Come to Me (singer/songwriter)

[RonKujawa]

I did a guitar/vocal demo for my new song Come to Me. Looking to see how my lyrics and phrasing are working. I tried very hard to incorporate much of what I learned at the rally on this one.

Thanks in advance!

Ron

11-26-12: lyrics updated, soundcloud link updated with new recording

http://snd.sc/QiBjgE
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Come to Me ©2012 Ron Kujawa

V1
When your thoughts are getting heavy
And you feel like giving in
When your faith is worn and fading
And your resolve is paper thin
Come to Me

V2
When your body is cold and tired
And you're not strong enough to fight
When everything unravels
And you can't find a place to hide
Come to Me
Come to Me

Bridge
Come to Me
I'll be the rock that you can stand on
Never again will you be alone
We can weather any storm
We'll ride it out until the last black cloud above us blows away

V3
When your heart is all but empty
And there's nothing left inside
When you need someone to hold you
You'll be safe with me tonight
Come to Me

[Robtoons]

This is nice Ron!
I cant help wanting to hear it go to a G chord at the repeated "come to me" line.
Just seems like a long time to stay on the 2 chord groove 'till you get to the bridge.
But it depends on the production- sometimes songs with few chords work as the interest
can be brought in with other elements, especially in songs like this that really don't have a chorus.
Nice "universal lyric" hat you are sporting since the rally, (so bummed I missed it).
Good song, I'll be interested to hear how you produce it.
-Rob

[oakman]

Nice writing Ron. TV/film stuff for sure. I can hear some vocal harmony in there.

Mark

[RonKujawa]

Thanks, guys! Yes, this is aimed at film/TV. I should have stated that. I also think it works pretty well on its own. I'll play around with making the chords different on the refrain, but I'm pretty partial at the moment to the hypnotic vibe of staying on those two chords.

Ron

[RobertCanary]

I liked it Ron. I think it flows great, and it has that TV sound perfect. I liked the show "smallville" and this would have been great in one of those Lana-Clark scenes. Great job

Rob

[nylyrics]

Hi Ron:

I like this. Very universal. I think it can be much better wtih a re-write on the bridge. Lyrically the bridge is kind of
the same as the verses. The grey sky thing is like out of place for what you have going in the rest which sounds more fresh.
In the bridge after come to me - say something else not more of the same. Depart in several ways.

Nice work and good luck.

Andy

[DonnaMarilyn]

This is lovely, Ron, and easy to imagine in a film/tv setting. I'm with Andy, though in that the first part of the lyrical bridge sounds like the start of another verse. I'd suggest rethinking the first 3 lines (or at least lines 2 & 3, if you want to keep 'Come with me' in the bridge), making them positive and uplfiting in the same vein as lines 4 & 5. Lyrically, I'd like the bridge to soar.

Donna

[nick.moxsom]

Hey, Ron

Lest I get a reputation as Mr Negative, I hope I'm wrong here, but my own experience of screeners' comments on my stuff suggests they might find some of the lyric a little clichéd. They bang on quite a lot about new ways to express common themes, and I think a few word tweaks might increase your chances with this one.

Please don't see this as a bubble-burster. I like it as it is, but I'm just saying it might be worth considering.

Best of luck,
Nick

[RonKujawa]

Thank you for those suggestions, everyone. Nick, not bursting my bubble at all. I want to make this as good as I possibly can. I'll try a rewrite of that bridge first.

Ron

[thesongriders]

Hey Ron,

Nice tune. I definitely can see this as a song playing in the background of a TV show, so great work!

Lyrics are universal - the line that says "your resolve is paper thin" really stuck out to me in a good way. I really like that one. The vocal is really good too.


My only real criticism is that I think you could write a better bridge - similar to what Donna was saying. I just felt that it was too similar to the verse, and maybe you could aim for more contrast. I think you start singing most lines in the verse on the "2 and" portion of the beat and the bridge starts on the "3 and", but it feels too much like the verse to me. I'd start singing it sooner, maybe right on beat 1 or even before that, and maybe sing it higher too.

Nice song though, and I'm not an expert but I definitley could see this getting placed.

Mike