Help me get a forward next time

[ComposerLDG]

Hi all, wondered if I could get an ear or two on this return? It was for the "breaking news listing." The screener said it felt more like an underscore and that the intensity should remain throughout, and I understand that, yet I did write parts of it assuming a reporter would be talking over it. Anyway, I felt good about this one but missed, so any input on what to have done differently would be great.

Many thanks!

The song is https://soundcloud.com/ldigiorgi/this-just-in

D170918BR

DRAMATIC “Breaking News” INSTRUMENTALS are U-R-G-E-N-T-L-Y needed by a successful Music Library that’s placed tons of tracks in TV shows. They’re looking for exciting, hard-hitting Instrumentals that would work well for Breaking News segment lead-ins. Please listen to the following references to get an idea of what could work for this pitch: “CNN Breaking News” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iL3ucaYcUZ8 “Variations of NBC Special Report Intro” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ECq3NqluCaQ “CBS Special Report” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FQ_mytexlJ0 “Breaking News Theme” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IF82UnHnPZE Please send them well-crafted Instrumentals with a dramatic sound and style that has a sense of urgency and import. If you’re using Virtual Instruments or samples, please make sure they’re of the highest quality. Anything that sounds stiff or obviously MIDI-driven won’t work well for this request. Think about what you might hear when the TV cuts to an urgent “Breaking News” broadcast and the Newscaster reads “This just in…”, that’s the kind of stuff they’re looking for! All submissions should be about 1:00 in length (give or take), with Non-Faded, Stinger endings. Do NOT copy the references in any way, shape, or form. Use them only as a general guide for tempo, tone, texture and overall vibe. Broadcast Quality is needed (great sounding home recordings are fine.) This company offers an EXCLUSIVE deal, so please make sure the Instrumentals you submit aren’t already signed to any another libraries or catalogs. The Library will get 100% of the Publisher’s share. You’ll get 100% of the writer’s share and a portion of the sync fee (TBD). You must own or control your Master and Composition to submit to this pitch. Please submit as many Instrumentals as you’d like, online or per CD. All submissions will be screened on a Yes/No basis – Short critiques only. Submissions must be received no later than 11:59PM (PDT), on Monday, September 18th, 2017. TAXI #D170918BR

[funsongs]

Hi Loren.
Right off the bat, I would suggest speeding up the tempo - and here's my reason:
while the composition sounds right-enough, it doesn't make my heart-rate go up... not enough sense of urgency, that one might expect
"Breaking News" would want to instill.
If you have the program that lets you up the BPM on your track - try at adding at least 10 BPM... or whatever it takes until you feel "rushed" by it.
Make the screener feel uncomfortable by it!
My 2 cents.

[ComposerLDG]

Excellent advice, Peter, thank you!

[Len911]

The examples had a short phrase that repeated throughout, with sections going in and out, but maintained the main phrase, yours started that way, the first 10 seconds, then dropped out when another section entered. Also your phrase seemed almost Arabic. Usually the reporter doesn't speak over the music, it quits first.

[steveboy]

Hey Loren! Nice track! Other than having seen the news now for about 40 years I know squat about this genre, but my first thought was to dry up the reverb on the whole thing, particularly the main string melody. You might also add an orchestral snare sample to the percussion playing the same rhythm figure. I feel like I'm missing some zing in the percussive drive. And you might try running that primary string melody through some sort of distortion plug, blending in just a little. More of a feel thing than actual dirt.

Good luck with it! I'd love to hear a revised version if you do one. I'd like to tackle one of these at some point.

[ComposerLDG]

Thanks for the listens and suggestions, everyone! Back to the drawing board with this one.

Appreciate the feedback!

-Loren

[mikehamm123]

I liked it a lot but it did sound too "Arabic" to me as well--also the arrangement didn't make me think 'news show'.

I would keep this in your pocket and rework it for a future action cue listing.

[ComposerLDG]

All excellent advice and suggestions. Thank you all for the listen and feedback!

Write, submit, REWRITE.....you know the rest