Getting Old Really S_ _ ks!

[augustheat]

Greetings:Well, guys....Since July, my mother has made three round trips in and out of the ER, the hospital, and a rehab center. She's 80 years old. I took her to her all class reunion in July. Although she got around slow, she trucked along with her walker, making it to every event. On the last night, she started walking around the hotel room at 3:00 a.m., talking to herself and reliving her reunion. We thought it was funny at the time...Four days after we got home, she was found on the floor of her apartment. She had been there for two days, and was only found when a friend had the manager come in and check on her. She had dimentia, high blood sugars, etc. That's when the ER/Hospital/Rehab stints started. She hasn't been home for more than four or five days total since. Each time she got back, she passed out and left in an ambulance to start the cycle all over again...At the present, she's in a nursing home awaiting entry into an assisted living facility. Unfortunately, her blood sugars are still out of whack, and they won't take her until that's under control. It may never be...It's tough going to visit her...There are so many lonely people in there, some of whom just sit and stare at the walls. I can't help but think they have so many memories and experiences to share, but are simply unable to do so anymore. Not to sound cruel, but it's really a sad existence. It's like they're just waiting around to die. As far as my mother goes, I can tell you it's pretty tough getting a call from her asking me to pick her up some diapers.I've been taking her to all of her appointments, and I visit or talk with her almost daily. I'm trying to make this transition easy for her, but you can see in her face that she misses her cat and her apartment. I'm taking care of her as best I can, but sometimes I feel helpless. The process of cutting through all the "red tape," dealing with state and county agencies, etc., has been quite an experience. It's like these people don't matter anymore. It's really sad. Is this what we all have to look forward to?Somebody please tell me this process will get better...Blessings,

[zircon]

I am very sorry to hear about your mother's condition. One of my grandparents is in that condition now. Two of my other grandparents died within the last year after suffering for several years of dementia and Alzheimer's, being unable to care for themselves. This is going to sound really, really stupid coming from a 19 year old. But I spent every year at high school working at a medical group and I picked up some things there. Most importantly - medical technology keeps getting better and better. Every year brings a new method of prolonging our lives and raising the quality of them. Every year, we pinpoint more and more factors that lead to conditions which eventually kill us, and ways to avoid them - or at least mitigate the damage. Additionally, the trend of government these days is to pay more attention and care to the needs of the elderly, not less. I imagine several decades from now, things WILL be quite a bit better.

[ernstinen]

Gee, I'm sorry to hear this, August. My dad is really old too, and falls down alot (some due to Jack Daniels ), but he's hanging in there. It's fortunate that he's got a young(er) wife to take care of him (after losing my mom & stepmom to cancer).My wife and I were talking about this tonight how you can cruise along in life and then something comes along that really sucks. We concluded that no one is immune to bad times, even when things have always gone well for you.My best to you and your family ---Ern

[hummingbird]

Hi Craig, I feel for you. I'm lucky enough to still have my Dad, but we went through a scary time with him at the beginning of this year... and he pulled through okay, thank goodness. I know your mother appreciates your efforts to make her comfortable and give her support. Some suggestions -- I don't know if they really apply, but here goes...- one thing that sometimes suffers and effects the self-esteem of someone in your mom's condition is not having their hair done. Talk to the facility and make arrangements to have your mom's hair styled every week or two- I know it's hard to deal with the physical changes and things like diapers... be compassionate (as I am sure you are) and try to help her maintain her dignity- if your mom is having trouble remembering folks, why not try putting together a small photo album with pix of family & friends and funny little notes to gently remind her- if possible, get her a calendar and make sure she has a watch or a clock... cross off the days as they pass, write when you will be coming (my Dad had a lot of trouble with dates & times so having a calendar he could look at really helped)- do some research into her condition so you understand the emotional impact it has on her and you... and if possible talk to an experienced nurse or counsellor about how to work with your Mom. After my Dad has his stroke, I read the material the hosptial gave us, and talked to the nutritionist and physio therapists, etc. It just helped me to understand - since you are musical, perhaps one thing you can do is suggest to the programmer that you do a sing-along one Sat aft & do some singalong stuff with a guitar or piano. Or old hymns on a Sunday afternoon. - it's okay to be scared. Remember you need support too. Talk to someone about what you're going throughtake good care of yourself, my thoughts are with you,warmlyHummin'bird

[horacejesse]

It ain't dark yet, but its getting there. Bob Dylan

[Casey H]

AugustI feel for you too. I am going through something similar with my Mom who has early Alzheimer's and Diabetes. It is complicated further by the fact that she lives in NY, I live in Philly and my brother (the only other sibling) lives in CT. We are both 2 hours away by car and Mom refuses to ever move from that house- the only way she will leave that house is if carried out. That leaves us few options such as moving her to assisted living, etc. Right now, she is getting daily visits from a visiting nurse and with assistance, there is an aide staying with her. But, she has been uncooperative and the agencies involved are going to pull the plug on these services. Yes, getting old s*cks and most baby boomers like us will fall into the "sandwich" problem, dealing with both their own kids and their parents.My thoughts and best wishes are with you. Casey

[booker]

Well I thought I might as well chime in, as usual. This is actually my day job. I set folks up with equipment in their home, and in nursing homes as well. I have many opinions about the state of healthcare in the US, but I'll spare you most of it. Point one: if it sucks getting old... what's your option? The baby boomers are coming up fast, and the government is freaking out about it. Even with the screwed up system we have, I feel it's still the best out there from what I studied. It's no secret that insurance company's are getting more and more stingy, and medical prices are going up, but I don't really want our government to try and "fix" it.... they've done enough already. People want pretty much everything for free. They feel that somehow, they've earned it. Your best scenario is to try to stay at home and keep your costs down. Family is your best option, hands down. That's why I hate to see the way our society is getting away from close families. I'll save the rest for another time.

[augustheat]

Quote:I am very sorry to hear about your mother's condition. One of my grandparents is in that condition now. Two of my other grandparents died within the last year after suffering for several years of dementia and Alzheimer's, being unable to care for themselves. This is going to sound really, really stupid coming from a 19 year old. But I spent every year at high school working at a medical group and I picked up some things there. Most importantly - medical technology keeps getting better and better. Every year brings a new method of prolonging our lives and raising the quality of them. Every year, we pinpoint more and more factors that lead to conditions which eventually kill us, and ways to avoid them - or at least mitigate the damage. Additionally, the trend of government these days is to pay more attention and care to the needs of the elderly, not less. I imagine several decades from now, things WILL be quite a bit better.Zircon:Thanks for your kind words. While I agree with what you're saying...After what I've seen these past few months, I'm definitely shooting for the "quality" part of life over the "quantity" part of life. While only my Creator will ultimately dictate how long that will be for me, I'm going to do my part to ensure that both "quality" and "quantity" cross paths!Blessings,

[augustheat]

Quote:Gee, I'm sorry to hear this, August. My dad is really old too, and falls down alot (some due to Jack Daniels ), but he's hanging in there. It's fortunate that he's got a young(er) wife to take care of him (after losing my mom & stepmom to cancer).My wife and I were talking about this tonight how you can cruise along in life and then something comes along that really sucks. We concluded that no one is immune to bad times, even when things have always gone well for you.My best to you and your family ---Ern Ern:Thanks man! I wish your father well too. Kudos to your Dad for the younger wife! Maybe that's what will help me with the "quality" thing later on, huh? Blessings,

[augustheat]

Quote:Hi Craig, I feel for you. I'm lucky enough to still have my Dad, but we went through a scary time with him at the beginning of this year... and he pulled through okay, thank goodness. I know your mother appreciates your efforts to make her comfortable and give her support. Some suggestions -- I don't know if they really apply, but here goes...- one thing that sometimes suffers and effects the self-esteem of someone in your mom's condition is not having their hair done. Talk to the facility and make arrangements to have your mom's hair styled every week or two- I know it's hard to deal with the physical changes and things like diapers... be compassionate (as I am sure you are) and try to help her maintain her dignity- if your mom is having trouble remembering folks, why not try putting together a small photo album with pix of family & friends and funny little notes to gently remind her- if possible, get her a calendar and make sure she has a watch or a clock... cross off the days as they pass, write when you will be coming (my Dad had a lot of trouble with dates & times so having a calendar he could look at really helped)- do some research into her condition so you understand the emotional impact it has on her and you... and if possible talk to an experienced nurse or counsellor about how to work with your Mom. After my Dad has his stroke, I read the material the hosptial gave us, and talked to the nutritionist and physio therapists, etc. It just helped me to understand - since you are musical, perhaps one thing you can do is suggest to the programmer that you do a sing-along one Sat aft & do some singalong stuff with a guitar or piano. Or old hymns on a Sunday afternoon. - it's okay to be scared. Remember you need support too. Talk to someone about what you're going throughtake good care of yourself, my thoughts are with you,warmlyHummin'bird Vicki:Some great suggestions, thanks! I know she gets her hair done quite often, and that is important to her. She's pretty accepting of the depends thing, and talks about it quite frequently. Actually, the dementia thing was caused by a UTI, which is now under control. She's doing better in that area. We're in constant contact as far as when I'm visiting, etc. She does have a calendar up in her room. I think my going there and singing would put more people at risk! I'm a writer more than I am a performer, but maybe I'll bring her a portable CD player to listen to some music of her choice!Thanks again Vicki for the great ideas. You're all class!Blessings,