How Soon?

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stewwalker
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How Soon?

Post by stewwalker » Tue Oct 26, 2021 2:53 pm

Hi all

I'd appreciate any feedback you have on these lyrics for a country song I'm working on - thanks!

HOW SOON?
==========

V1
Baby when you broke my heart
We were both so young 
Thought I would get over you
By singing some sad songs 
After all this time my old mind 
Don’t know those songs no more 
I hope soon I forget you
Like I forgot those chords

CHORUS
How soon, how soon
How soon will it be
Till all that’s left of you in my brain
Is this here melody?
How soon, how soon
How soon till my beer
Ain’t got that salty bitter taste
Of my falling tears?
They say time heals all wounds
But what they don’t tell you
Is how soon

V2
Baby since you broke my heart
I’ve been in and out of love
It always ends up the same way
Those girls don’t measure up
I know it ain’t fair to compare
That perfect picture in my brain
But I make the same mistake 
Again and again

REPEAT CHORUS

BRIDGE
If my brain was a hard disk 
A nerd could reformat it
Maybe I need counselling
Then I would no longer sing

REPEAT CHORUS

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Re: How Soon?

Post by songmaster » Wed Oct 27, 2021 5:11 am

Hi. I think you have a good idea of how this song should go. I think everyone has a long lost love. Here is what I think might help the focus a little. In the chorus you say:

How soon, how soon
How soon will it be
Till all that's left of you in my brain
Is THIS here melody

In the first verse you say " Thought I would get over you by singing some sad SONGS"

So you have "this here melody" and "singing some sad songs" Here is how I would change the first verse.

Baby when you broke my heart
We were both so young
Thought I would get over you
But then I hear OUR SONG.

So if there is just one song that you both loved, I think it has more impact. You could even name the song, like Blake Shelton's "God Gave Me You" that way the listener can relate even more.

Anyway, just my 2 cents. Nice song, everyone loves a love song!

Tom

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AlanHall
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Re: How Soon?

Post by AlanHall » Wed Oct 27, 2021 9:08 am

Maybe an easier fix is to change the chorus line like this:

How soon, how soon
How soon will it be
Till all that's left of you in my brain
Is some old melody

which allows the verse to remain intact? I like the image in the verse of the singer/protagonist losing himself in the singing of sad songs. I've certainly done that myself :oops:

Keep up the good work!

edit: I'm a little put off by the bridge, not sure why. Maybe the abrupt change in tone from "country" to "nerdy/technospeak"?

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Re: How Soon?

Post by stewwalker » Wed Oct 27, 2021 2:17 pm

Hi Tom

Thanks for the constructive feedback.

The reason for "this here melody" in the chorus is that in the second half of verse 1 it mentions that the sad songs sung after the breakup have been forgotten, and so "this here melody" is the song being sung now after all the other memories have hopefully gone one day.

Having said that, you might be onto something! I'll give it some more thought :)

Thanks again

Stew
songmaster wrote:
Wed Oct 27, 2021 5:11 am
Hi. I think you have a good idea of how this song should go. I think everyone has a long lost love. Here is what I think might help the focus a little. In the chorus you say:

How soon, how soon
How soon will it be
Till all that's left of you in my brain
Is THIS here melody

In the first verse you say " Thought I would get over you by singing some sad SONGS"

So you have "this here melody" and "singing some sad songs" Here is how I would change the first verse.

Baby when you broke my heart
We were both so young
Thought I would get over you
But then I hear OUR SONG.

So if there is just one song that you both loved, I think it has more impact. You could even name the song, like Blake Shelton's "God Gave Me You" that way the listener can relate even more.

Anyway, just my 2 cents. Nice song, everyone loves a love song!

Tom

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Re: How Soon?

Post by stewwalker » Wed Oct 27, 2021 2:20 pm

Hi Alan

Thanks for the constructive feedback too :)

I think you're right about the bridge, so I've changed it to this...

Could be time to make the call
Take your pictures off the wall
Go and get some counselling
So then I'll no longer sing

Cheers

Stew
AlanHall wrote:
Wed Oct 27, 2021 9:08 am
Maybe an easier fix is to change the chorus line like this:

How soon, how soon
How soon will it be
Till all that's left of you in my brain
Is some old melody

which allows the verse to remain intact? I like the image in the verse of the singer/protagonist losing himself in the singing of sad songs. I've certainly done that myself :oops:

Keep up the good work!

edit: I'm a little put off by the bridge, not sure why. Maybe the abrupt change in tone from "country" to "nerdy/technospeak"?

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AlanHall
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Re: How Soon?

Post by AlanHall » Wed Oct 27, 2021 6:55 pm

+1

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Re: How Soon?

Post by songmaster » Thu Oct 28, 2021 6:41 am

Hi Stew! I understand where you're going. Also, I am glad that you changed the bridge. Sometimes I send my songs to a Nashville song coach and she is very picky about over using a word. I know it's a small thing, but before you changed the bridge, you had the word "brain" in the song three times, which might be too much for any song. I am guilty of the same thing. I guess less brains is more :lol:

Tom

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