Asian Percussion Cue return (S151125AP) feedback please

[marked]

Screener 325 states that Style is "On target for this listing" and Sound Quality "well recorded", yet got returned anyway:
"The arrangement was a little too sparse and open. The track didn't flow well and lacked the authentic Asian flair needed for this project."

https://soundcloud.com/dobroth/shanghai-stroll
(If the above link doesn't work, "Shanghai Stroll" is on my TAXI page.)

I guess being "On target" doesn't necessarily mean "Bull's Eye". I can see where the arrangement could have been less sparse, but my thinking was to keep it simple enough so that it wouldn't compete with voice-over dialog. As for the authenticity of the Asian flair, I'm not sure if the screener is referring to the quality of the samples used, or the melodic motifs and rhythms.

Comments and feedback are welcomed and appreciated.
Thanks.
Mark

ASIAN PERCUSSION INSTRUMENTAL CUES with a "Simple" Melody are needed by a busy Boutique Music Licensing Company that's feeding music directly to a travel-based TV Show. Give them well-crafted Instrumental Cues that could be heard in Shows like Bizarre Foods, Booze Traveler, Anthony Bourdain: Parts Unknown, etc., etc., etc. Give them relatively simple Cues that use a combination of ethnic Asian Percussion (from any region), with a simple melody that makes you feel like you're right there in whatever Asian city they happen to be visiting. Build your Cue around a simple melodic motif, while adding and subtracting various elements as it progresses to keep your Cue interesting, somewhat dynamic and not overly repetitive sounding. All submissions should be at least 2 minutes long. Easy edit points are needed, and button/stinger endings are highly encouraged. Broadcast Quality is needed (great sounding home recordings are fine). This Company offers an EXCLUSIVE agreement with a 50/50 split. The specific terms of this agreement will be determined directly between you and the Library. You must own or control your Master and Composition rights to pitch for this. Because this is an Exclusive deal, please submit music for this pitch that is not already signed to any other Libraries or Publishers. Broadcast Quality is needed (great sounding home recordings are fine). Please submit one to three Instrumental Cues online or per CD. All submissions will be screened and critiqued by TAXI and must be received no later than 11:59PM (PDT), on Wednesday, November 25, 2015. TAXI #S151125AP

[cassmcentee]

Hey Mark
Nice tune!
Here's my take... lose the first 30 seconds, not fluid till then.
As I was listening, the overall vibe was established within 10 to 15 seconds
...so I fast forwarded towards the ending and it still felt the same
My guess would be to work up some changes and a build
Could possibly use a little more reverb on one of the instruments to carry over and give a little more room tone???
Just guessing, but that's my take on it... 2cents
Cass

[marked]

Hey Cass, I take your point on feeling and sounding the same at the end as the beginning. It's not easy finding that balance between keeping the vibe/mood going and building on a theme to keep it interesting. I've been criticized in other listings as sometimes having too much change, so I may have held back a little too much this time.

Thanks for you input Cass.

Mark

[Paulie]

Definitely an Asian feel. I would cut the intro, it did not provide a strong start, IMHO. The woodblock jumps out to me as well, it is a little hot in my ears, it kept startling me even though I kew it was coming. Melodically it could use some variation over time to make the sections sound more unique. Good track though, definitely reusable with some tweaks.

[marked]

Thanks Paul. All good points. Tweaking is what I do a lot of these days!

Mark

[hummingbird]

I feel there is definitely an Asian feel here, but agree that more development would assist the track in making the grade. I don't hear a problem with the actual samples.

[marked]

Thanks Vikki. I guess it's back to the DAW'ing board for me.
Mark