Love Don't Move - What is this song missing?

[Fullertime]

Hey crew!

I've been working on this tune and trying to trim the fat and make it great. I feel like this song is good. I want to make it great!!! I would love any feedback. Be critical... you won't hurt my feelings!!! This song is for pitching to country artists and/or film/TV opps needing a pop country song about marriage... I had a different country song forwarded last year but nothing has come of it yet.

Thanks!!!


Here's the link:
http://soundcloud.com/fullertime/love-d ... -version-1


LYRICS:
Love Don't Move
by Fuller

VERSE 1
When we tied the knot we thought we tied it strong
And we were smart and knew it wouldn't take long
Before a storm or two would surely come our way
To try and knock us down and blow it all away

VERSE 2
For six hard years we've worked and fought and cried
We had two kids what a nice surprise
We found ourselves in separate rooms at night
And we've almost quit about a dozen times


CHORUS
But Love don't move...
It fights a little stronger
Prays a little longer
Love don't move...
It works a little harder
Stands a little taller
Love don't move...
It digs a little deeper
And always keeps pushing on thru
And we will too...
Love don't move...

VERSE 3
We built up some big walls between our hearts and souls
We defend ourselves and that's not cool
Now we've hung in there for all that we've been through, me and you
We gotta keep on fighting, let our vows renew

BRIDGE:
It won't be easy, it won't be fast
But good things come to those who last
We made a promise 'til death do us part
And working things out is a lost art

So I'll be the groom and you be the bride
We'll give our best to God and swallow our pride
Our world are spinning, but we ain't cavin in,
As long as we both shall live...

TAG
When we feel like there ain't nothing we can do...
A little faith, and a little hope will prove...
Love don't move

VERSE 3
I'd rather deal with the pain of pushing through
Than regret my life not loving you...

[cassmcentee]

Great Song!

First thing that hit me in the opening is a "swishing" sound on the overall mix
is the MP3 a lower quality? Or is the compression a bit heavy?
As I keep listening it just sounds like the cymbals are the only ones doing it...
I'll listen again later today in my monitors (at my studio office computer now)...
...and get back to you!

Cass

[VanderBoegh]

Hey Fuller, really great song here! This one stands a serious chance, but you're right, a bit of fat trimming will help. Right off, I noticed that it's clocking in at 4:01, and so trimming out 15-20 seconds might be beneficial (but I'm of the 3:00-3:30 minute mindset nowadays, and I know not everybody feels the same way). Here's where I think the song could be a bit stronger - in no particular order:

1) The bridge seems unnecessarily long. I think if you cut out the 5th & 6th lines you'd be better off. If you did this session in ProTools, just turn to "shuffle" mode, select all content from those 2 bars, then delete. The tracks will automatically slide together at the point of the deletion, and I think this would help the bridge to make it really move into the last chorus.

2) I'm not a huge fan of the rhyme scheme you're using. Although it definitely works to rhyme the end of every 2 lines (couplets), I think this could be done in a better way. One way may be to just jumble the lines and see what happens... Rhyme the 1st & 3rd, and 2nd & 4th. Then try the 1st & 4th and the 2nd & 3rd and see how it feels. Might be worth experimentation here. What you have here already works, but I think it could be much stronger. These little couplets are just too easy, and I've got a feeling you're a much better songwriter than that. Push yourself here!

3) This last suggestion is just one of semantics, but it seems like your chorus is slightly contradictory, as you say "love don't move" then talk about all the ways love moves (fights, prays, digs, etc). Don't change this unless other people comment on that part, as I may be nitpicking too much, haha.

Great song tough, man. Is that you singing?

~~Matt

[Len911]

The vocals are terrific, the music is well played, not so sure about the premise.

Love doesn't move versus love getting stronger. Which is more compelling?

The lyrics seem to be more about fulfilling a marriage contract than anything having to do with love, and it doesn't make a very compelling case for marriage either.

"we had two kids, what a nice surprise", I'm not sure 'nice surprise' is what you really meant to say. It comes off as, "wow, who could have known?"

I think the overall tone of the lyrics is a little preachy about what is, what isn't, and what should be, rather than how you feel about the situation.

You've got the voice, the music and production overall are very acceptable, a few minor tweaks here or there at the most, imo the lyrics need more attention at this point.

~Len

[Fullertime]

Great Song!

"swishing" sound on the overall mix..

Cass

I thought maybe I was going crazy but I now know exactly what you're talking about. I think the Overheads have some sort of flange happening... I will definitely look into that! Thanks for taking the time out to comment! I will definitely will tweak that....

Much appreciated~

[Fullertime]

4:01, and so trimming out 15-20 seconds might be beneficial (but I'm of the 3:00-3:30 minute mindset nowadays

...The bridge seems unnecessarily long. I think if you cut out the 5th & 6th lines you'd be better off. If you did this session in ProTools, just turn to "shuffle" mode, select all content from those 2 bars, then delete. The tracks will automatically slide together at the point of the deletion, and I think this would help the bridge to make it really move into the last chorus.

... it seems like your chorus is slightly contradictory, as you say "love don't move" then talk about all the ways love moves (fights, prays, digs, etc).

~~Matt

Man Matt that is great insight bro!!! I am so glad I posted this. The song is actually 3:50, there is some unnecessary space at the front which I will trim off in the final mix... I agree totally. I did NOT want it to show over 3:59 lol!!!

I think you may be right on the bridge too... I think it's a tad too long but it;s so hard to kill a line or 2... you know? lol... But I think it's better for the song to get that bridge about 8 bars shorter. I will play around with that...

As far as the lyrics go... I never really thought about that... you're right. At first glance it does seem contradictory. Maybe I need to somehow explain it more... When I say Love Don't Move"... i am implying a "walking away" type moving... AKA Love doesn't leave.... but i could see how that is confusing... now the trick is figuring our how to re-say that:)

I really appreciate your insight bro. Seriously! This helps a lot!!! Oh and yes, that's me singing. Although after hearing the TAXI TV show last night when Michael played that demo of "Here Comes Goodbye"... I wish I could hire that dude!!!!

Peace bro

[Fullertime]

Love doesn't move versus love getting stronger. Which is more compelling?

The lyrics seem to be more about fulfilling a marriage contract than anything having to do with love, and it doesn't make a very compelling case for marriage either.

I think the overall tone of the lyrics is a little preachy about what is, what isn't, and what should be, rather than how you feel about the situation.
imo the lyrics need more attention at this point.

~Len

Great insight Len. I am so glad I posted this. It's amazing how hard it is to "hear" your own song for the first time after you've spent days on it:) lol

After hearing all these thoughts, I am definitely gonna sort through the lyrics and make some major tweaks... Possibly even the Title... You're the second person that has mentioned the ambiguity of the action "move".... I am gonna re-think what that could be to emphasize congruency a bit more.

Thanks for taking the time to listen and be honest!!! I love hearing the uncensored truth... It truly makes a huge difference and allows us all to strive for the highest bar possible and not settled for mediocre!

Blessing!
Fuller

[Robtoons]

Great tune and production Fuller,
Yeah, great comments on the lyrics from Matt and Len, trimming it up a bit will be a big help.
I think you may get "midi sounding strings" comments from screeners, but that probably depends on the pitch.
Nice Work!
-Rob

[VanderBoegh]

My pleasure, Fuller! You've got a killer voice, amigo, so just keep singing! I may even have to get ahold of you soon for some vocal work on my own country songs. And yeah, I heard that guy on Taxi TV last night too... whoa nelly, that was A++ stuff, but don't sell yourself short because you're damn good yourself.

These country pitches are hard because we're competing with pros from Nashville who have been doing this their whole life. Which is kinda discouraging at first, but is nice to realize how much we have to push ourselves. Every line, every word, and every second counts. Which really means writing, re-writing, editing, re-thinking, re-wording, re-phrasing, polishing until you have that gem that's competitive against the big boys. It can happen!

P.S. ever heard the phrase "murder your darlings"? It refers to deleting work that you've already done for the betterment of your product. Wether it's a paragraph in a novel, a couple lines in a song, or a product from a giant corporation. If it doesn't result in a better end-result, get rid of it. Even if you love it! Now go be the best murderer you can be and chop some material if the song is better off without it.

~~Matt

[Fullertime]

P.S. ever heard the phrase "murder your darlings"? It refers to deleting work that you've already done for the betterment of your product.

~~Matt

Dude I can't believe I've never heard that phrase before! Hilarious... You always hurt the ones you love the most:) lol

Thanks for the compliments about my vox man. I appreciate that. Let me know if I can ever help you out bro

Peace!