Joke of the Minute...

[drew]

A man goes to a restaurant, orders some takeout, and sitsdown to wait for his food.While he waits, he grabs a handful of peanuts from the bowl on the counter, and as he starts to chew, he hears a voice say, "That's a beautiful tie, is that silk? Very NICE choice!"Wondering who made the comment, he looks around and doesn't see anyone nearby who could be speaking to him. With a shrug, he pops a few more peanuts into his mouth.Next he hears the voice say, "Those shoes are stylin', myman. Are they Italian leather? They look GRRREAT!"He whirls around again but sees no one near him. He glances nervously around and then at his shoes, which he tucks self-consciously under the seat.He grabs another handful of peanuts. This time the voicecontinues with, "That suit looks FANTASTIC! Is it an Armani? Very nice!"Quite shaken now, he immediately calls the waiter over and says, "Look. I keep hearing these voices telling me how great my tie, my shoes, and my suit look - what's up with that? Am I GOING CRAZY?""Oh," the waiter nonchalantly replies. "It's just the peanuts." "The PEANUTS?" the astonished man asks, staring at the bowl beside him."Yes," replies the waiter, "they're complimentary."

[nomiyah]

How did the guitarist manage to park in the handicap space?He put drumsticks on his dashboard.Nomiwww.nomiyah.com

[nomiyah]

i'm still laughing about the one: how do you tell there's a singer at the door? they can't find the key and they don't know when to come in. that made me laugh all day.

[drew]

A fly was buzzing along one morning when he saw a lawnmower someone had left out in their front yard. He flewover and sat on the handle, watching the children goingdown the sidewalk on their way to school.One little boy tripped on a crack and fell, spilling hislunch on the sidewalk. He picked himself up, put hislunch back in the bag and went on. But he missed a pieceof baloney. The fly had not eaten that morning and he sure was hungry. So he flew down and started eating thebologna. In fact he ate so much that he could not fly, sohe waddled across the sidewalk, across the lawn, up thewheel of the lawn mower, up the handle, and sat thereresting and watching the children.There was still some baloney laying there on the sidewalk.He was really stuffed, but that baloney sure did look good.Finally temptation got the best of him and he jumped offthe handle of the lawn mower to fly over to the baloney.But alas he was too full to fly and fell straight to theground... splat!The moral of this story is simple... don't fly off thehandle when you are full of baloney.

[drew]

A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas.After hearing about this extravagant gift, a friend of hissaid, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty four-wheel-drive vehicles.""She did," he replied. "But where was I going to find a fakeJeep?"

[hookstownbrown]

A guy walks into a supermarket and buys:One can of beans...One bag of fries...One pack of burgers...One tub of icecream...One cake...One stick of butter...And one pint of milk...He takes them to the checkout, the girl looks at what he has bought and says, "I'll bet you are single!"The guy sarcastically says. "Yes, how did you guess"?The girl replies, "Because you're an ugly bastard!"

[nomiyah]

I was sequencing on Sunday morning before the Super Bowl and had the idea for a joke. I probably should leave comedy alone and stick to music. But let's see if anyone gets it.Q: What did one producer say to another producer while playing a friendly game of football?A: 5, 21, 37, 53, 61 HIKE

[hookstownbrown]

Hehheh! Football rules!

[ernstinen]

Three young Indian braves were sitting around the campfire, discussing their tribe's traditions. The topic turned to how they were each named at birth.Hawk Flying In Sky said "I've been told that when our mother leaves the Medicine Man's tent after giving birth, the baby is named for the first animal that she sees.""Yes," said Running Horse, "I have heard that story, but I'm not sure it is true. Do you happen to know about this, Two Dogs F^cking?"

[nomiyah]

Ok, I guess nobody got the football joke. Here's one my son told me yesterday.Boy: Mom, do you love me?Mom: Of course I do, you're my son.Boy: Would you love me if I wasn't your son?Mom: Hmmm, probably not.