Critique please..

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Soadbehajoan
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Critique please..

Post by Soadbehajoan » Tue Dec 08, 2020 11:34 am

Here's a song I wrote about two years ago. It's the story of an imaginary meeting with an old school gangster in a London pub one night. I've got a tune for it and will get it recorded when funds allow! Love to know what you guys and girls think...


MISSING IN ACTON
1.
He had the look of an old Mod about him
From his "Royals" to his button-down shirt
But I saw in his eyes
As he sank pints of “Pride”
An old man no stranger to hurt

So I struck up a long conversation
About music and football and life
His hero was Weller
His best friend the feller
Who last year ran off with his wife

Chorus
Incognito and missing in Acton
On the ropes, on the razz, on the run
From the coppers, the villains, the taxmen
My advice; keep your head down old son

2.
His Ma was a Camberwell beauty
His father, the last stevedore
And the streets of his birth
Was the Bermondsey turf
He never would see anymore

So I called for two double Napoleons
And we drank to the good days gone by
As the closing bell rang
He stood up and he sang
“Danny Boy” with a tear in his eye

Chorus
Incognito and missing in Acton
On the ropes, on the razz, on the run
From the coppers, the villains, the taxmen
My advice; keep your head down old son

Post Chorus
"Il flagrante delicto" in Acton
Under stress, under dressed, underdone
It was this or his sister’s in Clacton
His advice; get a life my old son

© Martin Manley

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cosmicdolphin
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Re: Critique please..

Post by cosmicdolphin » Thu Dec 10, 2020 1:00 pm

If it's for Sync it'll never get placed because the lyrics are too specific..songs need to support the story..not be the story.

If it's not for sync then it sounds like a fun caper

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Re: Critique please..

Post by MBantle » Thu Dec 10, 2020 2:36 pm

cosmicdolphin wrote:
Thu Dec 10, 2020 1:00 pm
If it's for Sync it'll never get placed because the lyrics are too specific..songs need to support the story..not be the story.

If it's not for sync then it sounds like a fun caper
+1

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Re: Critique please..

Post by MBantle » Thu Dec 10, 2020 2:36 pm

MBantle wrote:
Thu Dec 10, 2020 2:36 pm
cosmicdolphin wrote:
Thu Dec 10, 2020 1:00 pm
If it's for Sync it'll never get placed because the lyrics are too specific..songs need to support the story..not be the story.

If it's not for sync then it sounds like a fun caper
+1 in terms of sync

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AlanHall
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Re: Critique please..

Post by AlanHall » Thu Dec 10, 2020 4:34 pm

It does sound like a fun story - but to us Yanks it might as well be all "mimsey borogroves" and such :D

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Re: Critique please..

Post by Soadbehajoan » Thu Dec 17, 2020 7:09 am

Ah yes what a band'Mimsey Borogroves were, never did make it in the U.S. and now I know why...
Thanks for the crit Alan and Cosmic, it was never gonna be a sync track just a wander down Ian Dury street via Billy Bragg's house...🧐👍

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AlanHall
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Re: Critique please..

Post by AlanHall » Thu Dec 17, 2020 9:23 pm

Soadbehajoan wrote:
Thu Dec 17, 2020 7:09 am
just a wander down Ian Dury street
What a blockhead he was, aye?

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Re: Critique please..

Post by Soadbehajoan » Mon Dec 21, 2020 8:50 am

This is kind of ' English Americana'. Anybody willing to coin a phrase to describe it?

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Re: Critique please..

Post by cosmicdolphin » Mon Dec 21, 2020 9:01 am

Soadbehajoan wrote:
Mon Dec 21, 2020 8:50 am
This is kind of ' English Americana'. Anybody willing to coin a phrase to describe it?
Mockney

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Re: Critique please..

Post by AlanHall » Tue Dec 22, 2020 8:50 pm

I thought it was called 'skiffle'? :lol:

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