Lyric feedback - clear enough story?

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mwb2
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Lyric feedback - clear enough story?

Post by mwb2 » Wed Apr 03, 2019 12:50 pm

Hi all,

I'm trying to make my lyrics more conversational and clear without losing details or concrete imagery. I'd love any feedback on the following. Will probably add a bridge and final chorus later but not 100% on that. Thanks!

Fly Away

key in the door I don’t want to open
don’t wanna pick up yesterday’s fight again
does it matter which one of us let the cold in
cause right now we just argue in circles
never feels worth it
frost on every surface

the time has come to fly away
open up this cage’s door
no reason not to fly away
we can spread our wings outside these bars
the time’s come to fly away
waited so long to soar
finally let’s fly away
fly much higher when we fly apart

why be so sad that things didn’t work out?
nothing is perfect, why be mad when it’s not?
cause it’s not like we ran at the very first doubt

and if our home will never be sweet then
why keep repeating
patterns we keep feeding

the time has come to fly away
open up this cage’s door
no reason not to fly away
we can spread our wings outside these bars
the time has come to fly away
waited so long to soar
finally let’s fly away
fly much higher when we fly apart
Mike

soundcloud.com/mwb2
instagram.com/mikekrishton

SquareBiz
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Re: Lyric feedback - clear enough story?

Post by SquareBiz » Thu Apr 04, 2019 1:47 pm

I like the lyrics and story...I'd say add a bridge and you have a quality song...I would love to hear the melody you have in mind. VERY nice lyrics!

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funsongs
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Re: Lyric feedback - clear enough story?

Post by funsongs » Thu Apr 04, 2019 3:14 pm

So - this story is about an amicable split & breakup from a tried, but unsuccessful, relationship... yes?
Which then results in, and is resolved with, a sense of freedom... perhaps to explore new ones. :? 8-)
I'm curious to read your idea of a contrasting/complementing Bridge; and hear it all put to music.
Hope that encourages you on this journey.
Cheers.
Peter Rahill
website: www.peterrahill.com
https://soundcloud.com/funsongs-1
You Tube channel: Peter Rahill - funsongs
https://taxi.com/peterrahill
“The future aint what it use to be.” - Yogi Berra

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NoellR
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Re: Lyric feedback - clear enough story?

Post by NoellR » Sat Apr 06, 2019 6:59 am

Hi Mwb2, I think this is a story many can relate to, I understand and can picture this struggle clearly. Happy music making!
-Noell

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Re: Lyric feedback - clear enough story?

Post by SquareBiz » Sun May 05, 2019 9:11 am

Definitely add a bridge and this will be a solid song.

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Re: Lyric feedback - clear enough story?

Post by SaschaRose » Mon Jun 10, 2019 7:41 pm

Imagery is there. I can see it playing out as if acted in video. Yes, add a bridge but do not take it too far from what you have here. Very nice!

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