I Want My Virginity Back!

[ottlukk]

Dean: Thanks for your comments, I appreciate them. I realize that the chorus lines are not "conversational". Whenever I read a book that includes writing for "country", they inevitably tell you to make your lyrics "conversational". Here's the interesting thing. I have a teen-age daughter. She and her friends use the modifier "so" quite often. Whether referring to a male or female or an inanimate object, many things are modified by the word "so". To them, it's "conversational". So that's where I probably got the idea that "so" would fit. You're right about a lift in the chorus. You might have noticed that in the last chorus, the singer went up on the word "right". I was so impressed I e-mailed her and thanked her; I thought it added a lot. Thanks for listening!Ott

[heinsite]

hey Ott--i like the tune, but think the bridge is very weak however, both musically and lyrically.i get the tune, and i'm male....nothin' wrong with liking the honest feeling of...well...feeling. i get that's why she wants it back...but again....i'm male, and maybe wrong...all the best,wh

[ottlukk]

Warren: Just because you're a certain gender doesn't mean your response is "wrong". I'd like to know if you have any thoughts as to how the bridge could be improved. The lyrics would be my fault; I wrote them. I thought a bit of "pleading" fit with the rest of the song. Thanks for the input!Ott

[deantaylor]

Oct 3, 2009, 3:48pm, ottlukk wrote:Dean: Thanks for your comments, I appreciate them. I realize that the chorus lines are not "conversational". Whenever I read a book that includes writing for "country", they inevitably tell you to make your lyrics "conversational". Here's the interesting thing. I have a teen-age daughter. She and her friends use the modifier "so" quite often. Whether referring to a male or female or an inanimate object, many things are modified by the word "so". To them, it's "conversational". So that's where I probably got the idea that "so" would fit. You're right about a lift in the chorus. You might have noticed that in the last chorus, the singer went up on the word "right". I was so impressed I e-mailed her and thanked her; I thought it added a lot. Thanks for listening!Ott I should have said 'clunky' instead of 'conversational' .. i agree, not all lyrics need to be conversational.I know what you were going for with 'so' .. just didn't work for me. And the phrasing of the other line seemed too 'formal'/awkward ... out of place with the tone/style of the rest of the lyric, imo

[heinsite]

no no Ott--i was commenting on gender only because i did what i seldom do,,,,read the other comments first, and some mentioned gender one way or the other--it has absolutely NOTHING to do with the quality of the song, which i said i liked.ok, now i'll go back and try to do a better job on my critque, which admittedly was crappy, but i'm on 3 songs right now, and maybe shouldn't have commented at all...but i'll be back once i listen again.thanks,wh

[heinsite]

hi Ott--specifically, in my opinion, your bridge lyrics do NOTHING to add more insight to the song/characters/anything. it simply repeats what we already know. tha's why it doesn't have much impact at all IMHO.first, musically the bridge could stand to be a line or two longer, but it's your song, so i won't comment further on that...but i will comment on my 1 minute rewrite of your lyrics as the lines are now...i never do this, and i'm sure you won't be happy, but.."oh baby oh baby, don't give me a maybeyou know there's something i lackand baby it (OR BETTER IMHO) "YOU" left me so fast..."that's with your current structure, but what the hell do i know?the best,warren

[ottlukk]

hey Warren: I got stuck on the gender thing myself, sorry. I appreciate any comments I get. Certainly beats no feedback at all!Ott

[ottlukk]

Warren: I note that we both posted at exactly the same time Sunday evening, so I was unaware you'd posted your critique of the bridge. You suggest for the second line, "you know there's something I lack". I don't think this works because it's too ambiguous. It could imply a lack of virtue, of intelligence on the part of the singer. It almost asks the listener to make a value judgement, which is not the point of the song. Your suggestion as to the third line of the bridge "and baby you left me so fast" comes across as a complaint from her. In the first verse, she does nothing but compliment the guy. She's not a spurned woman, she's her own woman. She doesn't want the guy back, as she makes clear throughout the song. This woman is not whining, and that line could make it sound as if she is. At least that's my interpretation. I really appreciate you taking the time to make your comments. Also, I did try four lines in the bridge. I thought the three line structure broke up the rythm of the verse/chorus and gave a nice contrast in phrasing.Thanks again, Ott

[heinsite]

hi Ott--what the heck, let's bring this back to the top for more comments at a minimum...actually, i thought the entire song was rather obscure and fairly ambiguous to me--which i REALLY LIKE BTW. it's a bit of a mystery in many ways, not just my opinion. that's why i tried to offer some suggestions that were in that vein. but my friend, as always, these are our songs, and we know them best. and the listeners just try to do their/our best to help. no harm, no foul. all is good. all the best,wh

[mewziklvr]

Hey ott, wow your really stirred the pot here. I am with warren totally. I was thinking that the writer ultimatly knows best wich words, phrases, ect. bring out the soul of their work. I think it's just fine, for what it's worth. Sounds like my kinda girl anyway. Lol... Good work man.Dave.