I Wanna Be Loved

[irwin]

I'll really appreciate feedback, particularly over all on this song I'll take your comments into consideration, been working on it rewriting the music for a better production, I want to please my music listeners.

https://soundcloud.com/irwin-abrigo/i-w ... -new-track

[jaywilliams]

Irwin hey interesting track you got going there, I do like the feel and groove but it's significantly lacking in structure.

The vocals and tempo are giving it kind of a lounge/chill club vibe, you've got it labelled as pop.

I think this is one of those tracks you can either re-work it dramatically to turn it into something that it's currently not.

Or you can leave it be what it is and maybe tweak it a little.

If you're going to tweak it I would suggest the following small changes:

- longer intro - the introduction of the vocal hook felt abrupt to me, maybe hold off another 4 bars or so

- move the "house next door" section towards the front of the track, I think thematically it would work better that way, introduce the "come see me next door" idea early, the listener wonders why, what's going on next door? then the answer comes - she wants to be loved!

- experiment with some panning effects to create a little more motion in the track

Those are my initial thoughts.

If it were my own track I would let it be what it is, and maybe tweak it a little, but the choice is yours.

Hope that helps, best of luck!

Jay

[pianodanno]

Neat Rhythm and Bass!

The synth you are using. Is it a chord type synth where you press one key and it plays the harmonies too? It's a cool synth, but I think I'd like to hear it in a monophonic way.

You got this!

[irwin]

Hi Irwin, to me it almost seems as if the percussion/bass and the vocals compete to determine what the song is going to be like - somewhat disconnected, but interfering with one another. There is something Björk-ish to the vocals (or even the piece), and the vocals sound almost like a sample rather than recorded for the beat at hand. Again, there is a somewhat chilled vibe to it, like in your last piece. Overall, it sounds pretty stripped down - maybe another instrument should be added to support melody? Personally, I would try to make the percussion/bass more consistent throughout, giving it more structure. I guess the big question is, where do you want to go with it? What style/genre are you aiming at? What audience/market are you thinking of? Tom

Hi Tom, You have made some strong points here of which I do take notice of (I do listen to you guys advice when it is given)

I'm not very good with genres so, I'll leave that for others to say. What I am aiming for is a charting market mostly pop (maybe top 100).

Thank you very much for taking the time to listen to my song.

Irwin

[irwin]

- move the "house next door" section towards the front of the track, I think thematically it would work better that way, introduce the "come see me next door" idea early, the listener wonders why, what's going on next door? then the answer comes - she wants to be loved!


Jay

Hi Jay William, Nice to meet you and glad to know you like my track.

You caught my interest with your creative suggestion above for I didn't thought about that (and as a songwriter I ask myself why couldn't I have thought of it) anyway it a wonderful idea and I thank you for listening to my song and for giving your input/thoughts I appreciate a lot.

Irwin

[jaywilliams]

Irwin sure thing man I like the track a lot it reminds me somewhat of a little mix I did a couple years back.

Best of luck and please let me know if you re-work the track, I'd love to hear the updated version.

Jay

[irwin]

Irwin sure thing man I like the track a lot it reminds me somewhat of a little mix I did a couple years back.

Best of luck and please let me know if you re-work the track, I'd love to hear the updated version.

Jay

Hi Jay Williams, Hope you're good for I am good too.

The reason I am reaching out to you is to let you know that I want to use your idea for my song "move the "house next door" section towards the front of the track" (Your idea)

Ok....What I need to know now is....Do I have to share my song with you as a co-write, because I want to use your idea?

Irwin

P.S. I have not re-work the track, well... not yet.

[jaywilliams]

The reason I am reaching out to you is to let you know that I want to use your idea for my song "move the "house next door" section towards the front of the track" (Your idea)

Ok....What I need to know now is....Do I have to share my song with you as a co-write, because I want to use your idea?

Irwin

Irwin hi

Thanks so much for thinking of this.

I offer the suggestion Freely for you to use or ignore as you see fit, no credit necessary.

I like your style, so I'm open for a co-write if you want to get something going on a different track just let me know!

Best of luck!

Jay

[irwin]

The reason I am reaching out to you is to let you know that I want to use your idea for my song "move the "house next door" section towards the front of the track" (Your idea)

Ok....What I need to know now is....Do I have to share my song with you as a co-write, because I want to use your idea?

Irwin

Irwin hi

Thanks so much for thinking of this.

I offer the suggestion Freely for you to use or ignore as you see fit, no credit necessary.

I like your style, so I'm open for a co-write if you want to get something going on a different track just let me know!

Best of luck!

Jay

Oh yes Jay. Two heads are better than one and, I do need some help with some of my instrumental compositions and commercial pop songs so, to collaborate with you sounds very much excited. I think this could be electrified into some good productions.

In a few days I will post to you a song that I've composed (and with this song I can really do with some help)

When collaborating, I would like to hear the song first than talk.

Please let me know what is your way when collaboration so that we can reach each other half way.

irwin

[jaywilliams]

Oh yes Jay. Two heads are better than one..

Please let me know what is your way when collaboration so that we can reach each other half way.

irwin

Hey Irwin I just sent you a message on soundcloud with my email address.

Let's do this!

Jay