All The Things You Are

[michaelzapin]

It's not the way you start to smile,
Or how, you walk into a room.

It's not the way you shine your hair,
Or the scent of your perfume.

It's not your sense of style,
It's besides the pretty colors of your dress,

It's not the seasons in your eyes,
That hide, some thoughts you don't confess.


It's not the way you fall asleep, at night,
Or the sweetness of your breath,

It's not the rainbows and the stars,
That sign, your name.


It's all of the things you are,
What other people say only get me so far,
And I love the way you are every day ~~~

And I love the way we go walking on air,
We never get too high, but we're getting somewhere,
It's all of these things, it means every thing, to me.

[Susanstunes]

Hi Michael,
I think it is wonderful! Good imagery and rhyming scheme. Have you set it to music yet? Susan

[mikemichnya]

Hey Michael,

The idea's been done before, but your imagery is strong enough to make it work. I wasn't sure if you even have a chorus or if it was the first three line section, the second three line section or both of them together. I have a quibble about a word or two hear and that, but those three line bits are the weakest sections, IMHO.

I think, structurally, it might work better if you have a chorus and get to it sooner:

It's not the way you start to smile,
Or how you walk into a room.
It's not the way you (do) your hair, (shine your hair? is that a thing? or did you mean "your hair shines"?)
Or the scent of your perfume.

It's not your sense of style,
It's (more than) the pretty colors of your dress,
It's not the seasons in your eyes,
That hide, some thoughts you don't confess. (this line felt awkward; something like 'that hide secrets you don't confess'?)

It's all of the things you are,
What other people say only get me so far, (I don't get this line)
And I love the way you are every day (this line didn't have much impact for me, and it's more verse than chorus)
And I love the way we go walking on air, (this is also more verse than chorus, and the song is about her - stay there)
We never get too high, but we're getting somewhere,
It's all of these things, it means every thing, to me.

It's not the way you fall asleep at night,
Or the sweetness of your breath, (I guess this is a positive, but maybe something else could be sweet...)
It's not the rainbows and the stars,
That sign, your name. (Ok, the other 'verses' had an XAXA rhyme scheme. This is XXXX - and it's probably easier to rhyme 'name' than 'breath', so I'd look for a family rhyme for 'name' that can be 'sweet'.)

Repeat chorus... etc.

(BTW, I wonder if you considered a chorus that repeats the hook more. Something like:
All the things you are
are heaven to me
All the things you are
keep me walking on air
I love All the things you are
more than any one part
I love All the thing you are...)

Alternatively, you could make it an AABA format (this might work if you don't already have a melody locked in):

It's not the way you start to smile,
Or how you walk into a room.
It's not the way you (do) your hair, (shine your hair? is that a thing? or did you mean "your hair shines"?)
Or the scent of your perfume.
It's all of the things you are

It's not your sense of style,
It's more than the pretty colors of your dress,
It's not the seasons in your eyes,
That hide, some thoughts you don't confess. (this line felt awkward; something like 'that hide secrets you don't confess'?)
It's all of the things you are

And I love the way you (we?) are every day
And I love the way we go walking on air
We never get too high, but we're getting somewhere,
It's all of these things, it means every thing, to me.

It's not the way you fall asleep at night,
Or the sweet (things you say)
It's not the rainbows and the stars,
That sign your name.
It's all of the things you are


My 2 cents, FWIW. Hope it helps! I'll be curious to hear how it turns out when you put a melody to it. Good luck w/it!

[adessell]

I love the suggestions posted. I think this song could really work