Hard rock meets country: A request

[DannyWeber]

Thanks to all of you, who welcomed me to the forums. Request: I wrote what I feel is a contemporary country song. I am a hard rock kind of guy but when I experimented with some contemporary country listings, I came up with a song on my taxi page called, "Eileen". I had a lot of fun writing and performing this song but I want to learn what the pros have to say, so I can make the next country song even better.

I have a lot of questions and I don't expect you to answer them all. This is my first attempt at country and I would like to know the following...

1. Does it fit the genre... contemporary country? If not, can you point me in the right direction?
2. I think the song might sound too stripped down and/or basic. Does it need more instrumentation or vocal parts? If so, what would you add and where?
3. I think the first verse and choruses may be too repetitive or long. If so, how would you correct them?
4. The lyrics may be vague but I was trying to write a dream sequence and/or infatuation. Do you feel the lyrics need to be changed and how would you change them.
5. I think it might need a solo or completely different bridge. Is the song structure Okay? If not, how would you change it?
6. Does anything stand out as being out of place or obviously wrong? If so, how would you fix it?
7. Are the levels right? If not, what would you change about the mix?

I am constantly updating my songs so this link may not work.
https://soundcloud.com/hitter527/eileen

The song is, "Eileen" and it is also on my taxi page.

Remember, this is my first attempt.

Thank you,
Danny Weber

[Casey H]

Hi Danny
Could you post the lyrics?

Casey

[andygabrys]

Hey Danny,

I would say a lot of your questions about song form, typical instrumentation, and mix are going to be solved by A/B comparing your song against "contemporary country"

what is contemporary country?

these might help you nail it down:

http://www.allmusic.com/subgenre/contem ... 0000002946
http://www.billboard.com/charts/country-songs

Look for the common elements between the artists.

HTH.

[DannyWeber]

Thanks, Casey and Andy. I checked out both of your taxi pages and It's easy see why you two get so many placements. Andy, I read the description/history of contemporary country from the link you posted and listened to a few of the top songs on the charts right now. Man, they are geared more toward clean or crunchy electric guitar in those tunes. Maybe next time I will try a more familiar approach by writing with e-guitar. Big powerful choruses with power chords too, cool. With "Eileen", I was responding to a listing that asked for songs that sound like Gloriana eg. http://youtu.be/MUcwhd7EwEk . I know I have a ways to go yet before I can write something competitive but I will keep trying. I don't have a twang to my vocal but I think I got close to the country/pop genre with the overall feel. I could be wrong though. I enjoyed it so much, I want to write more country/rock or country/pop songs, I would just like to find out if someone else, thinks I am on the right track or not.

Thanks.

Casey, do you need the lyrics because the vocal mix is wrong or my vocal delivery is hard to decipher or both? Here are the lyrics and I appreciate your interest...

Somehow I've got to reach my baby
She's somewhere over the rainbow
The cards and letters just don't reach her
Her old man says I'm nothin' that she needs
The old man got this boy a workin'
Workin' my 10 fingers to the bone
He said now boy you've got a problem
You gotta go through me to get Eileen alone

Eileen, always in my dreams
Don't know what it means
Nothin' as it seems
Eileen, I'll show you true romance
I'll take you through the dance
C'mon take a chance
Eileen, I look in your eyes
I see my paradise
A beautiful surprise

I've lived through 20 years of troubles
All those memories dancin' in my head
And now I've finally got the answer
Eileen's gonna dance with me instead

Eileen, always in my dreams
Don't know what it means
Nothin' as it seems
Eileen, I'll show you true romance
I'll take you through the dance
C'mon take a chance
Eileen, I look in your eyes
I see my paradise
A beautiful surprise
Eileen, always in my head
Always on my mind
Never by my side

I've lived through 20 years of troubles
All those memories dancin' in my head
And now I've finally got the answer

Eileen, always in my dreams
Don't know what it means
Nothin' as it seems
Eileen, I'll show you true romance
I'll take you through the dance
C'mon take a chance
Eileen, I look in your eyes
I see my paradise
A beautiful surprise
Eileen, always in my head
Always on my mind
Always by my side

[Casey H]

Danny
When you ask for a song review and even include questions about the lyrics... well??

It's hard to give a proper song review without the lyrics.

I'll be back in a bit.

Casey

[andygabrys]

interesting - that Gloriana tune has Steel and clean electric guitar in there too.

[DannyWeber]

Casey, I guess I jumped the gun and got a little self conscious. Sorry, I am fairly new to this. I look forward to hearing your critique.

[DannyWeber]

Andy, yes it does and I probably should insert some. I don't have a steel guitar but I might be able to get kind of a swampy sound from an acoustic slide guitar. Thanks

[andygabrys]

hy Danny,

can you find the listing text? it might be interesting to see what they were really looking for.

I have made the mistake before of fashioning something like one of the a la's and then been surprised when the screener feedback said "well we were looking for xxxx" which was present in the other a la's but not the one I chose to listen to most.

I am always learning here.

[DannyWeber]

Andy, I listened to all of them briefly but as soon as I heard the Gloriana tune I was immediately inspired. I thought if I tried too hard to sound as they do, I might tend to write a cliche lyric or melody. Do you have a process for writing those great tunes I hear on your page that might be helpful in my writing songs specifically for listings?


CONTEMPORARY COUNTRY SONGS that would appeal to the fans of Gloriana, Thompson Square, Edens Edge, etc., are needed by the Director of A&R at a Major Nashville Label to pitch to a number of their awesome artists. He's looking for Country hits that will work for a small band. Melodies need to be engaging, with harmonies that will work well with a male and female vocal. Mid-to-Up Tempo songs only, please. Male and female vocals (together) will give you an edge for this pitch, but they're not absolutely necessary. Vocal and instrumental presentation must be solid in order to help sell the song. Please submit one to three songs online or per CD, include lyrics. All submissions will be screened and critiqued by TAXI and must be received no later than Monday, September 30, 2013.