Dispatch Roullette- Spinning the wheel again

[aubreyz]

So... short story long... Got this dispatch listing... had an idea... knocked out a track. Kudos and criticism greatly appreciated.A mid-tempo ALTERNATIVE POP/AAA SONG (with vocals) a la Keane, Snow Patrol, and Coldplay is needed by the Director of an Independent Film about an American college graduate who travels to China to find his path in life. It’s for a driving scene. The best example is “CHASING CARS” by Snow Patrol (from their 2006 release “Eyes Open”) - if he could afford it, the director would license that song. Male vocals are preferred, but he’s open to female vox as well. Broadcast quality needed [great sounding home recordings are OK]. As I've said before, these dispatch deadlines are killer if you have any other job or production load, but I think we're getting closer to getting the process down. The song "Anywhere" is at the top of my Broadjam list. Thanks for listeningwww.broadjam.com/aubdelane

[aubreyz]

Quote:Hey Aub, The positives: Your voice is sounding great. Love the chord pulses over the second verse, very nice touch! The Lyrics convey a feeling of thoughtful sadness . Composition and arrangement support the lyrical mood. The not so much so's: The Lyrics are not your best work and do fall short with some minor blurps and cliches. It could be that I've come to expect your usual... a tight story with a clever twist on a phrase... but hey. Your working with a deadline. So I'll give you some slack. There is one phrase , though, that absolutely needs your consideration: Are you looking so Everywhere There’s no second chances You won’t find me anywhere the higlihted portion is very confusing, maybe you could clarify?Speaking of clarification! Do you do parties? And what's your puppet.. uh... um, I mean, your partners name? Cheers,RanThanks for the feedback Randy, and Songwriter too. I'll respond to both here.About the mix - we had a flood in the office and a power surge blew my subwoofer... it's in the sub shop now - I've mixed with a sub for so long now, I guess I've gotten used to it. I tried to compensate, but listening to this "quick mix" elsewhere there is a lot of mud in the lower frequencies that I need to clean up. The vocal sounds much more up front in my studio than it really is. Time for some room analyzing.Thanks for the compliments Randy. With the odd meters I was concerned about the flow, but it seems to be working. It starts in 6/4 to 7/4 to 8/4 to 6/4 and the bridge is 11/4, but the goal was to not have that obvious.About the lyrics - some of the vagueness was intentional, to allow potential for wider placement possibilities. To explain the lyrics you specifically questioned, it's intended as a play on slang phrases like, "that's SO yesterday, or SO ghetto." My kids say that kind of stuff SO all the time.The guy has bailed on his girl, and his old life and headed for the future. The intended inference is that he left after a blowup without telling anyone (the "caused a scene" and "burned bridge" from the 2nd verse) The chorus lines, "do you miss me yet" and "are you looking so everywhere", refers to his hope that she is sad that he's gone and is trying to find him in all the old places.But... if you have to explain the story, you've not done a great job of telling it About my partner - his name is Ponco Satrio, a native of Indonesia - a brilliant guitarist and composer www.poncosatrio.comTogether we are Karma Suit. A web presence is in the works.Do we do parties? The logistics of a duo performing this kind of music live are in the works. We'll be ready to book acoustic gigs within a few weeks, but a full blown live show is farther down the road. (I can't wait to share some ideas about how this is going to work, but for now I'm not revealing any details other than it will be multimedia and interactive). Thanks again for the input!Aub

[aubreyz]

Quote:Aub, I know who Ponco is and I would never refer to him as your puppet <---- you big silly . I was refering to your Ventriloquist Act.RanOh yeah, with you and songwriter throwing me off with your hip slang terms... I'm starting to feel my fathers age, good thing he's young and handsome for a rich man in his 70's.LOL... ohhhh. THAT partner. Well... it's been a closely guarded secret until now. My main partner's name is Rusty - a little red headed wisecrack. I also have a large bird character named Heidi. I've not done any ventriloquism publicly for a number of years, but in the past I kept quite busy with parties, banquets, youth camps and that kind of thing. Now he spends most of his time safely tucked away in his suitcase... that is until my kids bug me enough to break him out for a living room show every now and then. A little interesting family note - I started doing ventriloquism at age 9, and as a teen traveled with my family quite a bit doing camps and kid's events. In college, my sister met and fell in love with, and ended up marrying... another ventriloquist - he taught her, my little brother also does it, and one of my daughters too--- that's 5 ventriloquists in my family!Even though slightly interesting, the whole matter of ventriloquism falls into the "why in the heck did I post that" category.

[aubreyz]

Well... the wheel hit bankrupt. No forward.The only frustrating part about these non-critique listings is that you don't have a clue as to why it wasn't forwarded. I'm going to post my thoughts about that elsewhere.Aub

[aubreyz]

Hey--- A.D.D. boy actually finished something --- here's a complete mix with background vocals --- of course, I may think it sucks tomorrow and decide to remix it (or write a country song or something wacky like that )AnywhereAub

[Casey H]

Quote:Hey--- A.D.D. boy actually finished something --- here's a complete mix with background vocals --- of course, I may think it sucks tomorrow and decide to remix it (or write a country song or something wacky like that )AnywhereAubHi AubFirst: I just woke up and I am working on my first coffee. Last night I took a muscle relaxer so I'm not sure if I am alive yet. Just a preface...Nice song. It's just not a finished product to pitch for something a la Coldplay or other more modern act. I hear a lot of Billy Joel lyrically and musically) in it and the backing vocal in the instrumental is Pink Floyd-ish. Lyrically, it uses it's share of cliches and I'm not sure it all comes together to tell us what the song is about.Structurally, it could use more repetition of the hook. I really like the first chorus which come in at a good time:On my own Going anywhere Everything’s behind me I’m on my way to anywhere But then I don't think you repeat that until the end of the song. It might be better to build the song around those 4 lines as the chorus (coming back to it more) and have one extra long chorus/variation at the end... but keep the song focused and centered on those 4 lines.I know you like to write more experimental/alternative and hence you don't always follow standard strong structure. That's OK, but to pitch songs for things such as publishers, film/TV, TAXI listings, etc. you could be knocking your head against the wall. Yes, some of these a la bands may deviate from that but in general, the more you stick to "the rules" at this point, the more success you will have. As been mentioned, if you write for your own CDs and pleasure, do what ever pleases you.Please don't feel ripped to shreds. I'm a lot like you... been around a few decades and have very strong 60's, 70's, and early 80's influences. My early songs (and maybe some newer ones ) have some of the same warts. One of the reasons I like listening to your songs is I identify with your music a lot....One more thing... I always have suggestions to take a song in a completely different direction... suggestions which probably make you cringe. ... But here goes: Why not make a Billy Joel replacement track for film/TV pitches? Warm Regards,Casey

[aubreyz]

Thanks for the feedback Casey. I always value your opinion!After a few therapy sessions, I'm sure the Billy Joel reference will not give me nightmares anymore Aub

[Casey H]

Quote:Thanks for the feedback Casey. I always value your opinion!After a few therapy sessions, I'm sure the Billy Joel reference will not give me nightmares anymore AubLMAOIt may take more than a few sessions... Casey

[liamkelly]

Quote:So... short story long... Got this dispatch listing... had an idea... knocked out a track. Kudos and criticism greatly appreciated.A mid-tempo ALTERNATIVE POP/AAA SONG (with vocals) a la Keane, Snow Patrol, and Coldplay is needed by the Director of an Independent Film about an American college graduate who travels to China to find his path in life. It’s for a driving scene. The best example is “CHASING CARS” by Snow Patrol (from their 2006 release “Eyes Open”) - if he could afford it, the director would license that song. Male vocals are preferred, but he’s open to female vox as well. Broadcast quality needed [great sounding home recordings are OK]. As I've said before, these dispatch deadlines are killer if you have any other job or production load, but I think we're getting closer to getting the process down. The song "Anywhere" is at the top of my Broadjam list. Thanks for listeningwww.broadjam.com/aubdelaneI find this an interesting question. Mainly because I did get forwarded to this listing and I think the track I forwarded is a bit weaker than yours.The song is First Mistake at www.myspace.com/liamkellymusicI'm guessing wildly here but I think one of the drawbacks in your track is that it sounds very American and the listing is specifically looking for a Chasing Cars clone. And Snow Patrol have a very Brit-Indie sound. I think where I might have scored over you is that I'm an Irishman and my music lacks an overtly US sound.I also think you missed the tremendous layering that Chasing Cars has. It starts so simple - two notes on two gtr strings - and ends up so thumping. I think the listing may have been looking for that swell as much as anything else.Look forward to your thoughtsLiam

[aubreyz]

Quote:Quote:So... short story long... Got this dispatch listing... had an idea... knocked out a track. Kudos and criticism greatly appreciated.A mid-tempo ALTERNATIVE POP/AAA SONG (with vocals) a la Keane, Snow Patrol, and Coldplay is needed by the Director of an Independent Film about an American college graduate who travels to China to find his path in life. It’s for a driving scene. The best example is “CHASING CARS” by Snow Patrol (from their 2006 release “Eyes Open”) - if he could afford it, the director would license that song. Male vocals are preferred, but he’s open to female vox as well. Broadcast quality needed [great sounding home recordings are OK]. As I've said before, these dispatch deadlines are killer if you have any other job or production load, but I think we're getting closer to getting the process down. The song "Anywhere" is at the top of my Broadjam list. Thanks for listeningwww.broadjam.com/aubdelaneI find this an interesting question. Mainly because I did get forwarded to this listing and I think the track I forwarded is a bit weaker than yours.The song is First Mistake at www.myspace.com/liamkellymusicI'm guessing wildly here but I think one of the drawbacks in your track is that it sounds very American and the listing is specifically looking for a Chasing Cars clone. And Snow Patrol have a very Brit-Indie sound. I think where I might have scored over you is that I'm an Irishman and my music lacks an overtly US sound.I also think you missed the tremendous layering that Chasing Cars has. It starts so simple - two notes on two gtr strings - and ends up so thumping. I think the listing may have been looking for that swell as much as anything else.Look forward to your thoughtsLiamLiam,Thanks for the post! Very interesting to hear what actually made it past the screening. Good song btw- I enjoyed it and congrats on the forward - well deserved.I have a few theories on why we didn't make the cut:1. Screener had a bad day (this is my... it makes me feel better to even consider it... reason)2. It was too slow feeling with not enough build.3. The subject matter was appropriate for the scene described, but not similar to the example song.Frankly, after hearing your cut, I think #3 is viable. Chasing cars is happier, more like a love song... as is your track.Thanks again.Aub