Healing In His Scars - Christian

[dtrainddog]

Hi everyone,

I'm looking for feedback on this song good or what needs to be improves on. Is the idea unique enough for it to get cut? My goals are to have it cut by a Southern Gospel or Christian group. Thanks for your time.

Listen to Healing In His Scars by Darin Martin on #SoundCloud
https://on.soundcloud.com/Y3qrM

Writers
Darin Martin - (Lyrics)
Dave Nicastro - (Music Production)

(v1)
Are the tears in your eyes your best friends tonight
Does your heart ache so much that you’re too tired to fight
When fear haunts you with the mistakes you can’t forget
And you long for one more chance to fix choices you regret

(Chorus)
There’s healing in His scars
He’s there when you need a friend
He’ll restore your broken heart
There’s no hurt Jesus can’t mend
There's nothing you can do
To change His love for you
He’s holding you in His arms
There is healing in His scars

(V2)
When you can’t see and the darkness tries to hide His face
And you think you’re too far gone to receive His grace
When you feel like a ruined sinner with no place to go
And you think God doesn’t care, He wants you to know

(Repeat Chorus)

(Bridge)
You can have freedom if you let Him heal your pain
Give all your burdens to Him then He will break your chains

(Repeat Chorus)

[cosmicdolphin]

Not sure if this is for a specific listing as it's usually easier to give feedback context of any reference tracks provided but generally for songs that you want to get cut by other artists they need to sound like a finished record whereas this comes across as a piano/vocal demo.

As an atheist I can't comment on the lyrics but melodically it seems well written if a little old fashioned. Maybe that's reflective the genre but without any references it's hard to say.

Mark

[SpecialGuestVillain]

Hello. Lyrically, the song is very simplistic, with quite a few cliches. Gospel songs are similar to love songs in that there’s millions of them and they're pretty much all the same.

When writing love and Gospel tunes, the trick is to repeat ideas that are both old and universal, but to present them in a fresh way with structure, rhyme, imagery, and metaphor.

[PnoManLV]

I like this song. As a pianist, I applaud your well-produced piano track! I wish i could get my piano tracks to sound half that good! (I am stuck wrestling with virtual instruments).
I agree with the previous observations - especially about creating a full production. And I think you could benefit from finding one very clever turn of phrase that really shines, and sets the lyric apart from the "crowd".

Going a little deeper, some of the vocal phrasing seems distracting to me. (Chorus) "in His scars", 'need a friend", "broken heart", "you can do", "love for you" phrasing sounds rushed, and distracts me from the flow.
Instead of "inHisscars _" maybe try "inHis _ scars" (hold "His" a sixteenth longer) or "love _ for you" (holding "love" a sixteenth longer). That feels less choppy to me, more in the flow.

The melody in the bridge seems to kind of turn the beat upside down. Could you make four lines out of the lyric, and set them more equally into the four bars?

The song is definitely worth a little more effort!

[SusanAnnNorberg]

I like it. I'm not an expert as far as genres and melodies however lyrically, as a fellow writer, I think it would have greater emotional impact were a written in the first person rather than the third person. For example change all of your pronouns from he, his, Jesus to pronouns such as my, or I. Example in your chorus it would read:


(Chorus)
There’s healing in my scars
I'm here when you need a friend
I’ll restore your broken heart
There’s no hurt I cannot mend
There's nothing you can do
To change my love for you
I'll hold you in my arms
There is healing in my scars

This is just my opinion but I think you do have something here. I would work with it. But then I often question whether I have any business being here. LOL good luck

[AlanHall]

I love the piano, and for a demo, I don't think this is too under-produced. There's plenty of piano/vocal church songs out there (especially if you're thinking of getting the sheet music into the hands of music directors at the local level). That said, an arrangement of BG vocals (of one or more voices) could add a great deal and still be attainable on an average Sunday morning.

I agree that the melody needs work for all the reasons mentioned above, especially the phrasing in the verses. The first notes of the bridge are at the same pitch level as the chorus; it needs to really 'lift' there to be heard as a bridge at all. I heard the chorus as almost a pre-chorus on my first listen.

Susan makes a good point. There are songs that sing from Jesus' POV. Just to be different, I might be tempted to make the sufferer POV in the first person, such as "my tears are all I have..." or something like that.

I encourage you to rewrite the lyrics paying attention to what has the most emotional impact, and get the phrasing smoother to avoid the gaps and rushes. Then be intentional about where the melody goes - not ending all the lines on the same note for example - and making the transitions support the emotion of the lyric. Keep it up, great work!

[irthlingz]

The tears in my eyes are my best friends tonight
Though my heart aches so much that I'm too tired to fight
Fear haunts me with mistakes I can’t forget
And I long for one more chance to fix choices I regret
And yet I know

There’s healing in His scars
He’s there when I need a friend
He restores my broken heart
There’s no hurt Jesus can’t mend
There's nothing I can do or be
To change His love for me
He’s holding me in His arms
There is healing in His scars

===
your to take or leave!
Michael

[dtrainddog]

Thank you all so much for your feedback. We might try to make if from Jesus' point of view and change the chorus a little bit. A song coach suggested don’t be afraid to bring the listener back to the foot of the cross. I'll see if we need to add 2 more lines in the bridge or not. Now I'm thinking maybe the title should be "Healing In My Scars." The listener laying their burdens down at Jesus' feet and surrendering their life to Him. Jesus has been where they are and He feels their hurt ? ? ?

[cosmicdolphin]

Now I'm thinking maybe the title should be "Healing In My Scars."

Just " Healing Scars " would be sufficient IMHO

[Guitarhacker23]

Nice song.

I enjoyed it. Is this a pitch to any particular listing or just a general overall "give me feedback"?