Could I get feedback on this lyric?

Songwriting, songwriters, etc

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paula
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Re: Could I get feedback on this lyric?

Post by paula » Sat Aug 08, 2020 2:58 pm

I like where you are going with this. I do find it a bit wordy and slow to get to the heart of the matter. I'd focus on the images then go for the emotion right out of the gate to set up a chorus with a strong hook. I don't think time flying is quite right, because you really wish the lockdown stuff was over. I'd go for something about what's the first thing you're gonna do when you're truly free again...if it ties in with "done needing space" it could work in several different ways as it applies to social distancing, etc.

Maybe:
Empty streets and empty bars
This world is so bizarre
Kissing you on the phone
When I'm sitting all alone
Wishing you were here with me
Missing how things used to be

Hope this was helpful :)

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