Appreciate feedback!

[SweetAuburnBluesBand]

Hi All,

We're working on a new song "Feel Your Pain" and would appreciate your feedback (we're in the process of re-recording vocals).
Looking for constructive suggestions to help make this song marketable for TAXI POP/EDM; for example, are the lyrics too ______?
Is this a good POP mix?, etc

https://soundcloud.com/sweetauburnblues ... reliminary

thanks
Jeff

FEEL YOUR PAIN 116BPM

SLOW INTRO:
Try to forget her and you will get better
Pretend you never met her and time will heal your pain
COME ON!

VERSE 1
baby im so sorry that you're feelin down again
you know Ill always be there tryin hard to be your friend
my best advice for you is to forget her, move along
she was never right for you, 'cause she was wrong wrong wrong

PRE-CHORUS:
Hurts Hurts Hurts - I know it Hurts So Bad
B B B B B Baby - it Hurts So Bad
Hurts Hurts Hurts - I know it Hurts So Bad
nothing's ever quite as sad as good lovin goin bad

CHORUS
I can feel your pain, baby here it comes again
emanating from your soul and spreading to your brain
I can feel your pain, yeah, I can feel your pain
forget her face forget her smile before you go insane

VERSE 2
I can give you empathy, yes I can be the friend you need
I can help you find a girl with many similarities
but you need to get up, get your act together, cleanup, brother
or you'll never see the many possibilities

PRE-CHORUS:
Hurts Hurts Hurts - I know it Hurts So Bad
B B B B B Baby - it Hurts So Bad
Hurts Hurts Hurts - I know it Hurts So Bad
nothing's ever quite as sad as a good love gone bad

CHORUS
I can feel your pain, honey I can feel your pain
starting deep inside your soul and spreading to your brain
I can feel your pain, baby, I can feel your pain
forget her face forget her smile or she'll drive you insane


BRIDGE
Hurts Hurts Hurts - I know it Hurts So Bad
Hurts Hurts Hurts - I know it Hurts So Bad
Hurts Hurts Hurts - I know it Hurts So Bad
Hurts Hurts Hurts - I know it Hurts So Bad


VERSE 3
honey pick yourself up off the floor and try again
a thousand girls out there would love to be more than your friend
i know that you can do it baby, what else do you need
is commiseration necessary for you to succeed


CHORUS
I can feel your pain, baby here it comes again
starting deep inside your soul and spreading to your brain
I can feel your pain, yeah, I can feel your pain
forget her face forget her smile or she'll drive you insane
I can feel your pain, honey I can feel your pain
emanating from your soul and spreading to your brain
I can feel your pain, yeah, I can feel your pain
forget her face forget her smile or she'll drive you INSAAANE!

[Joseph]

I'm not a big EDM fan, so this should be taken lightly. I think it's a good track in terms of sounding like other dance and pop tunes. Something with the vocals was bothering me and I couldn't put my finger on it, but you said you are redoing them so I guess that it's moot. Maybe it gets a little wordy in the pre-chorus (nothing's ever quite as sad as good lovin goin bad). Again, I'm very new to the industry so I still don't know what works best. I did like the build from the bridge and the ending vocals (3:06) where I believe you layered two similar takes. Nice touch. Best of luck!

-Joseph

[SweetAuburnBluesBand]

Thanks for your input Joseph!

we got some good suggestions from fluence too and re-arranged the bridge/choruses

Jeff

[Carlsonscott]

Hi Jeff! Very cool track. I agree with the vocal..somethings up with the EQ maybe? Maybe raise the shelf a bit to give it more air? I also don't follow EDM so no sure how helpful this will be, but maybe create some more space in the lyrics. Seems a little wordy in the verse which distracts from the beat a bit...

[nick.moxsom]

Hey, Jeff,

It's a tough call for an amateur like me to put my finger on what is right and not right about a track, but I'll try as a listener...

I think your kit is definitely in the ball park, and the pulsing synth kinda works, although the regularity of the pulse gives the game away, imho. Its roots are in dubstep, and you need to ride the LFO's or something. As always, it's mostly about studying the genre to the point where current trends become embedded in the brain.

Again, only in my opinion... I agree that you could strip the lyric back and leave more space. It's too full-on and there's no space to breathe. You could probably halve the number of words and have something more powerful. And I don't think the harmony is helping the melody stand out – rather, it seems to detract from it. I dunno how many melody options you tried here, but what I sometimes do is leave the loop playing and throw down as many variations as I can think of, then leave it to simmer for a day or two. Sure enough, one will pop to the surface as the winner.

But most importantly (and please don't bite me, this is only my spin on it), I think this is the wrong singer for the song, at least in this form. Her tonal quality is not convincing. Maybe it's an EQ choice too – it's all very present and close up. This may or may not work as a template – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=93ASUImTedo – since it was pretty huge last year.

Hope I don't sound pompous. Just my thoughts, so feel free to ignore them. Pursue it; though, it's worth it.

Sincerely,
Nick

[bobporri]

Just a few surface thoughts here. Vocals are a bit too up front. I wanted to here a stronger drum track, and that might simply be volume/EQ. Good song overall I think.

Bob P.

[SweetAuburnBluesBand]

Thanks for the suggestions! Nick/Joseph, we re-recorded the vocals with a new singer and added a middle-break to give the song a chance to breathe.

https://soundcloud.com/sweetauburnblues ... rts-so-bad

Carlson/Bob, we bumped-up the shelf to get better drums/vocals - if anyone has any feedback (good or bad) on the updated song/mix/arrangement we'd appreciate it

thanks again
Jeff