Care to critique my country demo?

pesmitty · Post by **pesmitty** » Thu Jan 03, 2008 7:20 pm

(edit) Just joined TAXI! Can someone explain what a "high bar" listing is?To give you a little more info about me, my step-dad (who basically raised me) was raised in Texas and moved to california to make it as a singer/songwriter. He never made it, but he taught me and my brother a few chords on the piano and guitar. I have played around with those chords for years. Never really finished a song, though (maybe one or two along the way that I have lost). Several of my friends were going through divorces in the last year (I have been married for ten years and we are happy, thankfully) and I would sit at my piano after getting off of the phone with one. These two songs were a result of those conversations and literally were written after hanging up the phone. So, they are personal, but not personal at the same time. I am sure many here can relate to writing this way.

aubreyz · Post by **aubreyz** » Thu Jan 03, 2008 7:27 pm

Perry,A high bar listing is where they are only looking for the best of the best-- and the country high bar is often particularly high.Get your hands on some songwriting books (if you haven't already)... get some Taxi critiques ... IMHO you've got goods that won't take a whole lot of polish.Aub

matto · Post by **matto** » Thu Jan 03, 2008 7:38 pm

Perry,I think your second song is by far better than the first, both musically and lyrically. Excellent lines in there, particularly the verse and bridge are lyrically tight.The chorus is a bit of a let down for me, it does not knock me out musically, I would like more of a meodic lift. Lyrically it's the most generic part of your lyric, and just a bit too ordinary.It doesn't contain that emotional payoff, that WOW I wish *I* had come up with this idea feeling that the top country songs give me.The first song didn't really wow me ; I liked to opening few lines...but then it just goes to the theme of the other guy way to fast for my taste and all the story line interest is lost. I think you could've mapped out this lyric a lot better and taken us on more of an emotional journey.I also think the concept of the song is too generic. Yes it's a situation everybody can relate to but it is not really told in a unique and fresh way. That's something that's very important to the Nashville market, you need that unique angle.I did like the idea of "it's not too late", but then I would've liked to see a turn around where the guy resolves to do something...even if just a symbolic gesture or something.I agree that the demos are top notch in every way, singing, playing, the arrangements, the production...it's all excellent.This will HELP sell the songs but IMHO the songs themselves could be stronger, especially "Is It Too Late".I hope this is not too much of a let down after the initial raves, but IMHO this is how Taxi's screeners, and beyond them the Nashville publishers and other songfolk will be scrutinizing and disecting your material.So consider this your heads up I think you definitely have a gem in the making in "Dream Another Dream" if you can somehow lift the chorus to a higher level, both musically and lyrically. There are some killer lines in that.So best of luck to you, keep working on your craft, you definitely have some real talent there.matto

pesmitty · Post by **pesmitty** » Thu Jan 03, 2008 7:44 pm

Thanks a ton, matto. This is precisely the reason I left the comfort of the opinons of my friends and family and came here. I will conisder everything you siad and see what I can do to improve the songs. Interesting, though, that you think Dream is so much better than Is It Too Late, as the general response so far has been greater for Is It Too Late. But Aub and you have me thinking that I might put more effort into Dream and see what happens. Keep the honesty coming, folks. I think that is what people truly want, even if they sort of don't

heinsite · Post by **heinsite** » Sat Jan 05, 2008 1:25 pm

hi perry, i never do this, but coulnd't resist the listen--very nice vibe, very nice everything actually, however from my experience (and i'll attach one of my country tunes...) taxi screeners would probably say the biggest fault might be that you are not being specific enough as to WHY the breakup. but that's just my opinion, after being turned down a million times... , but again, very nice demo. i hire for my country a firm out of nashville, and i like that they stay true to my tunes, but add that c/w sound, and the more authentic vox as well. anyway, good luck, again, i really like the tune, except for what i think might be the only problem...heinsite (warren)i'm going to give you my site on taxi, and click "Second Chance" or "I Still Miss Her Kiss" for what i'm trying to get passed the screeners, or even "Way"...http://taximusic.com/heinsiteps; sorry, wrong site map, try http://taxi.com/heinsite

pesmitty · Post by **pesmitty** » Sat Jan 05, 2008 1:47 pm

Heinsite,Thanks. It's nice to get a heads up on what I might expect frm the screeners. I just joined and submitted my songs to a couple of listings. We will see what they have to say.I listened to both of your songs. Note that I am a huge music fan and a nw writer, so consider that in what I have to say. Is it me or does the singer on your "...kiss" song sound like Roy Orbison. I like the song and I see that you have that "lift" thing down with the chorus. But the song does sound a little dated to me and I think that might simply be the production. The production also does not seem to make the song flow as smoothly as I imagine you probably play it. You definitely go deeper with the lyrics than I do. Maybe I will dig a little deeper as I continue to work on it.I listened to second chance, also. I like that song better. It seems to run a bit more smoothly and I like the lyrics. Again, though, it sounds a little dated to me. I think I just have trouble hearing songs that are done on a lower productions scale than radio because I have not listened to a lot of "demos."Thanks for your comments and best to you. I think I will go listen to some of your other tunes.Perry

arkjack · Post by **arkjack** » Sat Jan 05, 2008 1:54 pm

Yeah those vocals are really great, as is the songwriting. If I was in a blind test I would guess it was Alan Jackson or Garth Brooks as both the singer and the writer.... its that good!

pesmitty · Post by **pesmitty** » Sat Jan 05, 2008 2:09 pm

Wow. Thanks ark! I have passed all of the kind thoughts about the voice and production on to the studio. You all were so impressed with those aspects, I thought they should know that a bunch of experienced folks thought so much of it. Best,Perry

johnnydean1 · Post by **johnnydean1** » Sat Jan 05, 2008 2:10 pm

Quote:www.myspace.com/perrysmithmusicSong starts automatically ("Is It Too Late")I would love to return the favor, so provide a link for me if you would like a critique from a music fan's perspective (I am no expert). Thanks all,PerryRe: Care to critique my country demo?No,but thanks for asking!

pesmitty · Post by **pesmitty** » Sat Jan 05, 2008 2:13 pm

No worries. Anytime.