Finding a balance between "edgy" and "PG rated" lyrics

[joyfrost]

I have a song I was thinking of tailoring a production to for a moody alt pop listing like the one below but I want to make sure i wouldn't be shooting myself in the foot with the lyrics. How do I be edgy WHILE remaining PG rated? In my mind I feel like they are mutually exclusive since most things that are edgy simply are not PG rated in nature. There is one tiny sexual reference in my song and I'm wondering if that would just disqualify the whole thing from being PG rated for a film & tv moody alt pop listing? Also without the line I wonder if my song would be even edgy anymore?

Here's a one-take vocal/guitar demo with a quick beat slapped on of the song I had in mind. It's called Knocking. https://soundcloud.com/joyfrost/knocking

The line in question is
"We used to make music to a different beat - it felt so controversial.
Making love to online radio even during the commercial"

MOODY ALT POP SONGS with Female Vocals are needed by an A-list Music Licensing Company with a huge list of high-end placements in Films, TV Shows, Commercials, and Trailers. They want well-crafted, Down-to-Mid-Tempo Songs in the general stylistic wheelhouse of Lorde, Tove Lo, Banks, etc., etc., etc. Submit catchy songs that lean towards the edgier side of the Pop spectrum, while still maintaining a commercially relevant sound. Songs should be rhythmically, melodically, and lyrically engaging, with an awesome vocal performance. Lyric themes can vary, but should be creative, PG-rated, and universal. Please avoid references to specific names, places, dates, times, and brands. Please, do NOT copy or rip off the referenced artists in any way, shape, or form. Use them only as a guide for feel, texture, and tone. They offer a 3-year EXCLUSIVE deal. You'll keep 100% of the writer's share. They'll split the Publisher's share and sync fee 50/50 with you! Most people think that's a really good deal in today's market! Yes, you'll get half of the Publisher's share in this super sweet deal. This is an EXCLUSIVE deal, so your songs can NOT already be signed with any other publishers or catalogs. Broadcast quality is needed (great sounding home recordings are fine). Please submit one to three Songs online or per CD, include lyrics. All submissions will be screened on a Yes/No basis - No full critiques. Submissions must be received no later than Friday, May 22, 2015. TAXI #Y150522AP

[funsongs]

Seems the sc link is set to private, thus unavailable for these old-guy ears to listen.
However, just reading the lyrics - to me they're not overly sensual, such that it might push it beyond PG-rating;
in fact, it reads a bit comical, humorous.
That stated, ultimately that's gonna be the call of the screener's sensibilities, on behalf of the one offering the listing.

Wanna check that link again?
(ed. by PG-rated, my interpretation is that they don't want vulgar language used)

[joyfrost]

It should work now

[funsongs]

It should work now

Yes it does.
FWIW: here's 2 cents worth from the listen - jotting notes of 'first impression':

1) it does create a mood: longing, romantic, sultry;
2) while it's not vulgar in anyway, it is 'adult' in its theme.

To your question: I don't hear anything problematic with the lyrics that sound
out-of-balance, or out-of-bounds. Others may think otherwise.

critique-wise: in that it's over 4 minutes,
it could use the dynamics of introducing other/more instrumentation builds
as the story-line progresses: to keep it interesting. As-is, it's a bit stagnant.

Sounds like a good beginning and concept that can be improved to something really, really, good.
hth,

[joyfrost]

It should work now

it could use the dynamics of introducing other/more instrumentation builds
as the story-line progresses: to keep it interesting. As-is, it's a bit stagnant.

Oh yes I agree!! that's why i mentioned it was just a sloppy one-take demo to get an idea since I haven't actually produced it yet I definitely will want to do something more than just a guitar with a beat I put in spaces for two instrumental breaks and the whole thing is 4:10. I could definitely cut one out to make it shorter

[melodymessiah]

instead of asking on the forum about suitability for listings, i would just submit to the listing and see what the screener says. it costs only 5 dollars, and if it's not suitable, there's always gonna be plenty of similar listings to submit to after adjusting the lyrics. to me the lines in question seems fine, they're more qute, fun and clever than provocative.

i agree with you that the song needs more production. my biggest issue however, is that it sounds way to slow. no production will fix that. i would turn it into a more upbeat pop song. i also feel you're holding back a bit on the vocal, i would like a more "slap in your face" attitude. you have a great voice:-)

[VanderBoegh]

Hey Joy, I don't hear anything in your lyrics that push the limits here. Looks like you've only got 5 days before the listing deadlines, so hopefully you get something whooped up in time! In reading the line from the listing text "lean towards the edgier side of the Pop spectrum, while still maintaining a commercially relevant sound," I'm wondering if that refers more to the production rather than the actual lyrics? Might wanna think about that as you start producing this song.

P.S. When I think of "edgy yet clean" lyrics, I automatically think of these:

Warrant "Cherry Pie": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OjyZKfdwlng
AC/DC "Big Balls": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gJ3tqIukBKg

~~Matt

[andygabrys]

an opinion Joy:

I read the listing to mean that

"edgier"

relates to the feel track itself (i.e. darker chord progressions / melodies, harder sounds, gritty synths, maybe distorted and processed guitars, crazy reverb sounds, etc.)

whereas the lyrics are desired to be

"PG"

so if you can change the two lines in question you would be sure there would be NO issue with the lyrics.

also: if you post all the lyrics into your initial post people can see the whole flow of the song. You might get some comments on the lyrics in general (if you are open to that).

good luck.

[johnlewitt]

Hey Joy,

In respect to these two lines, two things come up.

One, that first line is PG to me, no problems. But to be safe, I'd change the second line to something that is truly PG.

Secondly, they say this listing could be for "Films, TV Shows, Commercials, and Trailers." Now I've never heard a song used in a commercial that actually uses the word commercial! So changing it would probably help you in two ways.

You've got a great voice, so that should help you with the 'awesome vocal performance' they are looking for.

Good luck with it.

John

[joyfrost]

Thank you all for the great feedback!! I will see what I can come up with to replace the one line to keep the feel but make sure there's nothing that could limit the placement. Matt and Andy it didn't even occur to me that I could have been reading the listing wrong and that edgy could be referring to the instrumentation rather than the lyrics. Thank you for the fresh pair of eyes on the listing! PS Matt I'd never heard Big Balls before. Thank you for sharing it with me. I got a good giggle out of it Best line "Some balls are held for charity and some for fancy dress but when they're held for pleasure they're the balls that I like best"