Americana - You Are My Sunshine Reference - Feedback Desired

[johnnyrowing]

Hello Everyone,
Peter Rahill (funsongs) and I have been working on a track for listing TAXI # S231208YM. We have made 2 versions: one with me singing and another with Peter singing. We are hoping to get some fresh ears and wisdom from folks on the board. Any thoughts or feedback for us?

https://www.taxi.com/members/Ef77nz5GSm ... -co-write- Johnny Singing

https://www.taxi.com/members/Ef77nz5GSm ... -co-write- Peter Singing


Here is the listing link - https://www.taxi.com/industry#listing-S231208YM


Here are the lyrics

Hi, Adeline, I’ve got to say you’re lookin’ fine
‘N I got plans to make you mine - I got good times on my mind
Adeline

Yea, I’m lookin’ for a love that do
Say I do then she do too
She Do?



Wait, Sadie May, I got somethin’ left to say,
‘N I bought stones for our pathway that’a keep the dirt and mud away
Sadie May

Yea, I’m lookin’ for a love that do
Say I do then she do too
She Do?



Hey, Elizabeth, I think you’ll find I dance the best
Yea, I’ve been practicin’ my steps ‘nd I ain’t twisted ankles yet
Elizabeth

Yea, I’m lookin’ for a love that do
Say I do then she do too
She Do?



Well Howdy do, Betty Lou, you know there ain’t been none as good as you,
And I know you got that feeling too, let’s get to Church and say “Woo hoo!”
Betty Lou

You know I’m lookin’ for a love that do
Say I do then she do too
She Do!

Adeline, Sadie May, Elizabeth they ran away
But Betty Lou said I do
Adeline, Sadie May, Elizabeth they ran away
But Betty Lou said I do

Yea, I went lookin’ for a love that do
Say I do then she do too
And she do

[funsongs]

Hello Everyone,

Pardon my chime-in:
Gotta state publicly a HUGE THANKS
and shout-out to Johnny for inviting me in on this project.
Great FUN!
...okay... roll on.
https://www.taxi.com/members/Ef77nz5GSm ... -co-write- Johnny Singing

https://www.taxi.com/members/Ef77nz5GSm ... -co-write- Peter Singing

[deantaylor]

I like the song.

On first listen I was gonna say it didn't sound "emotionally upbeat" enough, but then I listened to the ref track and you are in the ballpark.

I think Peter's vocal might be a bit more 'upbeat' but Johnny's vocal is more 'old-timey' sounding.

I noted some sibilance in Peter's vocal.

Listing prefers lyrics that don't reference specific names. You do that, but idk, I wouldn't try to change it.

[deantaylor]

PS I've actually had some nice vocal sync placements with songs that have people's names in them. It's not a death sentence, imo. And I think the way you've used the names in the first 3/4 of the song is just fine. They mainly give the song a "southern" flavor.

The ending section where you use all the names, that may be a tougher sell for sync, but it's at the end so the client has prolly already decided on the song by then.

[funsongs]

Just a big, last-minute
FRIDAY BUMP...

for Johnny Rowing:
We are hoping to get some fresh ears and wisdom from folks on the board. Any thoughts or feedback for us?

[feaker66]

Hi guys. The vibe is there for sure. Not gonna pick the best vox, that gets way too personal. Lost many friends that way. The break between vs 1 an2 could be shortened at 56. The song is a little long at 4 min anyway.I find myself waiting to hear more of the story in that section. I keep reading the chorus over and over. I think that wording is a little awkward.

As read, you jump right into marriage ha ha. Maybe they were dating for a while and it was time to pounce??

Not sure about the stones and mud?

I guess as a first read, I was hoping for a twist or surprise along the way. The ref track sure doesn't have I know

One would have to ask the question is a not terribly positive review better than a no review?

The best to both of you
Sincerely Paul

[XrashGates]

.

[funsongs]

The song is a little long at 4 min anyway.

Hey, Paul.
Thanks for the detailed feedback.
All of that was intentional - to match as closely as possible to the ref track that has been 'temporarily placed' into the segment where this song is to fit.

So, it's one of those 'give the client what he's asking for' things - whether it suits your own taste & 'tolerance'.
It's about giving THEM what they want.
(Personally, I like songs that are shorter, too: 2:15 - 3:30...).
Your mileage may vary.

[funsongs]

"Thank you" to those who took time to listen and respond.

[johnnyrowing]

Peter,
Thank you for your hard work and investment in the track. It was a joy to put a collab in the books with you. Your attention to detail really helped me to get this mix together. Thanks for your wisdom and encouragement along the way too.

I tried to revise this morning to hunt a bit more thoroughly for those occasional lip smacks in your version of the vocals. I got the ones I heard and that I had the skills to edit out or diminish.

Here's to hope my brother.


Feaker66
Thanks for your feedback. A not too positive review is better than no review at all. I appreciate this board and the manner in which we strive to support each other.

I'll come back and post the feedback from the Screener/Listener, once it arrives.

I am going to submit this by the end of the day.

All my best,
Johnny