Here Come Mr. Booze

[ottlukk]

Here's a song that I had demoed twice, but has never been forwarded. The country version is track 11 on my site, the pop/rock version is track 3. Personally, I prefer the country version. Any comments as to how to make it more commercial would be appreciated. http://www.myspace.com/suspendedspidersongs
Ott

Here Come Mr. Booze
Written by Ott Lukk

I hear your words of sweetness, how you will always care
how you will always love me; if I need you, you’ll be there
but I don’t really trust you, ‘cause I’ve heard those words before
so I’ll visit with my friends, they will give me so much more

CHORUS
Yeah, here come Mr. Booze! he makes me warm inside
and he helps disguise, all those feelings I should hide
and here comes Mr.Powder, like a snowdrift filled with light
I will pass on kisses, for this snow filled with the light

I’ve seen your look in many eyes, the heat of hot desire
and I still do remember, how that look could bring me fire
but the morning brought me ashes, ‘cause no one ever stayed
so I’ll visit with my friends, for they won’t go away

CHORUS
Yeah, here come Mr. Booze! he makes me warm inside
and he helps disguise, all those feelings I should hide
and here comes Mr.Powder, like a snowdrift filled with light
I will pass on kisses, for this snow filled with the light

I will kiss the frosty glass, if it has an amber hue
and it will always kiss me back, not tell me what to do
I’ll have another cigarette, and as the smoke curls ‘round my eyes
I won’t have to wonder, if words are truth or lies

CHORUS
Yeah, here come Mr. Booze! he makes me warm inside
and he helps disguise, all those feelings I should hide
and here comes Mr.Powder, like a snowdrift filled with light
I will pass on kisses, for this snow filled with the light

I see you reaching for me, ‘cause I’m a drug to you
and I could bring you pleasure, in the magic things I do
but I don’t really want to, and here’s the reason why:
why bother with your kiss, when my friends will get me high?

CHORUS
Yeah, here come Mr. Booze! he makes me warm inside
and he helps disguise, all those feelings I should hide
and here comes Mr.Powder, like a snowdrift filled with light
I will pass on kisses, for this snow filled with the light

TAG
Yeah, I, will pass on kisses, for this snow -- filled – with -- the light!

© 2008 Ott Lukk

[bucyboy]

Hey Ott, Are you looking to pitch this to TV/Film or to an artist? To me it sounds strange hearing a woman wanting to go out and get drunk after a break-up. It seems like it's usually the guy who drowns his sorrows in a smoky bar. Nothing wrong with this, but maybe that would make a country artist/label shy away from it. When I heard the chorus lyric, "Here comes Mr. Powder", and "Snow filled with light", I assume you're talking about cocaine, and I can't see any country artist singing that line. Times are changing but I don't think any label is going to let their investment sing that line. The song is also a bit on the long side. Maybe you could cut the third verse and do another chorus? The last verse also says "My friends will get me high". Seems the whole song is about using drugs and alcohol to feel better over a break-up. Again, I really don't think any label that invests thousands of dollars in a country artist would ever let them sing a song like this. The other pop/blues version maybe, but not a country song.

Again, this are just my opinions and first impressions.

Buc

[fret17]

Hi Ott....I must agree with Buc on this one ..but as a song I think it's well written...the verse melody sounds like "Tight fitting Jeans" to me though.....

[waltl]

Ott,

I agree with the other comments. The lyrics are really good, but the subject matter is an issue. I can think of only one country song that referred to cocaine -- Johnny Cash's "Cocaine Blues" -

Early one mornin' while makin' the rounds
I took a shot of cocaine and I shot my woman down
I went right home and I went to bed I stuck that lovin' 44 beneath my head

I think only Cash could get away with a song like that.

Also, though I have heard male singers sing about drinking, I can't think of a female singer doing that. I would go with a male singer.

One other point: The title is "Here comes Mr. Booze," but the line that gets repeated the most is about the powder/light. It seems to me that that line should be the title. Or, as an alternative, get rid of the lines about cocaine and make the song just about booze.

Walt

[ottlukk]

Buc:
First of all, females can be just as much messed up as males. This song is about a lady I once knew. Second, you're right, it's too long. Third, you say it's about people who use drugs and alcohol to make themselves feel better. Actually, there's a whole bunch of people who do that. You are absolutely right that a country singer would never do this, something I realized after I had the country version demoed, and before I'd figured out proper marketing. That's why I did the second demo in pop/rock. I can't imagine that an artist like Amy Winehouse would have any problem doing this song. Do appreciate your comments, at any rate.
Fret:
Never heard of "Tight Fitting Jeans". Could you reference the artist? Thanks for listening!
Waltl:
It''s been my experience that females can drink just as hard as males. Also, if you take a careful listen to the lyrics (like them or not), there is no way a male singer could pull them off. Appreciate your listen. Ott

[bucyboy]

Hey Ott, I do agree that women can be just as messed up as a man. I also agree that people use alcohol and drugs to make themselves feel better or to escape from their troubles. In your post you asked for comments on how to make the song more commercial. That's all I was commenting on. You also said you prefer the country version. I think with a rewrite, this song could be made more commercial for a country listing. You could also submit it as is for TV/film. Unlike radio, I think in TV and film the song just needs to fit what's taking place in the story. That's why I asked what you were trying to do with it. I enjoy your material.

Best of luck,

Buc

[waltl]

Ott,

Here's one other thought. If you put the song in the third person, then the singer isn't singing about herself; she's singing about someone else (an actual person or a fictional person):

She hears your words of sweetness, how you will always care
how you will always love her; if she needs you, you’ll be there
but she doesn't really trust you, ‘cause she's heard those words before
so she'll visit with her friends, they will give her so much more

Blake Shelton did that with "The More I Drink." He sings about a guy who drinks too much and makes a fool of himself, but the guy (presumably) is not Shelton:

He was sittin’ at the bar, sippin’ on a regular Coke
We were drinkin’ and smokin’ and makin’ him the butt of our jokes
We all said, “Man, what happened to you? Why can’t you just have a few?”
He said, “I would if I could, but it’s probably best that I don’t.”

Chorus- Cause the more I drink, the more I drink
Yeah, I’m the world’s greatest lover and a dancin’ machine
I get loud, I get proud....and it gets worse
Well if I have one, I’ll have thirteen
Naw, there ain’t no in-between
Cause, the more I drink, the more I drink.

Walt

[ChristopherSwain]

Hi Ott

The production and song are cool

I though the lyrics don't match the song as i was expecting, I am sort of listening thinking, did she just say that, I am expecting her to say "the weather good in southerm California" because the guitar is so set up of a commerical lyric.

Now a fella at work gave me a poem about drugs and brooze and boy did I make the chords and sound match the lyrics.

I personally love dark lyrics though, I almost want this sound to sound evil a little

[ottlukk]

Buc:
I appreciate your comments. I'd say this would be aimed at film/TV.
Waltl:
Interesting suggestion. My problem here (and I do consider points of view) is that the third person, at least from my point of view, would not work for this chorus. Thanks for the additional comment!
Christopher:
Thanks for the "cool" comment, and for listening. But, I'm confused as to your other comments. "the guitar is set up as a commercial lyric" . . ."boy did I make the chords and sound match the lyrics" . . . ? Guitars don't do lyrics, and I am trying to make the chords & sound match the lyrics . . . isn't that a plus?
Thanks for posting!
Ott

[ChristopherSwain]

hi

I'm not sure if I explained myself well

I think maybe the lyrics are really forward.

I think with a tender song instrumental like this you could make it a more hidden meaning.

When I heard the lyrics here comes "Mr Booze" I though of Barny from the Simpson, fat, smelly belching man, beating his wife.

Mr Powder is a very strong obvious reference to coke.

From the tone of the song I was feeling that she wouldn't call him Mr Powder she would over look that and say something deep and emotional.

I would have liked the song to be about drugs and alcohol but let me work it out, rather then telling me so forwardly.

e.g. the lyric's

Here comes my whole world, he makes me warm inside, and he helps disguise, all those feelings I should hide.

Even just removing the Mr Booze makes it more mysterious showing a lot of love but also hurt. Where as Mr Booze has a bit of a shock value which might detract from the other lyrics.

Personally speaking, a friend sent me a poem about alcohol and drugs, I wrote a song called change. Apparently it is lyrically my best song, but I took out all his references to Alcohol and drugs as I wanted the listener to connect to the lyrics emotion knowing what its about without me telling them.

I love sad lyrics, one of my favourite ever songs is by a guy dying on heroin addiction, in his most famous song he talks about how its killing him, and the battle, but he doesn't reference it directly, know what its about but because he doesn't reference I can connect to the hurt and suffering better.

As a reference in this video he is almost dying already, he pretty much disapeared after this and eventually died of an overdose:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3px0m1Y9Tuc

Other then the lyrics in a few places, the rest of the song is great.