"Alive at Last" Poke holes in it please

[nylyrics]

Hello Fellow Songwriters,

I am working on a new song - have the the music worked out real nice - but wanted to get
an un-music related issue check on the lyric if anyone would be kind enough to review and comment.
It is to be a pop song in the vein of the range of PINK to U2. Thanks in advance.

Alive at Last
© 2011 Andy Mackay

When did your life begin
Are you happy in your skin
Are you living in this moment, this very moment?
Have you tasted teardrops from the sun
Snowflakes on your tongue
Do you know the angels, all around you?

Have you exorcised your demons?
Left the romance of the past?
Do you know what you believe in?
Have you plowed your own path?

Are you ok,
Ok enough to say
I’m alive
Alive at last
Can you step out
And let love in
Say im alive
Alive at last

Have you listened in the dark
Heard the beat of anothers heart
Been so unselfish, your two bodies melted?
When you look in the reflection pool
Who’s that lookin back at you
Is the person you see, who you want to be?

Can you walk beside the sinners?
Accept your own mistakes?
Forgive your imperfections
Can you give yourself a break?

Are you ok,
Ok enough to say
I am alive
Alive at last
Can you step out
And let love in
Say im alive
Alive at last

Bridge:

And all lifes choices shape our fate
You choose to love or make love wait
And in the morning when you wake

Are you ok,
Ok enough to say
I’m alive
Alive at last
Can you step out
And let love in
Say im alive
Alive at last

Tag:

When did your life begin
Have you found true love inside
Are you alive?

[sedge]

Hi Andy, I like the ballsy call to action will the direct questions/confrontations.

I didn't get this line - "tasted teardrops from the sun".

"Left the romance of the past" - this could be possibly conflicting as it implies there is only ever romance - in the past ?
(I assume your referring to the wonder/innocence of childhood maybe?)

"plowed your own path" - didn't sit with me, (ploughed) - as in getting a field ready for crops?

"Been so unselfish, your two bodies melted" - introduced another person here ? who (I am two bodies?) ? (and then no mention again in the song) - unclear.

"When you look in the reflection pool" - this makes a noun (the reflection pool) of something we don't know about. If you need to end with Pool, maybe you could 'reflection in the pool' or similar swap around. I think you could get away with 'pool' as a known for this type of action, but 'mirror' secures it?

I like the overall subject, but it is a hard one I feel too, without being bang on and not going over the top to define what being alive is about. You might be able to safeguard this by turning all 'yous' to "I's" and see if it still works. 'You's' are great for engaging the listener I hear though, maybe even a mix up - putting you and I.

I am no expert but I am really keen on lyrics and couldn't resist to suggest a few things that I do to crit myself on .

Hope I helped.
Kind regards,
Rob

[nylyrics]

Rob:

Thanks for taking the time and for your thoughtfull and helpfull comments. I gotta laugh at the "two bodies" thing.
Your points are clear and i am working on improving these area to make them clearer.

The thing mostly is, I want to get closer to bringing out thoughts in others provoking a desire or relateability as to the states of feeling alive - and feeling good - living for today - accepting and forgiving etc.

Thanks and cheers to you!

Andy

[mikeShort]

Andy,
I pretty much agree with Rob's comments. One other thing though: "Exorcise" jumped out at me as harsh in two ways ... maybe a little tough for the song, and a nearly impossible word to sing. I had a lyric with "reemerge" in it ... exactly the right word if you're looking at the lyric on the page ... and changed the first time I heard it to "reappear." I think the same problem would happen here.
But even if you don't agree with that, is "have you exorcised your demons" something you would say to someone? I try to think of a song as a conversation between the singer and the listener, and stick to words I would actually say ... or the "character" singing the song would say. If you think that's the case, then go ahead. It's a red flag for me.

[sedge]

Mike, I agree, it was that line for me I found the most confronting that maybe prompted me to suggest the case change so it would be
"Have I exorcised my demons" - leaving the listener to take it on/relate it to themselves or not.

What would I do if someone knocked on my door and asked me have I exorcised my demons, ha, love it... only in music do we have such licence

Purely opinion too I guess? and hard to see fit without the music context, Depends on the delivery, context of the instruments hey. A howling wolf sample right after the line would ease the listener for eg. If that was the delivery etc

[nylyrics]

You guys are great. I will look at another word for excorcise. I think it sings nice with the melody and goes with the word demons but people may hear "exercise" and what is that image doing for me? I still dont know if I see an avenue of going to I vs You focus without complete re-write - wanted to engage the listener with question and not preach. Trying to speak to the listening audience like lets say the hit "firework" or if you know pinks "Glitter in the air" Glitter in the air has a strange B section where all of a sudden she is in the song? "he called me suger" to me that was out of place. I think i may re-write verse 2 alltogether and see what happens - just want images you cant forget. The teardrops from the sun is one thought which sounds clarifying and satisfying when you hear next line snowflakes on your tounge.

Andy

[Len911]

Andy, I really like the questioning verses! I like the bridge. The chorus doesn't tie into the rest of the song to me. I would suggest adding it to the bridge and make it an AABA song form instead.

[nylyrics]

Len, thanks for the suggestion. I appreciate you taking the time to read it.

Andy