit on that, if you can? What makes it sound dated to you? Is it in the expression/articulation, or in the actual notes of the melody?

i was referring most of all to the TONE in your voice. it just reminds me of something way back when, not contemporary sounding at all. i hope i don't sound too harsh here, but do you listen to the mainstream charts at all? cause i see a lot of members getting their songs returned for not sounding contemporary, and then asking on the forum what they can do to fix it. and when i listen to their tracks i get the feeling that they haven't tuned into contemporary pop music at all, like their references are back in the 70's or 80's. remember that your competing with the top guys in the industry, those who live and breathe this style. if you don't, i don't think you can compete, at least not when it comes to writing hit songs.

Actually I started doing that about a year ago when I started using TAXI, it was one of the first advices I got here... though yeah, that probably means it hasn't engrained enough yeah. Well I'm in the second year of he five years they say it takes, so still on schedule! Yet the Adele ref song, to my ears, could have been made 20 years ago as well...

[Zaychi]

Well that's not the worst reference for a back pocket for sure! Time for some retrospection about vocals I guess...

I feel ya, man. I resisted asking anyone else to sing on my stuff for a long time, and did it for the first time just two weeks ago. I was on zoom call with the vocalist while she recorded at home, so I could listen and giver her feedback/encouragement. It was a lot of fun, and really made the song for me!

Well for me, it will probably still be a bit before I try that; will try writing different parts for my own first. This was the first song that got me the "dated voacl" (as opposed to "dated instruments"!) in here, so it may well be about the particular song. Or do you hear it in this one: https://soundcloud.com/zaychi/mercy-1 as well? I'm well aware that not hearing a particular comment before doesn't mean that it isn't a problem!

[Zaychi]

Hey Zaychi,

I think you've done a great job in conveying emotion. I like the tambre and tone of your voice. The chorus is also memorable and pulls you in - nice work!

In a quick couple of listens, I did not hear a bridge section that stuck out to me. For a song that's 3:25 seconds, you should have a bridge, or a stop, or something different or the listener won't hang in there until the end of the track. To my ears it sounded like v/c/v/c/v/c, which is absolutely fine but if that's the case I would suggest ending it by around 2:30 at the latest.

The suggestions that I have, are ones that always ring though my head when I'm writing:

1) Consider shortening the piece, or develop an effective bridge to make the arrangement stronger
2) Work on developing the vocal melody more, throughout the song. The melody in the verses, in the first-half, are not as interesting in the 2nd half. I do like your chorus melody!
3) Do multiple vocal takes on each section, and comp the best pieces.
4) The John Legend reference had some layered vocal parts to "thicken up" the sound in the chorus' . Consider doing that as well, as the song develops.

Hope that helps! I quite enjoyed the track.
Brad

1) Well the listener is always right of course, but one part WAS intended as a bridge, and also used in the intro and outtro section; so in MY mind it is b/c/v/c/b/v/c/b. But as I said the listener is always right)))

2) I'll be sure to keep that in mind... first instinct is when the progression is the same, to use the same main melody again, that's a flaw of course, but not always one that is easy to fix!

3) Actually this is the best I could do phrase-picking from five takes)))

4) There's doubling in the choruses... maybe pushed too far in the back but one of the other commenters said they were distracting as well... they sure broaden up the piece I think, even if they're not recognizable.

[melodymessiah]

yeah that's the thing. you say you started listening to contemporary stuff when you signed up with taxi. this tells me you're not GENUINELY into it. cause if you were, you would have been listening to it all your life, and not just cause you're trying to fulfill a brief. and while it's true that many of the adele songs probably could have been written long time ago, they still sound contemporary. it has modern production, and it's adele singing them, not carole king (that's right, a voice like carole king wouldn't stand a chance on the mainstream charts today). there's a difference between retro and dated.

[crashgates]

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[crashgates]

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[crashgates]

[cosmicdolphin]

I think he might be pulling your chain Big Z. Anyone that thinks King wouldn't stand a chance on the mainstream charts today is just down right acting very cheekily towards the old timers. Check out her wiki "She is the most successful female songwriter of the latter half of the 20th century in the US, having written or co-written 118 pop hits on the Billboard Hot 100" Not bad for a "retro" singer. How many people on this forum can even claim 1 hit on the Billboard Hot 100?

Not even sure who she was ...had to Google ..have heard of a few of her songs but never actively listened to or bought anything she ever made which seems to be middle of the road American type music, no thanks.

I guess it's all relative to where you live and what music you grew up with.

[BradGray]

Carol King's biggest works were in the early '60s and '70s. She was a label songwriter, hired by the label to write songs for other artists to perform. This was common practice as artists we typically the performers, and recorded songs written by the pro's like Goffin and King, Jerry Leiber & Mike Stoller, etc. (Seems like today's world). This changed when the Beatles wanted to record their own songs, but even the George Martin still wanted them to record other artists, until they could actually write hits.

I don't know too much about Carol King, but she definitely was very impactful, behind the scenes writing songs that so many had hits with, and would have had a very comfortable living with all the hits she penned....assuming that the label did not own everything she created.

Happy Friday!
B