Hello My Friends

[53mph]

I'd appreciate feedback on this one. I'm on the process of doing as rough recording so things can be moved around. ThanksHello My Friends(2006)(Instrumental Intro)(verse)Hello my friends,So happy to see you again,It’s been a long time,You’ve all been away so long.(verse)Hello my friends,We have old business to attend,So let’s raise a toast,To all of you who came.(Bridge)The night grows long,And people’ve come and gone.There’s only one thing left to do,And I’ll get to that real soon.(verse)So hello my friends,I know it’s hard to comprehend,We’ve all taken different roads,Yet they all lead back to here.(verse)Hello my friends,The hour grows near to it’s end.There’s one last thing,Before you all go.(Bridge)The night grows long,And people have come and gone,There’s only one thing left to clear,So lend me all an ear. (And I might as well say it here)*(Chorus)You’re my friends,‘Cause friendship never ends.You’re my friends,And will be so till the end.I’ve got friends like theseWhen I’m in need.(Instrumental Bridge same as intro)(verse)Goodbye my friends,This night has drawn to an end.The bar has now closed.And the lights have all come on,(verse)So goodbye my friends,We really must do this again.What are friends for?If not to raise some hell.(Bridge)The hour grows long,People’ve come and gone. But before we all depart,Let’s sing it from the heart.(Chorus)You’re my friends,And will be so till the end.You’re my friends,Our friendships never end.I've got friends like these,When I'm in need.And you've got friends like these,When you’re in need.(*perhaps this expression is a bit too archaic so I've included an alternative)

[53mph]

I've put a rough demo of this song up on my broadjam site so people can hear the phrasing etc of the lyrics. It's very basic but I thought I'd try to get the ball rolling for some feedback.www.broadjam.com/53mphThere's even the appearance of a ukelele in this one.

[bitwhys]

I appreciate the sentiment but overall it strikes me as rather temporally challenged. The thought progression may seem a little less laboured to me if the lyrics spoke from a point in time rather than dragging the audience through the entire last part of the evening.It could use some nip and tuck. some of it seems kind of aggressive or assumptive in attitude. for example..."You’ve all been away so long."could read more gently if it said"We've been apart too long."That sort of thing. couple lines I disagree with1) "I know it’s hard to comprehend,We’ve all taken different roads,"last time I was at a reunion the it wasn't hard to comprehend at all, in fact that and it feeling like we haven't missed a beat at the same time was the best part!2) "If not to raise some hell."sticks out in an otherwise gentle song.one man's opinion

[53mph]

Thanks BitWhys.That was a very useful crit and has given me some food for thought.I'm rewriting the song and will definately use your advice.Thanks

[edteja]

I agree that the message is drawn out and a bit fuzzy. You imply that there will be something more to what you want to tell your friends than simplyYou’re my friends,And will be so till the end.You’re my friends,Our friendships never end.While that is a good sentiment, the buildup implies more like you are going to say "I'm dying, please take of my dog." (Just teasing. Should be something specific, however.) Otherwise it doesn't go anywhere beyond the initial hello. Think about what you would say to these people if it was the last time you were going to see them.I like the uke.

[53mph]

Thanks Ed.I originally wrote it with the idea in mind of it being a goodbye song from some-one whose dying, but then I thought that idea was a bit bleak for such a mellow song and rewrote it.But now, I now think I'll probably rewrite it back in.I think I'll have 2 versions. One the Sufjan Stevens style mournful song, and the other a pleasent "you're my friends and I love you" type of song..the type of song I can sing at my wedding when I get all my friends together for the first time in years (perhaps this year or next).....:)Thanks for the crit.BTW I discovered the uke in my mothers attic recently and I've now got a real thing for it. It was missing tuning pegs and needed a change of strings. I couldn't find anywhere in Italy that sold parts for ukeleles. I had to get them from the UK. It's all mandolins here, no ukes.