Baby i loved you.

[urbangirlone]

I have this on another board and got some pretty good reviews, please let me know what you think.....Baby I loved you...I saw you lying on the bed,when i walked in the door,i dont even remember ,what we were fightin forYou looked at me with your deep blue eyes,touched my face, made me realize.....chorusBaby i loved you,everything about you,holdin you close, holdin on tight,makein love with you all night,wishing we could be,what we were before,fire in your touch,and a whole lot more...baby i loved you.....end chorusin the morning you were gone,your note said we were through,you left me there, inside our home,not knowin what to do,I gave you my worldand ya tore it apart,now im movin on, babyi need a brand new start, cause,chorusbaby i loved you,everything about you ,holdin' you close,holdin' on tight,makein' love with you all night,wishing we could be,as we were before,fire in your touch,and a whole lot more...baby i loved you.....baby i loved you.....baby,baby, l loved you.... end chorus©2005 Nancy Lobello

[horacejesse]

Nancy,Those are pretty decent lyrics in my opinion. But it is soooooo unfair really to judge lyrics without the music. Everytime I think about posting some of mine I start thinking, "How is the reader supposed to know that one of these short lines eats an entire progression and is not quick at all?"I am a fan of short, dynamic lines in songs. You seem to adhere well to that philosophy. Not many words wasted and you do not try to say too much in one song, a mistake that I and others still sometimes make. With the right music you could probably have a good song here.

[horacejesse]

After reading a few more times I still like what you have. It doesn't feel complete as a read but it could feel complete as a song. With a slow song if you have a great chorus, that eats up a lot of time on the end.In some songs you try to set something up and then use the power of the chorus to pull the drawstrings of the emotions. I mean I hear a lot of that in commercial music. This song seems like that kind to me. The lyrics are brief and not emotionally messy. The second verse is longer than the first. Irregularity could work to your advantage by using the addtional lyrics to introduce new music which segues (how do you spell that?) into the final big chorus. But that was probably your idea in the first place.Irregularity of line length and cadence from verse to verse can mean customizing each line musically. That is normally not my way of writing lyrics.

[mikehelms]

Hey girl not bad!!! the lyrics are fine... i agree with your other poster that for pop and the like it runs well.. quick direct..But best of all this is as close to slap it to music I've seen from you yet!!! 4/4 tempo... two or three chord changes could be applied very easy... meter is very important to the phrasing when your applying it to music.. good job!!Now at the end of the song could you add for me!!!!BUY NOT ANY MORE!!!! and do it like you were in a chorus line on broadway! Michael

[urbangirlone]

Thank you guys for all your help on this one, i am working with someone from the board, to see if i can get this put to music, mike you are just to darn funny.......chorus line? I dont think i can get my leg up that high........LOL At this point i have no idea what style my music is, i sometimes have the tune in my head when i write but, since it usually stays in my head i guess the style would be best left up to the musicians and singers.....hopefully this thing will take off, so many have said this was my best yet, just wasnt sure if that meant it was good enough........

[mikehelms]

I'd say pretty much everybody's tryin to get a leg up Somehow I'd been employing a Crane OperatorDude Quit!!! Said the feasibility of lifting something of that size wasn't mathematical possible... He said I ain't Einstein Man!!! Michael

[urbangirlone]

mike your in the wrong business you should have been a comedian........

[mikehelms]

No I just apply it to the Music.. please see and hear 'Parley Love' on the Lyric lovers Post as an Example... Michael

[Casey H]

Hi Urban GirlI also sometimes find it harder to review lyrics without music because sometimes what doesn't read well sounds great in song and vice-versa.You've done a nice job here with verses that set up a chorus that centers on the title/hook line. The place where this needs improvement is regarding overused/cliche lines. You' ve got quite a few in this song and (assuming you want to pitch the song to artists) my guess is most reviewers would reject it because of that issue. The trick here is to go back and figure out ways to say what you are saying with some uniqueness. Deep blue eyes, holding you tight/making love all night, gave you my world/tore it apart, movin on/brand new start, for example, are way overused lines.This doesn't mean songs can't be successful with some cliche lines. Sometimes great music can carry those lines through. But, 99.9% of the time, a new songwriter cannot present this. You will hit that wall with TAXI or music publishers you might pitch to on your own.So, I'd take a deep breath, keep some of the good ideas you have here, and start re-writing. I hope I helped! Casey

[urbangirlone]

Thanks casey, trying to rework the lyrics to fit the music, not as easy as one might think.....but i appreciate everyones comments.....