can you tell me what is wrong?

[Edenrayne]

Hello,
this is the Feedback I received for this song here that I submitted to the listing https://www.taxi.com/listings/S221127DK,
so here is the song:
https://www.taxi.com/my/artist/songs/H3 ... sappearing


Here the feedback I received:
I think you could improve this song by:
I could hear a cut down to streamline the structure ever so slightly along with more modern alt rock sensibilities for this request. Compare with "The Lighthouse" by Halsey for review.
-------------------------------------
English is not my first language, so could someone explain me what "hear a cut down to streamline the structure ever so slightly", I just don't understand at all the meaning of this sentence, even after trying to translate it on google translator.
Thanks a lot!

[hummingbird]

Just an added note if you are using Soundcloud make your track(s) private and share the private link here.

That feedback is a little confusing to me as well.

[Edenrayne]

thanks a lot for your replies,
Here is the link again from Taxi, this time I copied the track from the link icon, hope it works, if not I will add the song on soundcloud:
https://www.taxi.com/members/gql8-0OUSz ... sappearing

Here I copied/pasted the listing :
S221127DK
Genre: Pop

Closes At: Nov 27, 2022 11:59PM PST

Lots of DARK, MOODY ALT-POP/ROCK SONGS with Female Vocals are needed by a hard-working Music Library with international distribution that's landing thousands of cool placements in TV shows around the globe.

NOTE: We previously ran a similar request as TAXI Listing #S221009GY, but the Company needs MORE material, so they asked us to try again. If you submitted to listing #S221009GY, please send different material this time around.

This Library is on the hunt for Down-to-Mid-Tempo Songs with Female Vocals that could be heard on a playlist with the following references we got directly from them:

WARNING: The references may contain graphic and explicit lyrics. Listener discretion is advised.

"The Lighthouse" by Halsey

"That's Where I Am" by Maggie Rogers

"Spitting Off the Edge of the World" by Yeah Yeah Yeahs feat. Perfume Genius

Quoting the Library: "We need a variety of lyrical content including the following themes: keeping secrets, deceiving, conflict within. And on the other side of the spectrum: empowerment, coming out of one's shell, believing in oneself, confidence, and defending oneself."

Send them top-notch Alt-Pop/Rock Songs that exude a dark, edgy, and moody vibe and feel. Engaging melodies, memorable hooks, well-crafted lyrics centered around the themes mentioned above, and raw, unapologetic, well-performed Female vocals are all needed for this request. Your arrangements should feature gritty instrumentation and be generally competitive with the references and others like them – think heavily distorted guitars, drums, etc. Your production and any virtual instruments or samples you use need to be high-quality and modern, as well.

[AlanHall]

Here the feedback I received:
I think you could improve this song by:
I could hear a cut down to streamline the structure ever so slightly along with more modern alt rock sensibilities for this request.

I think "I could hear a cut down to streamline the structure ever so slightly" refers to the length of the song. At over 4 1/2 minutes, it's a bit long. And the last minute and so sounds to my ears like an unrelated piece of music tacked onto the end of the song. Was that intentional?

I think "more modern alt rock sensibilities" may refer to the sounds used. Again, to my ears the song sounds more 'electro/EDM' than pop/rock.

Please take my comments as being humbly submitted. I think the song overall is good, gave me a kind of 4AD label vibe. Definitely "alt", but maybe not what the screener was looking for?

[Edenrayne]

Ok thank you very much for the reply
Yes the last part of the song was intentional, I just did that song a long time ago, but I agree it might not be really radio friendly or fitting well with the song, it is just in the moment when I did it I thought it was a nice conclusion on the concept of "Disappearing" which is the title of the song, but it's hard to explain with words.

[Edenrayne]

. At over 4 1/2 minutes, it's a bit long.

Could you tell me what moment precisely ? because it seems you are referring to the last part of the song? or did you make a mistake and wanted to talk about the chorus part?
I feel that the chorus might not be strong enough, Because there is a long pause between each sentence...But I am not sure I feel it right.

[AlanHall]

. At over 4 1/2 minutes, it's a bit long.

Could you tell me what moment precisely ? because it seems you are referring to the last part of the song? or did you make a mistake and wanted to talk about the chorus part?
I feel that the chorus might not be strong enough, Because there is a long pause between each sentence...But I am not sure I feel it right.

Right about 3:15 the music shifts, to my ears at least, and the final minute-something doesn't seem to be an integral part of the piece. That's what I'm hearing.