"Just Another Slap In The Face"

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Casey H
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"Just Another Slap In The Face"

Post by Casey H » Sat Nov 25, 2006 6:04 pm

old stuff... removed... ;)
Last edited by Casey H on Sun Mar 28, 2010 8:31 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: "Just Another Slap In The Face"

Post by michael11 » Sat Nov 25, 2006 10:28 pm

Quote:Hi I'd love to get some feedback on this one...http://www.broadjam.com/transmit/transm ... ndsq=1Just Another Slap In The Face © 2002 Words by Charles P. Hurowitz, Music by Charles P. Hurowitz, Justin King, and Justine Kaye Verse 1 Just another slap in the face For a girl who loved you You caught me with my cheek unturned And my inner soul exposed Just another slap in the face When you'd rather be alone Or maybe with somebody else I don't really care to know But I don't understand Changes this fast really startle me Verse 2 Just another slap in the face For a girl who waited Waited such a long long time Would have waited eternally It's just another In a chain of many I never asked that much of you What the hell did you want from me? But I don't understand Changes this fast really startle me Bridge I used to dream of you I used to dream of you A place to rest my head Verse 3 Just another slap in the face For a girl who loved you You caught me with my cheek unturned And my inner soul exposed But I don't understand Changes this fast really startle me Outro I used to dream of you I'd always be with you I used to dream of you I'd always be with you I used to dream of you I'd always be with you... CaseySome great ideas Casey and I love the verse and though you probably don't want to hear this I would have liked a "conventional" hook.Like the lyric and I like the vocal.mick.
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Re: "Just Another Slap In The Face"

Post by hummingbird » Sat Nov 25, 2006 11:33 pm

Great groove. I feel that energy drops on the refrain just when it should be picking up. I also feel like the vocals are a little too sweet (pop) for the music (alt rock) - I expected something more agressive given the lyrics. I think this song is about groove & attitude & needs more punch from the singer.I know what you mean by this line, "I don't really care to know" but because this phrase starts with "I don't really care" it seems to conflict with the strength of "another slap in the face".cheersHummin'bird
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Re: "Just Another Slap In The Face"

Post by Casey H » Sun Nov 26, 2006 4:20 am

Thanks Michael and 'Bird My own take on the song is that it has good lyric and groove but the lack of a chorus/hook is limiting.Michael: Why would I "not want to hear this?" That's what feedback is all about. 'Bird: I never thought about the line, "I don't really care to know." I was trying to say she knows he is not with her, so what difference does it make whether he is alone or with someone else? I appreciate your thoughts on it.This is one of those songs I did (in its first incarnation) in the early 80's and have never been able to let it go . I wrote it when I was dating this girl for months and very suddenly ("changes this fast really startle me") it all changed- she was not returning my calls, breaking dates, etc. One weekend, I was completely stood up by her, waiting for her call ("a girl who waited"), and that's what came out when I picked up my guitar. Later, I changed it to be a female-lead song; I thought the lyrics might have a more feminine feeling... OK, OK... I am secure enough as a man to admit I can get in touch with my feminine side... Explanations are just that, not defense or excuses if something doesn't work in the song. If I reviewed this myself as someone else's song, my comments would be similar to yours, M and 'B.Thanks again, Casey

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Re: "Just Another Slap In The Face"

Post by michael11 » Sun Nov 26, 2006 5:44 am

Quote:Thanks Michael and 'Bird My own take on the song is that it has good lyric and groove but the lack of a chorus/hook is limiting.Michael: Why would I "not want to hear this?" That's what feedback is all about. 'Bird: I never thought about the line, "I don't really care to know." I was trying to say she knows he is not with her, so what difference does it make whether he is alone or with someone else? I appreciate your thoughts on it.This is one of those songs I did (in its first incarnation) in the early 80's and have never been able to let it go . I wrote it when I was dating this girl for months and very suddenly ("changes this fast really startle me") it all changed- she was not returning my calls, breaking dates, etc. One weekend, I was completely stood up by her, waiting for her call ("a girl who waited"), and that's what came out when I picked up my guitar. Later, I changed it to be a female-lead song; I thought the lyrics might have a more feminine feeling... OK, OK... I am secure enough as a man to admit I can get in touch with my feminine side... Explanations are just that, not defense or excuses if something doesn't work in the song. If I reviewed this myself as someone else's song, my comments would be similar to yours, M and 'B.Thanks again, CaseyHi Casey,I hate saying anything negative when a song is at the stage your's is because you have clearly put money in to in and somebody comes along and say's well it not quite there etc etc.But you do have a killer verse and I am not surprised the song is lingering in your mind.I think it's great that you can turn an experience in to a lyric.I wish I could.I have no problems thinking of musical ideas but I just can't come up with decent words.Enough of my problems!!!!! Mick.
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Re: "Just Another Slap In The Face"

Post by arkjack » Sun Nov 26, 2006 8:30 am

I think its a great tune and a great song. I agree with Bird that in some parts there needs to be more attitude in the delivery by the singer. Doesn't have enough anger..... ennui..... As far as lyric and arrangement I can't point at anything,..... which means these elements may need some "experimental science" to see if there is something that works better.ArkJackPS I think your catalog is great too. I'm putting you on my broadjam top artist list....

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Re: "Just Another Slap In The Face"

Post by aubreyz » Sun Nov 26, 2006 1:27 pm

Casey,Love the groove, and I won't repeat everything that's been said, but a strong chorus lift, both melodically and in intensity - ala Kelly Clarkson "since you been gone" - would really compliment what's there now. Aub

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Re: "Just Another Slap In The Face"

Post by pogodog » Sun Nov 26, 2006 4:23 pm

casey, I agree with the other poster's about the songs nice groove and alternative edge. My concerns would be that the singer never seems to empower herself enough to move on, or at the very least move out of the way of verses 2 and three. This shouldn't be a well mannered slap fest or an aggravating " I know he broke my jaw .. But i love him " kind of song - This singer needs to Kill Bill, The music supports this idea ( insert Aub's comments here) - it's implied in the first verse that she was hurt by someone... but this poor victim gets stuck in the headlights , startled over and again when she should go singing and kicking herself "over him "- This song needs to HOOK itself a hero. IMO

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