First try at smooth jazz

[ncc1701]

Hey everyone. I just barely got this submitted in time for the Smooth Jazz Instrumentals listing with the intent of continuing to tweak the mix as much as I can until the screeners make off with it. Who wants to take a stab at critiquing it?http://www.taximusic.com/song.php?song_ ... ream=1Huge thanks to our pal Timmer Blakely for all the guitar tracks on this one. Kathleen

[crs7string]

Kelysian,Love your sax work. Timmer did a nice job on the guitars.My only comment would be about the bass part. It does not seem to be underpinning the way a bass player would. I think it's the rhythmic pattern. You may want to listen to the track with just the drums and rhythm guitar. (if this is a real bass player, he or she sounds like they don't know the changes and is very insecure) There is a nice flow to the track but the bass part is making the flow a little choppy. (it's always a challenge to use words to describe music)On the verse I think a line that is a half note followed by two quarter notes would be more effective.As I listen a few more times, I could hear some sort of very subtle pad or Rhodes piano on the B section to kind of "glue" the guitar parts together.Chuck

[bmete]

Hi Kathleen,I like your tune a lot.... nice melody and groove, I agree with Chuck on the bass part.. ( perhaps bring the guitar up a little and sax back just a bit)My suggestions would be on the phrasing of the sax part.. I'd say more jazz phrasing ( eight triplets boo ba boo ba etc ) and less concert band phrasing) for me it is a little to stiff instead of dee dee da da in the melody perhaps bo ba do do, less tonguing and a little more bending and shaping of the phrasing, ( like at :54 & 2:43 and 3:53 there is real excitement there ). Like a singer moves from the mic on certain notes and phrasing, be careful of those darn low notes the low notes sounds like they are popping ( I know low notes are a pain ...I practice long tones (especially on the low register) forever it seems,Good luck with. its a great tune..I got mine in for this listing with seconds to spare too... Bob

[ibanez468]

Kath,Tune sounds nice! I think Chuck and Bob have made some valid points. I think Chuck's idea about a pad or a rhodes sound would enhance the tune a good deal too. And Bob makes a good point about sax phrasing. Does sound a little stiff. S'gotta flow a little smoother, IMHO, with some nicely placed articulations to get some of the stiffness out. Only other problem I had was the overall volume. I don't know if it was me or what, but I had to turn my speaker volume up pretty high to hear the tune. But overall, a good tune. Best of luck to you both!!ibanez468

[ncc1701]

Great, guys - that's just what I needed to hear.I wrote this originally as an R&B song for a vocalist, so I'm basically duplicating the words and phrasings in my head as I play. Maybe I just need to let go and think jazz more.I do have a Rhodes piano in the prechoruses and choruses, but apparently not hot enough. Will tweak.I get happier with this project every time I work on it. If it doesn't make it through this listing, there will be plenty more and it will just keep improving.Kathleen

[billg]

Hey Kathleen, cool song. I have to echo Chuck & Bob on the bass. As a bassplayer I gotta say that to me it's the weak link in an otherwise pretty strong track. I'd be glad to lay down a bass part for you if you want.

[bmete]

Hi Kathleen,Just as a thought what reed and mouthpiece are you using....If you're playing a vandoren perhaps a jazz reed java, rico royal or my favoritee La voz..Bob

[nknjmes]

Yeah it's a keeper. Nice job!