Foray into new genres

[financiallizard]

I'm starting to write in a different genre. Any constructive comments on these lyrics. "I'm going back"There is too much sunshineAnd not much to the seasonsI've gotta get my mind off you and those are two good reasonsI was bottled up so longuntil you poured me out flooded with demons from my pastI'm gonna take another routeI'm going back to Chicagosee some family and old friendsgonna lick my wounds cork up the bottle and stand on my own two feet againI spent six months in jailbut i could leave at any timeI've gotta get my mind off you But it's you who committed the crimeI'm going back to Chicagosee some family and old friendsgonna lick my wounds cork up the bottle and stand on my own two feet againHow could you tell me those things when you didn't really careThe damage you did to me is way beyond repair Can't you see what you did to my heartGoing back to Chicago to make a new startHow I wished I never met you and never called a second timeI've gotta get my mind off youBut I can't drink you off my mindI'm going back to ChicagoI'll see some family and old friendsgonna lick my wounds cork up the bottle and stand on my own two feet againHow did you tell me those things when you didn't really careWhy did you act like it's real when you wern't even thereIf I could just learn to fully believeI'd go back to Chicago and I'd never leave© Don Carnevale 2009 All Rights Reserved Don Carnevale Publishing

[ciskokidd]

Hey Don,I think your title should be "Back To Chicago". It's way better than "I'm Going Back" which is too generic.My overall feeling from reading the lyric is that the tone is too "whiny". Without a compelling story to paint a better picture for us, why should we care if this woman broke the singer's heart? It also seems the concept of "giving up the drinking" is a bit cliche to be an effective method for arriving at the title/chorus of your song.If you start by using a tool that Robin Frederick recommends you will find yourself in better lyrical territory. What questions are suggested by your title?If you come up with a least 10 questions that the title suggests you should be able to shape a bunch of different scenarios and then you may be able to find a concept that is fresh and has a unique slant. That's my 2 cents and remember I am only one opinion. Best,Cisko