Country/Pop FWD - but room for improvement

[ckbarlow]

Hey, good forum folks. I'm thrilled to say that just yesterday I got a forward on a country/pop crossover listing, S080422COHere's my question - the scores were all 7s and 8s. Now, the engineering, arranging, production 7s, heck yeah, I'll take those. It was a simple guitar & vocal demo and the screener even said great stuff about "this goes to show you don't need a fancy demo if it's a good song." I'm sure a lot of TAXI members would be happy to hear that.What I'm wondering about are the things that the demo *did* intend to show: Music, Lyrics and Marketability. Those were all 8s, but all the comments are positive -- meaning, no clue for me about getting from 8 to 9 or 10, and I'd sure love that advice given the highly competitive nature of the country market.Again, I feel like I should apologize for taking space in this topic when, after all, the song was forwarded -- which is so, so great -- but I want to keep improving. I want every song to be better than the last, and I won't hesitate to revise this one given some guidance.The song is:You Get MeListener ID # 180If the answer is "pay the $10 for a custom," OK, fair enough! Thanks in advance for any advice and thanks for that boost that every forward provides.CK

[jeffabbey]

Okay CK, you critiqued me so now it’s time for me to critique you.I listened to this song just once before I started writing this critique. Not only is the hook still in my head, but the rest of the melody of the song is there as well. That’s song writing.You definitely know what you are doing. I hope that you’ll always come back to critique my stuff because I know that if I can get it past you that I have a better chance of getting it past a TAXI screener.However, just because I am complimenting you, never ever give me a critique out of kindness. Always rip it apart. You can hurt my feelings. I’m 55 years old and way past that stage in life.Jeff

[heinsite]

damn good ma'am# 180 has ripped me, almost loved me, has critiqued me in 3 contradictory ways, bottom line is he/she has NEVER forwarded me, and he/she has listened to my best, scores of times... CONGRATULATIONS, i like your tune, has all the elements, and you were forwarded by in my mind's ear, one of the toughest nuts to crack.GREAT JOB, go get 'em, great luck, hope it flies!!!!warren

[squids]

Hi ck!!I heard you got the country forward, that rocks!! I took a quick listen and I get what he/she is talking about now. It does have a nice hook but it's also got this peculiar quality to it (btw, great voice!). In the verse, the rhythm you're using on the guitar is way hot, driven, intense. Makes you feel like it's gonna take right off, jes fly into this tremendous chorus that's even hotter. That's what I was waiting for, anyway. But then it goes into the prechorus which was really neat too only it sounded almost like it was another song.....sorta like you started out Martina and then switched to Mary Chapin Carpenter and then stayed that way through the chorus only to switch back to Martina again.I'm completely clueless how you'd change that or even if you'd want to. I'm guessin' it's the guitar rhythm that's driving it but that's what totally sucked me in at the get-go. If you get rid of it, it's gonna lose that snappy get-to-it feel. Dangit. Loved your voice on it, loved the hook. It's got all the elements, it does, but a producer will have to rearrange it to get the singer in the same room with the music, ya see what I'm sayin? And while you know they'll do that (and be happy doing it), it'd sell faster if they didn't have to think that hard about it. And you wouldn't have to give up a share in the royalties. Heh. Anyway, as my bud Liam says, "keep it or sweep it", it's jes my two cents. Congratulations BIG time!! Squids

[ckbarlow]

So... it sounds like I have some listening homework to do, and to maybe target it clearly for a specific singer? I mean, it shouldn't be about the guitar part, and yet that's all the listener has to go on. (Of course the guitar part has little Kinks references in it; I couldn't help it...)Hmm. OK, I will give this some thought. Maybe the guitar wusses out too much in the prechorus. Maybe it needs to stay as driving as in the verse.

[squids]

I'm thinking that's your answer.....it's really what caught me.....your voice, the lyrics all driven by the guitar rhythm (the Kinks ROCK!) and I'm tellin it straight up, one southern girl to another, if you change that, it's gonna lose something......I think altering the rhythm in the prechorus to take it up a notch, then again a little bit more on the chorus will really blow them outta the water. I'm not talking about screaming or anything, jes maintaining that same excitement and feeling of tension you've got going in the verse that'll get released in the chorus.And really, I learned this the hard way. Had this one tune (chits will kill me for sayin' this, it was a cowrite with her) where the character was middle-aged, had passed her chances, lost her nerve, so when I would do her talking, I'd be very much that person......kinda mousy. But when it was narrated, the voice was stronger (to differentiate). And now all the screeners call me names behind my back when they hear that tune. If you listen carefully, you can hear them even now...........'squids is such a tease!' My mama taught me betta than that.

[jeffabbey]

May 18, 2008, 8:14pm, ckbarlow wrote: ...maybe target it clearly for a specific singer?CK,A friend of mine who’s big into country came to my office and I showed him your song. He loved it like I did. I defiantly think you have a winner here. I’d like to here it with a full country behind it with the acoustic as the foremost instrument but then again any country group picking the song up will be able to interpret what is going on behind it with the track as it stands.As far as targeting it to a specific singer I think your voice is interpreting the song just as it should be and anyone picking up the song will bring their own still into it anyway. The only voice suggestion I could make would be to accent your vocal fry a little more, but even that’s not absolutely needed as far as the song's interpretation.Jeff

[ckbarlow]

May 19, 2008, 8:13am, jeffabbey wrote:...The only voice suggestion I could make would be to accent your vocal fry a little more, but even that’s not absolutely needed as far as the song's interpretation.JeffOK, you've got me (huh huh) there: what do you mean by "vocal fry"? Does my vocal have shakes and no fries?

[jeffabbey]

CK,Country singers incorporate “Vocal Fry” more that what you find in any other genre. You are actually using vocal fry but not in a pronounced fashion. In other words, the vocal fry that you are using is milliseconds fast.The very first time you say the word “I” at nine seconds into the song, you are using vocal fry. Vocal Fry is like a frog sound low in note and in the larynx and then slides up into the note. Country singers will often times start at a lower note that you are using now on the word “I” and make the slide a little longer and more pronounced before hitting the word.To discover vocal fry, take a comfortable note and slowly slide the note to its lowest point. That frog like sound is “Vocal Fry”. Now, keep that frog like sound and slide the note back up. Tah Dah… you’ve now got vocal fry.But as I said before, your song is strong enough in that any country singer that was picking the song up will bring their style into it anyway.And no… It doesn’t come with a shake or fries, but it does come with a cheeseburger and Coke. Jeff

[mojobone]

I don't think there's much you could do to improve it, short of a fully-produced version. The lines, " ...if I'm the sun you're my shine, and "...get to my heart and you'll find" seem a little weak, lyrically. I think it's possible that a full production with an absolutely world-class singer and band is the only thing between 8 and 10. You've got a potential hit, here.