New to Board - New to TAXI - New Song Needs Input

[northernwriter]

HiBefore I submit this song I was hoping to get some feedback from those of you that have already been down this road.I am thinking of submitting this for country artists, possibly this listing:CONTEMPORARY COUNTRY SONGS needed by an A&R exec. at a Major Nashville Label for a hit Male Artist a la Rodney Atkins. All tempos are okay. Moving, poignant and heartfelt lyrics along with great melodies are essential. Vocal and instrumental demo presentations must be top-notch! ThanksLesYou can listen to it here:http://soundclick.com/share?songid=8073148The Lryics:Sweet Promises©2009 by L. Williams and J. WilliamsSometimes in my memory I travel once again To that country schoolhouse where I met my closest friend.We made lots of promises I swore I’d be there for herShe promised that she’d be there anytime I called her too.ChorusPromises sweet promises never knowing whyCross my heart and hope to die with needles in my eyes.We never think that we will have to honor any pact.Made in the spur of a moment, never looking backJenny called me late one night and said that she was sickShe reminded me of that promise I’d made and if I meant it I’d come quickShe’s hanging on, but she’ll be gone. The doctor said just hoursShe needs your strength to help keep her here and some help from a greater powerBridgeI took Jenny’s hand and said a prayer so that she could hearLet her know the two of us were one whispering in God’s earMakes me think of a saying I heard about hope, a wing and a prayerAnd praying worked that night a promise kept her there.Chorus

[wta]

I'm hearing folk here, a touch of o'aire, not hearing country though... Now I'm not a country guy but Im hearing the Pouges doin this...

[keysmandld]

Hey Les,First welcome to the board and to Taxi! I'm not much of a lyricist, more an instrumentalist, but I would ditto WTA. A good start on a good song, but not sure it's country in it's present state. More Peter, Paul and Mary than Kenny Chesney to my ears. That's not to say that it could'nt be transformed into a country tune. With a bit more country flavor in the instrumentation and presentation. For example, a little backbeat rhythm on the chorus may help as well as some characteristic country instrumentation, like perhaps a fiddle on the verses and a steel guitar on the choruses maybe instead of the synth strings. Country tends to very idiomatic in it's instrumentation and there are some fairly hard and fast rules about what a country band is made of.You might want to rework the lyrics at places. Even though it's a good start seems a bit awkward at times to me. Perhaps some one with a bit more flair with lyrics would care to comment on that.Hope some of this helps. It sounds like you are off to good start though. Keep up the good work! Hope to hear more from you in the near future.Dave

[northernwriter]

Thanks WTA and Keysman for the inputUmmm... at the risk of sounding uneducated.. what is o'aire?I have to agree with both of you about the non-country feel with the song so far... but then again I still feel a country ballad hiding in there somewhere.

[wta]

o' aire is a old aire but I guess I could'a stuck in a "l" with "o'" to help... Irish traditional music typically has reels, jigs, hornpipes and aires or slow aires, they are typically very slow much like your piece...

[wings]

Hi Les - just listened to this. I like it. It's got a different type of vibe, but I'm not sure it's necessarily country. Your voice on the lower registers sounds like it's going flat. I'd consider transposing the piece perhaps 2 notes higher so that you don't lose your voice on the "never looking baaaack." I liked the tone of the guitar, but the performance in some spots sounded a little rough. Especially going into a new rhythm section. My ear was not ready for the change and it took a few measures to figure out where you were going - which took away from your vocal performance.I hope this made sense - I like the piece over all - but make sure your vocals are in tune and on target. This is something that the screeners will be really picky about.All my best,~wings~

[wings]

By the way, Les...how far North are ya?

[northernwriter]

thanks WTA I am not really very familiar with Irish jigs and what not so that one sort of slipped by me... but hey I am Irish so maybe "a wee bit o the o' country" is expressing.and Thank you WingsI will try the transpose... and by necessity I will have to redo the guitar part. I am still thinking more instrumentation too, though the only live feed back I have had says they like it as is...Ironically I live in South Carolina, but am from Michigan.

[wings]

Sept 9, 2009, 5:26am, northernwriter wrote:thanks WTA I am not really very familiar with Irish jigs and what not so that one sort of slipped by me... but hey I am Irish so maybe "a wee bit o the o' country" is expressing.and Thank you WingsI will try the transpose... and by necessity I will have to redo the guitar part. I am still thinking more instrumentation too, though the only live feed back I have had says they like it as is...Ironically I live in South Carolina, but am from Michigan.My general opinion here - but I don't think you need more instruments, really. I liked how it sounded!!~wings~

[northernwriter]

Thanks again wingsYou might want to rework the lyrics at places. Even though it's a good start seems a bit awkward at times to me. Perhaps some one with a bit more flair with lyrics would care to comment on that.Does anyone have any suggestions on what Dave asked?... I guess maybe I am too close to the song to see where he is referring to...Les