I'm new I;m 51 be Gentle

[lopc]

Lyle.... "Take that time, jeep...they always say that good songs are never written--they're re-written."Casey H......."Don't write what you want to say, write what other people want to hear"... (I've made a lot of mistakes in that area in the past)Truer words, truer words......................There's one more quote- "Your best song is in front of you." I believe that reinforces Lyle's quote. One suggestion, maybe don't get to far away from the original intent, just concentrate on finding another way to say it. Trust me, I've taken songs that started out with a solid idea and rewrote them into obscurity. I will most likely continue down that path with most all my stuff, but leave a light on in the window in case you want to go back. One more thing, When the Last Petal Falls is a strong enough hook to work into the last line of the verses and maybe the first and last lines of the chorus. Try it just for grins.

[jeep]

Ok I think I made it a little less depressing by adding a bridge does this work better if not I'll keep working at it til I get it right.....V The Last Petal Falls 02/10/ 08Started out dinner for two 7 A long term relationship 7When she said I do 5 Kids now on the way 5A mortgage and bills to pay 7 Grabbed a rose for her today 7 And watched a petal Fall ChorusShe said you used to always call 8I thought you loved what you saw 7 Now you may find yourself alone 8For all that’s left is the thorn 7 When the Last Petal FallsvNow There’s trouble with the car 7 So can anything else go wrong 7Kids are always gone 5Wife is out with friends 5How did it all start to end 7Grabbed a rose for her today 7And watched a petal FallChorusShe said you used to always call 8I thought you loved what you saw 7 Now you may find yourself alone 8For all that’s left is the thorn 7 When the Last Petal Falls

[lopc]

Hey Jeepster. In my opinion, FWIIW, the song works better without the bridge. That's just me. A thought for a chorus change that will probably really have you beating your head against the wall, if you aren't already. I wrote it with music in my head for the piece, and it will fit, only a little different than your structure:ChorusIt seems that when the first petal fallsAll the others are never far behindToo soon the beauty of the rose is lostTo repair hearts broken over timeSilent screams echo off the wallsWhen the last petal fallsI think it is intented to be a high bar country work, so maybe go with a strong hook (which you have), and work around it in the last lines of the verse, first and last lines of the chorus. You might also try working it a reference to a "she loves me, she loves me not" kinda thing in a verse, but think it through and keep it tight. I mixed up the rhyme scheme of the chorus because I thing it makes it a little more interesting than going for rhyming words back-to-back in lines. Hope this helps.Yours in music,Lopc/Barney

[jeep]

Your right my head hurts nowv1She was standing therewith just her sultry hairblowing in the windthats when i said to herI dont want this to endso here's a rose for youkeep it til the last petal fallsand then your chorusChorusIt seems that when the first petal fallsAll the others are never far behindToo soon the beauty of the rose is lostTo repair hearts broken over timeSilent screams echo off the wallsWhen the last petal fallsvgive me time to say