I disagree. The feedback is not at all misguided. All one has to do is look at the lyrical styles of modern pop artists per the reference tracks. There is imagery, "show me don't tell me" aspects, more conversational-ness (at times), etc. Mark's song is a very lovely ballad and not contemporary. It might have it's place but not even close for this listing. And the lyrics are very cliche, nothing new and interesting. Based on the feedback, look at the lyrics to the reference tracks and look at yours (Mark).Cameloide wrote: ↑Fri Aug 20, 2021 6:17 pmThis is the kind of feedback that I find misguided (unless you didn't include all of it). It's left you trying to fix a minor problem while not pointing you in the direction of the main issues holding you back. Bob Dylan (or any of the actual top writer's in the pop world) could re write all the lyrics and that wouldn't get you any closer to nailing a "modern pop" listing.markanthony wrote: ↑Fri Aug 20, 2021 8:33 amHi everyone. This is my first post in forums, first submission, first return! haha
My question: I agree with the feedback, but asking the community for suggestions. It's hard for me to hear what could be improved in the lyrics based on the feedback. Listening the references, the lyrics seem metaphorical to me. The feedback was lyrics needed improvement and looking for some tips on how.
On the other hand if you forced Billie Eilish's brother to produce a modern pop song with these lyrics he could do it, and I bet nobody would say a word about the lyrics. The point being there's a much larger gap you'll need to clear on the production/mixing/vocal performance side before any lyric changes would do you any good. And that will come through scouring the Web for good information from Pros, and through repetition, trial and error, and ruthlessly comparing every facet of your production to A level productions.
I think suggesting that Billie Eilish's brother could produce this and the screener wouldn't say a word about the lyrics is dead wrong. Screeners review per the listing requirements and this listing was very clear that excellent lyrics were required. And Billie and her brother would never produce something with words like these so it's a moot point.
Mark... Read some of Robin Frederick's books. Study the lyrics of modern artists. I often look at Billie Eilish, Taylor Swift and others for inspiration on modern female lyric writing. The other refs here are good as well. One thing I do a lot of is "ghosting". I take a known song by a contemporary artist and write a new set of lyrics to the approximate melody. As I do it, I get to study how they express themselves.
Best,
Casey