Hank Would Be An Angry Man

[woods]

Production Demo. All comments welcome. Click title to play.Thanks, Woods.Hank Would Be An Angry Man © MBJ Aug 13/07Well it’s just like a little jungleThis head space that we’re inWe’re rollin’ for a goal line fumbleA patriotic life of sin(Chorus)The music that we used to dance toHas gone and got a little bit strangeThere ain’t no words to describe this jamBut old Hank would be an angry manWell old Hank must’ve seen it comin’He was one step ahead of the gameSo he just up and kicked itTo save the whole family from shameWell America’s next idolCould be livin’ in the Holy LandLookin’ for a rhyme in the biblePlayin’ in a military band(Chorus)But the music that they’re playin’ Don’t sound that good no moreThere ain’t no words to describe this jamBut old Hank would be an angry manWell old Hank must’ve seen it comin’He was one step ahead of the gameSo he just up and kicked itTo save the whole family from shame(Bridge) You’re bitter and you’re sadYou’re naked and you’re proudDown on your knees in painBallin’ like a little child(Reapeat 1st Verse and Chorus) Copyright © 2007; Ruro Music

[woods]

Like davey Jones from the Monkees said at the beginning of Daydream Believer (the 45) "Hey I know I'm short but come on":):)So come on - carve this one up for me. Any coomments welcome.Thanks,Woods

[johnhampt]

Sounds like an unreleased song off of the White Albume (except for vocals, of course). I would be certainly happy to give you my opinion but what are you seeking to do with this song? I mean, are you wanting creative or commercial viability feedback?

[woods]

Well I'm new to this whole songwriter critique community. So I really haven't learned enough about the rules of the game to know exactly what I want. But having said that - sometime in the future I would like to write a few songs that could possibly be considered by some publishers/artists as prospects for their record. This particular song is the first one I sort of created a production to deliver it. Up to now anything I put up for critique has been gtr vocals alone. The production here just created itself really - I am fully aware that it has nothing to do with radio in this form. But there was a short time in the very beginning when I had a small notion that I wanted to hear a John Anderson or Hank Jr. (or the miriad of new artists doing the fun honky tonk style) do this song. But anyway - Just some comments on the creative would suffice for now.Thanks,Woods

[johnhampt]

My first thought was that it would be a county song, since the title mentions Hank. But it sound more folky or like an old Steve Miller song.Find your audience. I think this could very well be a country song with the lyrics and all. But the doubling of vocals gives it that late 60's, early 70's sound. So if I were writing it as a country song I would do the following:1) Get rid of doubled vocal track. There are strange intervaled harmonies through out also. Maybe the first time through have little or no harmonies. As the song builds start adding more and more so that the last pass through has the harmonies throughout.2) The song is a good tempo but with so much going on it kind of feels crowded. Give it a little space.3) The Rhodes piano sound also makes it sound classic. Maybe make an acoustic more prominent.4) When you get to "Hank would be an old angry man" at the end of each chorus hold the E chord out with a pause of the music. I know this is trite and formulated but that's the thought process if you are selling a song. Who cares if 100 other songs do the same thing. Those hundred songs follow the formula, you know?5) The chorus has two parts each time. Could you cut the chorus in half maybe the first and or second time to give the last time more of a climactic appeal? So the first time you can go from "To save the whole family from shame" right into "America's next Idol". Make sense?6) I like your bridge. It flows well.7) Good tag at the end as well.I think you have a diamond in the rough. It is quite a cool song. Please understand, I am not telling you how to rewrite your song. That is just how I hear it and how I would change it. There is a lot you can do with this song.I alos