"LIFE IN THE CITY" Feedback Please

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LauriB
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"LIFE IN THE CITY" Feedback Please

Post by LauriB » Wed Jan 18, 2023 6:59 pm

LIFE IN THE CITY

VERSE

IT’S SIX O’CLOCK IN THE MORNING
THE SUN LIGHTS UP THE SKY
PEOPLE RUSHING OFF TO WORK
AND TAXI'S FLYING BY

NO TIME TO STOP FOR BREAKFAST
GRAB SOME COFFEE ON THE WAY
YOU MUST BE IN FOR NINE O’CLOCK
TO START YOUR WORKING DAY

THERE ARE PEOPLE WASHING WINDOWS
SOME OTHERS SWEEPING FLOORS
NEWS STANDS SELLING PAPERS
AS THE SHOPS OPEN THEIR DOORS

THE CITY STARTS TO COME ALIVE
IT’S ANOTHER BUSY DAY
THE PACE MAY BE TOO FAST FOR SOME
BUT THAT’S EXACTLY WHY I STAY

CHORUS

I LOVE MY LIFE IN THE CITY
I LOVE MY FAST CITY LIFE
I NEED MY LIFE IN THE CITY
I NEED MY BRIGHT CITY LIGHTS

VERSE

IT’S FIVE O’CLOCK AND THE WHISTLE BLOWS
AND THAT SHOULD END THE DAY
BUT LIFE IN THE CITY NEVER SLOWS
AND AGAIN YOU’RE ON YOUR WAY

YOU TRY TO FIND A RESTAURANT
THAT ALL THE CRITICS KNOW
AND FINISH UP BY EIGHT O’CLOCK
SO YOU CAN CATCH A SHOW

AFTERWARDS YOU SHOULD GO HOME
AND BE IN BED BY ONE
INSTEAD YOU GRAB ANOTHER CAB
AND AGAIN YOU’RE ON THE RUN

FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER
AND YOU’RE DANCING ON THE FLOOR
THEN BEFORE YOU NOTICE
IT IS TWENTY AFTER FOUR

CHORUS

I LOVE MY LIFE IN THE CITY
I LOVE MY FAST CITY LIFE
I NEED MY LIFE IN THE CITY
I NEED MY BRIGHT CITY LIGHTS

LauriB
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Re: "LIFE IN THE CITY" Feedback Please

Post by LauriB » Tue Jan 24, 2023 11:11 am

I know since Covid a lot of our lives have changed and this lyric may not be as relevant as it once was... I would appreciate any input you might have.
Thank You

songmaster
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Re: "LIFE IN THE CITY" Feedback Please

Post by songmaster » Tue Feb 07, 2023 8:47 am

Hi Lauri, I really like your lyrics and it is a good premise for an uptempo song. The only little thing I would change in the lyrics is substituting "You or You're" for "I". I think it would make a big difference and make the song sound more personal.

Example: I gotta be in for nine oclock
To start MY working day

But life in the city never slows
And again I'M on MY way

I try to find a restaurant
That all the critics know
And finish up by eight oclock
So I can catch a show

Afterwards I should go home
And be in bed by by one
Instead I grab another cab
And again I'm on the run

Because you used "I" in the chorus, you should really stick to "I" in the verses and then people can relate to the song easier. It really is a simple fix

Anyway, just my 2 cents. Nice job altogether!

Tom

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wild1man1chris
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Re: "LIFE IN THE CITY" Feedback Please

Post by wild1man1chris » Tue Feb 07, 2023 4:32 pm

I like this!

This sounds like I am!

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Casey H
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Re: "LIFE IN THE CITY" Feedback Please

Post by Casey H » Tue Feb 07, 2023 6:23 pm

Hi Lauri
First, what is your goal for these lyrics as far as type of song, what it would be pitched for, etc.? It's hard to comment without a target.

Best,
:) Casey

LauriB
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Re: "LIFE IN THE CITY" Feedback Please

Post by LauriB » Mon Feb 20, 2023 11:12 pm

I was actually thinking of a song in a Musical. Either theatrical or movie musical.

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Re: "LIFE IN THE CITY" Feedback Please

Post by LauriB » Mon Feb 20, 2023 11:14 pm

songmaster wrote:
Tue Feb 07, 2023 8:47 am
Hi Lauri, I really like your lyrics and it is a good premise for an uptempo song. The only little thing I would change in the lyrics is substituting "You or You're" for "I". I think it would make a big difference and make the song sound more personal.

Example: I gotta be in for nine oclock
To start MY working day

But life in the city never slows
And again I'M on MY way

I try to find a restaurant
That all the critics know
And finish up by eight oclock
So I can catch a show

Afterwards I should go home
And be in bed by by one
Instead I grab another cab
And again I'm on the run

Because you used "I" in the chorus, you should really stick to "I" in the verses and then people can relate to the song easier. It really is a simple fix

Anyway, just my 2 cents. Nice job altogether!

Tom
I understand your point. Thank You For Your Feedback

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