feedback please

[jakarow]

We've gotten a lot of rejects from TAXI (one forward) and I'm feeling discouraged. Would anyone care to give some honest feedback on any of our songs? We're at broadjam.com/ten31. The first three were recorded professionally in a "real" studio, and the others were recorded at a friend's home studio. My main concern is the songs themselves--aside from recording/production, etc., are the songs good enough to seriously pitch, or do I have major problems with my writing? I'll take comments on the recording and such, too, of course. Thank you so much for any help!

[jeffe]

OK. I'm no reviewer, but I like to think I know the basic elements that provide a commercially viable song. Even if I don't always write that sort of stuff myself.I would assume that all songs submitted on here have to be commercially viable for the opportunity that you pitch to. I had a listen to all your tracks (not all the way through though), and I have a few points to comment on. These observations are mine only, and may not represent the views of industry experts.First of all I would assume that you've pitched these to mainly religious opportunities, because most of them appear to be religious in theme.I thought that all the songs were quite easy listening. I can't say that any of them really stood out as major compositions, and the reasons for my opinion on that may surprise you.The recording quality of the tracks varied, but I wouldn't say any of them were particularly bad. In fact, some were pretty clean.Most of the music was fairly well arranged, but there were some things that didn't fit. I liked the sax.Now here is the bit that mattered to me. I'm talking about the vocals. I thought the voice was a pretty interesting and good voice, but I found myself waiting for you to do something with it and was disappointed every time. You need to really set that voice free. It's tied too much to the melody of the song, and it lacks in power. Just changing those things about the vocals would make a massive impact on your existing compositions. I'm quite sure if you listen to it yourself, these things will stand out.Perhaps this will explain it better. You seem to play the voice like an instrument. Stepping your voice up and down. I think you should try resinging those parts, but with a single note, and do it with power. Let it rip!!That's my technical opinion.Hope it didn't upset you.So in short. Set that voice free. It deserves to be heard in the mountains, but at present it can only be heard in the shower. Picture that, and let rip!!!

[jakarow]

Thank you...I really appreciate it. And you're right; I do understand what you're talking about. You didn't upset me at all. In fact, this is the kind of thing I need to hear. Most of the negative comments I got from TAXI had to do with lyrics and song structure. I'm aware that most of our material isn't "commercial" (I know not to pitch when they say "a la Kelly Clarkson..."!), although I've been trying to write more along the commercially-viable lines just so we can do something with this. I've pitched to both Christian and general listings, as we're probably not "Christian enough" for the full-on Christian listings (hope that makes sense). Then again, we may be "too Christian" for the general listings! Anyway, thank you again. This is really quite helpful. All the best to you!

[davewalton]

Just out of curiousity, have you submitted "Dreams Of Falling" for any listings? If so, what have the comments been?The reason I ask is that for me, that was the track that really stuck out (of the first three on the page that I listened to). I only do instrumentals so I can't be helpful on lyrics but I really like the overall sound and feel of it. Now I want you to take this as a compliment but I think it's really MUCH better than the other two. Nice intro and I like the way the opening verse builds - guitar... guitar and vocals... guitar, vocals, and bass. The melody is catchy and interesting as is the timing of the melody ("what about me wasn't serious... enough"). Here's one thing that kind of threw me. You've got what I consider to be a bridge at the end of the chorus. I wasn't really paying close attention and around the 0:50 mark it started ramping up like it was a bridge going to go into a big chorus - but it didn't because we're already in the chorus it's the end of the chorus.We just had a BIG, LONG forum discussion about how much value to put on opinions so don't go changing everything just because I said so. Here is my one and only suggestion for this track (or for a future track you write). That little segment from around 0:48/0:50 to 0:55 is a great little bridge into a chorus. That (or something like it) should come after the verse because the way it's structured, it builds up and it wants to go somewhere bigger - the chorus.As an experiment, just with your guitar in your room or whatever, play and sing just the 0:48/0:50 to 0:55 part and take that right into the chorus and see what you think. I realize that the lyrics/storyline gets turned around but I'm just talking about the music itself and coming from a music point of view.I'll confess to not really being a "country" person but I really liked this track. Dave

[jakarow]

Hi Dave,Thank you for your comments and suggestions. "Dreams of Falling" was the one and only forward I've gotten so far, which didn't surprise me since it seemed like the most commercially viable song to me, too. The last time I submitted it, the reviewer said:"Well written lyric ideas.. first person point of view and vocal delivery are expressive,, ' what about me wasn't serious enough' ' i had dreams of falling'. good line, but be sure the vocal intonation is consistent, 'find the nest,, safe beneath his wings' another line that stood out was, " i held the truth before your eyes" that's a good start to the second verse, yet the rest of that verse really just repeats the ideas , situation you've told us about in verse 1.. the more you can add details, tell us about you, the more effective the song will be .. be sure all the overdubs are in tune, gtr, mandolin,etc." He/she noted: "Good music in verses, choruses could be stronger. Well-written structure. Main reason not forwarded: Be sure your vocal intonation is consistent,, good lyric ideas, yet i'd work to make the chorus even more concise,, build around your most striking, compelling and ultimately memorable title melody These broadcast level listings are typically very selective."I think I understand what you're saying about the chorus/lead into the chorus, etc., as I've heard those comments before on a lot of my writing. What sounds like a chorus, to me, doesn't always sound like a chorus to everyone else, it seems! The "Now I'm falling, flying away..." part is the chorus. I'm not sure if it just doesn't build enough there, or what--'cause again, to me, it sounds like a chorus...but it must not be strong enough. Perhaps I spent too many years listening to people like Kate Bush, who seem to write whatever they want and get away with it! Yeah, I know, at some point they follow rules enough to get some hits so they can afford to do the other stuff Thank you again, and I'll keep working on those choruses. I'm very appreciate for the comments I've been getting (anything that will help is good!).